"You never dreamed." Part 2. Love among teenagers. The origin of feeling
“I should have gotten married at seventeen, to the boy who rode my bike. He rolled and kissed me softly on the back of the head, thinking that I did not feel, did not notice. I knew everything. And I wanted to die on a bicycle - it was such a happiness. And with Misha everything went into words. The terms. In clarification of the essence. The essence of what? When you are over thirty, who will put you on a bicycle? - so Tatiana reasoned.
Part 1. Parents
If I were you, I would not undertake to teach people about love …
What do you know about her?"
Sometimes it seems to adults with wise life experience that first love is still a half-childish and naive feeling, that it is not serious yet, it will pass, that they will “outgrow” this feeling, as different childhood hobbies “outgrow” at the stage of their growing up. And only a few adults take Katya and Roma's feelings seriously, because all ages are submissive to love, and love - the desire to be close to a loved one and share his thoughts and feelings - is always love. Love, which has to overcome the lack of understanding and coldness of adults, which has to break through the concrete of adult grievances, digging into its own past and emotional blackmail.
And true love - love between people who have the courage to follow their dreams in spite of the circumstances - is able to overcome all these trials and become only stronger from this.
But not all adolescents are able to overcome the situation when their feelings are not accepted by the environment and follow their heart. So, the life of the anal-visual teacher Tatyana Nikolaevna Koltsova, whose first love was ridiculed by the person closest to her, her mother, is taking shape in a dramatic way. And for the anal-visual teenager, the mother's word is the law. They always listen to the mother's opinion and rely on this opinion in their actions and decisions.
And when mom says that there is no need to meet with the boy, the anal-visual girl obeys her and puts herself a ban on feelings, and as a result, she can be left alone for a long time. Sometimes even for life. In general, men who are said to be “married to their mother” are more susceptible to such a life scenario, but women also have a similar life scenario of a “good girl”.
Having, like Lyudmila, also a skin-visual ligament, in her youth Tatyana seriously wanted to become an actress, but the very first failure on the stage put an end to her stage career, and her mother's opinion played an important role here. And if in the film adaptation of Ilya Fraz, Tatiana's mother lives and lives, then in the story of Galina Shcherbakova she died for several years, but she still continues to crush her daughter with her authority.
Her mother was still wrong: Tatyana Nikolaevna knew everything about love - about that love that would be betrayed to the grave - about love for her mother and that first boy who timidly kissed the back of her head.
"We need a broad view, freed from parental egoism."
First feelings are generally a very important experience for the whole future life, it lays the foundation for building future serious pair relationships, because in our youth we are ready to surrender to love without looking back, in full force, to know the great bliss of giving ourselves to relationships, without wanting anything in return, receiving pleasure simply because the loved one is near. And therefore, teenagers should not be forbidden to meet, because they learn to live, learn to feel.
And for the anal-visual person, the experience of the first relationship is especially important. A persistent person with an anal vector is always striving for long-term serious relationships. People with anal-visual vector ligaments have the belief that true love only happens once in a lifetime. And if outsiders intervene in this love - with their advice, instructions, moralizing - and do not allow to build a relationship at this moment, then every year it becomes more difficult for such people to build relationships, and the memories of their first love become more vivid, and their regrets. So, we see in the film how Kostya still loves Lyusya, despite the time and circumstances, and Tatyana Nikolaevna also recalls her youthful love.
Therefore, one should not condemn and ridicule the first love. On the contrary, parents and surrounding adults need to help young people develop the ability to love and build relationships, understand people, and try to build their own lives.
So Tatyana Nikolaevna created an atmosphere of trust and openness in the ninth grade, created conditions for an unbiased and unconventional understanding of literature by her students. And as a result, the couple, Katya and Roman, unconsciously reached out to each other. "How can you teach love if you yourself run from it, like a hare from a chase!"
Such cruel words are heard from her friend by a woman who has become a real kind angel for schoolchildren in love. "Lost a good guy, and stupidly!" - reproaches her mother after parting with the doctor Mikhail, whose image on the screen was embodied by Leonid Filatov. But the fact is that Tatyana Nikolaevna did not intend to build these relations at all. As a person with an anal-visual ligament of vectors, she remembers her first and greatest love and still regrets that at that moment the relationship did not work out. Her heart cherishes the memories of a boy with the ridiculous surname Ryzhenky, which her mother did not like so much.
“I should have gotten married at seventeen, to the boy who rode my bike. He rolled and kissed me softly on the back of the head, thinking that I did not feel, did not notice. I knew everything. And I wanted to die on a bicycle - it was such a happiness. And with Misha everything went into words. The terms. In clarification of the essence. The essence of what? When you are over thirty, who will put you on a bicycle? - so Tatiana reasoned.
Almost until retirement, Tatyana retained a strong visual connection with her mother, in addition, she is emotionally and completely devoted to work, giving children the education of feelings, so she has no place in her heart for a new man.
That is why Tatyana, deeply developed in a sensory relation by nature, like no one is capable of loving and being loved, remains alone, because of which she suffers greatly, but she cannot change anything and realizes her visual sensibility through teaching Russian language and literature. That is why she is ready to help her students, who are still ahead - to help them not to miss their chance for happiness, which, according to the anal-visual person, comes only once in a lifetime.
- How can you live without love ?! - Katya asks Tatyana Nikolaevna, surprised and even defiantly, who at this moment experiences unusually strong feelings for Roman. The girl dropped out of school, and the boy's three-week departure for summer practice became a real tragedy for her - as if he was going to war.
- Life is more than love. Only love is, if you like, even poverty, - says Tatyana Nikolaevna, and it is these words that cause a storm of indignation in the girl. However, reasoning from a systemic standpoint, we see that, in fact, the class teacher is absolutely right. Tatiana calls the feeling that prompts a person to care for the sick, feed the elderly, take care of children, but from the point of view of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, this is precisely love in the deepest, visual sense, it is not love for an individual person, but to humanity.
This does not mean that there is no need to create a family and love your husband, devoting your life entirely to your students, as Tatyana Nikolaevna did. But to give all the emotional reserve released by nature to one person - be it a husband, wife or child - means impoverishing her life, which Tatyana Nikolaevna is trying to tell her student about. How pernicious and destructive such obsession can be, we will see on the example of our next heroine - Vera Georgievna, Roman's mother.
Part 3. From emotional addiction and blackmail to love
