Panic attacks
The very first time a panic attack happened to me in the middle of the night. It was so creepy that from the very memory of it the hair stood on end and the frost ran over the skin.
The very first time a panic attack happened to me in the middle of the night. It was so creepy that from the very memory of it the hair stood on end and the frost ran over the skin.
I wake up at night with horror, with inexplicable fear! I don’t understand what’s happening to me. My heart just jumps out of my chest, there is a catastrophic lack of air, I pour out in cold sticky sweat, I want to scream, but I can't even make a sound.
I fall into this stuffy darkness, drown in it, sink deeper and deeper. Fear paralyzes, strangles, covers from all sides, thoughts are confused, it seems that I am about to lose consciousness.
Wild panic, some kind of just animal fear - without an object, for no apparent reason … It's hard to breathe, crushes in your chest … maybe it's a heart?
I try to get up, but the movements are constrained, the body is like someone else's, not mine, I no longer control myself. We must run somewhere, call someone, do something! God, is this really the end ?!
I became afraid to go to bed alone. She turned on the TV, radio, got a cat, left the night light, took my phone with me. Validol, Corvalol, nitroglycerin, and eventually a whole first-aid kit appeared on the nightstand next to me.
I constantly found the reason for what was happening either in circumstances (stress at work, conflict with relatives, trouble on the street), then in an exacerbation of chronic diseases or hormonal shifts, or in magnetic storms or changes in the weather, but I never even thought about the fact that the true root of my fears is in myself, in the nature of my psychic. This was an absolute discovery for me, because it meant that I can work with my state, I can change it - consciously and intentionally.
Having figured out the peculiarities of my own mental, I finally realized that I was constantly going in the wrong place, trying to fight myself, I drove my fear deeper and deeper into myself, instead of bringing it out.
But this now, and then … Fear broke through with painful panic attacks, exhausting me mentally and physically. One diagnosis was replaced by another: "vegetative-vascular dystonia", "neurocirculatory dystonia", "cardioneurosis", "panic disorder", but my condition did not improve from this. Each doctor explained my problem in his own way: it was in hormonal changes, in breathing disorders, in the hypersensitivity of the nervous system, in fluctuations in blood pressure and vascular tone.
I have tried an incredible amount of drugs - from herbal sedatives to prescription antidepressants - I have tried on myself. Because of this, stomach problems began: I developed gastritis.
Then all sorts of techniques went: meditation, concentration, breathing exercises, massage, aromatherapy, acupuncture, hypnosis. The effect of all this was temporary and very fragile, I would say.
Panic attacks were repeated again, in every dark corner I saw ominous shadows, every night I wrapped myself in a blanket, as if in a cocoon, trying to get rid of the stupid, but very unpleasant feeling that something was about to grab my leg. As a result, I woke up in another panic attack already from the fact that I could not untangle the twisted blanket and get out of the trap.
This vicious circle, which invariably leads to a panic attack, just drove me crazy. I became irritable, cranky, nervous, it was difficult to communicate with me, people began to turn away, friends were lost, any relationships deteriorated, conflicts arose out of the blue. I began to think that I would never get rid of panic attacks again, it is simply impossible.
***
In order for something impossible to happen, the impossible must be done. The weakest, weakest point of all existing methods for getting rid of fears and phobias is that they act directly, following a logical path, by observing external cause and effect.
At the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan, another solution is proposed. It is necessary to act from the inside, it is shown what exactly needs to be done in order to change the consequence of the work of our unconscious processes leading to the appearance of the problem. Like Alice in Wonderland, we do not like everyone else is used to: "First distribute the cake, and then cut it."
I shouldn't have learned to be less emotional or try not to take other people's problems to heart, as everyone around me advised. It was completely unnecessary to concentrate on yourself, to love and feel sorry for yourself, your beloved more. During the training, we learn to find such connections between cause and effect that cannot be seen without a systemic view, and involuntarily a three-dimensional picture of what is happening is formed.
Having understood at the training what properties of my psyche provoke panic attacks in me, I was able to direct my imaginative thinking, fantasy, impressionability and emotionality in the right direction, to realize them in a new hobby. And very soon I noticed that I became much less afraid of the dark. Now I could sleep without a night light and not wrap myself in a blanket, as before, panic attacks happened less and less, and then disappeared completely. Such innate properties of my psyche as high sensitivity and emotional mobility were given to me for a completely different, much more complete and satisfying realization than for swinging from fears into panic.
Having discovered at the training a common root, the mechanisms of the origin and development of all my fears, I was able to overcome them, they began to seem so naive and insignificant to me, and until recently they did not allow me to live at all.
I became more calm, balanced and open to communication, empathy, compassion. Because of this, people reached out to me, even those who had previously tried to avoid communicating with me. My life has clearly become more positive and optimistic.
I know that my result is not a coincidence or accidental hit on the target. When we are alone with a plague that torments us, it seems to us the size of the world, and we think that it will be necessary to make the whole world turn over so that we can cope with the disaster.
This is not true! Systems thinking allows you to see how the same algorithm works, helping many people to follow the same path of deliverance as I did.
Reading the reviews of my former comrades in misfortune, I laugh and cry, recognizing myself in their lines. My heart aches from a deep inner understanding of their own fears, and the soul sings, because I myself know what the deliverance is worth, about which they are ready to tell:
“The fears are gone. This little sentence written here is really worth a lot! If earlier, going home, I tried to fumble for the switch as quickly as possible, covered in cold sweat, now I absolutely calmly walk around the house at night in complete darkness, stepping on the truth, sometimes on pets or touching furniture … Evgenia I., economist
“Gradually, I learned to cope with sudden panic attacks - a feeling of acute fear for my life, when you are suddenly thrown from the heat into cold sweat and then shakes with a large tremor for a long time, it darkens in my eyes, and my hand itself reaches for the phone to dial” 03 "- help me, I'm dying! Now it's just ridiculous to remember this! " Nina B.,, economist
“I had fears … they passed … they are NOT !!!! Fears appeared in early childhood, that is, I now understand that in childhood …) Fear of the dark … fear of heights …. Fear of death …. Fear of giving birth to a sick child … fear of losing people close to me …. Fear of the sea …. Fear of being disabled and to be a burden …. fear of damage …. fear of damnation …. fear of getting into an accident … fear of confined space ….. fear of pain … fears fears fears ….. Life is actually divided into before and after … no-no-no … not even so … Life is not divided … it BEGAN! Aliya A.,, sales manager
“Now, after almost two years have passed, I do not feel that former horror of people, I can calmly go out into the street, use public transport, talk on the phone, ride a bicycle day and night and do many other things without wasting time and effort on thinking and overcoming your fear … Ural K., process engineer
And there are a lot of such words, because, probably, any person who has experienced the real joy of liberation is ready to share this with others. There are hundreds of such reviews here.
I remember my panic attacks as a bad dream, and now it seems to me that all this was not with me. Today my world is becoming more and more vivid, although recently it was colored by dark tones of fear.
I understand that I still have a lot of work, because I am at the very beginning of the path, but now I have a big advantage over myself yesterday, I know HOW to deal with this fear, how to work on myself, and my small victories give me confidence in that I'm going in the right direction.
After the training, I realized a lot, but one thing I can say for sure: a panic attack is a cry of your mental, outburst of indignation, resistance to the fact that you are trying to live not your life, it is an explosion of the unrealized potential of your psychological properties.
In order for the training to help, you do not need to make unimaginable efforts, perform numerous exercises or follow any guidelines. The result comes "by itself", thanks to the tremendous psychotherapeutic effect of the training.
It is like a new acquaintance with oneself, the disclosure of the unconscious, all that you know deeply about yourself, but have "forgotten" so far. Losing subconscious support, psychological foundation, not only panic attacks, but also other fears and phobias turn to dust, leaving a faint memory of themselves.
Anyone can try it for themselves, see how the trainings are held - free introductory lectures are held regularly, you can register for them here.
Don't live in the clutches of your fears, release yourself!
