Childhood Fears: Freddie Will Not Come Again
Either he sees zombies, or a black hand crawls along the floor. You have to sleep with him and, as soon as he falls asleep, quietly go to his room. And if he is lucky, the son will not wake up in the middle of the night and will not scream heart-rendingly with fear …
I await the nightfall with horror. I'll have to put my son to bed again. Again he will grab my hand and hysterically, with tears in his eyes, beg: "Mommy, stay, I'm scared." He is five years old. No persuasion - conversations both in a good way (they asked, explained, promised the desired toys, etc.) and in a bad way (they scolded that they did not behave like a big child, not like a man, they threatened to give them up to grandparents) on it does not work. Crying. Shaking with fear. Either he sees zombies, or a black hand crawls along the floor. You have to sleep with him and, as soon as he falls asleep, quietly go to his room. And if he is lucky, the son will not wake up in the middle of the night and will not scream heart-rendingly with fear.
Children's fears are a parent's headache
I can't imagine how such an ordinary procedure as putting my beloved son to bed turned into hard labor for me. I love him with all my heart, he does not need anything. Childhood fears were not familiar to me or my husband. In whom the fearful child is - is not clear. Questions, what are childhood fears, how to deal with them, haunted me, because peace in the house now depended on the correct answers to them.
I myself began to look for ways to relieve the child of fears. I read articles, people's advice on how to deal with childhood fears. She drew his fear together with her son, tore the drawing into pieces. I stroked him on the back before bed. We took relaxing baths. We drank herbal infusions. They left the night light on to the son's room. But childhood fears have not disappeared from our lives.
We turned to a psychologist for help in the hope that he knows how to rid the child of fear. I was told that the problem was me. I cannot firmly insist on my own, forbid the child to disturb his parents at night, and he uses this, manipulates me. You don't need to react to childhood fears, thereby reinforcing your son's bad behavior with your attention, and they themselves will disappear. I really wanted to overcome my son's childhood fears, I naively believed that psychology had thoroughly studied childhood fears and knew how to get rid of childhood fears. It's just me and my excessive softness. I tried to be firm. The son must get used to, must …
My heart was torn to pieces at the sight of the child's real suffering from the fear of darkness and loneliness. The prohibitions did not help, now I did not sleep all night, and not only part of it. In addition, the child became even more restless.
I don’t know how long I would have been looking for how to overcome children's fear if I had not come across a video on YouTube “Children's Tales - Between Fear and Compassion. Yuri Burlan's “System-Vector Psychology”.
There are no trifles in education
Imagine, such, it would seem, a trifle, like reading bedtime stories to your child, is of such great importance. With my own hands, guided by good intentions so that my son developed better, fell asleep faster, I read him the fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm, the Russian folk tales of A. N. Afanasyev and others, contributing to this (I knew - I didn’t know what the difference, it’s not easier) that the child's fears increased with each such reading.
Who knew that my son was not at all abnormal, not hysterical, not overly emotional, not overly impressionable kid. He is simply endowed with a visual vector (on the website "System-Vector Psychology" I found what innate properties of the psyche people have from birth - they are called vectors - and determined with which my son was born), which my husband and I do not have. Therefore, we didn’t understand our son’s childhood fears - we didn’t experience it in childhood.
Children's fears - between norm and pathology
The articles on the portal on how to overcome fear in a child, what is the reason for children's fears and what should be their correction, have clarified a lot: a visual child is naturally endowed with special emotionality, and his ability to feel the world in all its manifestations, in all paint and little things - his amazing ability that needs to be developed. Congenital does not mean developed. The two poles of the development of the visual vector are fear and love. It is natural for a visual person to experience fear in childhood, the fear of the dark is the fear of death, the primitive fear of being eaten, which we develop by reading fairy tales with plots of cannibalism, with descriptions of cruel scenes. Intimidating ("we will leave you alone without mom and dad if you behave like that", "Baba Yaga will come if you won't sleep," we watched horror films together),we did not develop the visual vector of our son, but preserved it at the initial stage of development - out of fear.
To understand how to overcome fears in children meant for me, firstly, to accept the nature of my child: yes, he is different from me, and this is not a reason to correct, re-educate him, this is an occasion to get to know his real, to find the key to his inner world … Secondly, find the reasons for childhood fear, why different children are afraid of different things, and some are not afraid of anything at all. I learned all this and much more at the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, where I finally decided to sign up after reading the reviews about the results.
Yuri Burlan's free lectures were just a godsend, because I learned from them: who and why experiences childhood fears, how to deal with them, made a lot of discoveries about myself, my child, husband, others.
I recommend to everyone who is tired of looking for a way to treat childhood fears, sign up for free lectures and not waste time trying to cope with this problem without knowing the causes of fear, without the ability to separate one child from another.
My son and I solved our problem calmly and painlessly. Understanding the inner world of your child is the cornerstone of proper parenting and peace of mind at home.
