How to survive the death of a child: advice from a psychologist
After the death of a child, life seems to be shattered into smithereens. And it is not clear how to assemble these pieces. And how to start living again. And the most important thing that is not clear is why live.
Question from Irina, St. Petersburg:
When are the lectures? How to learn to live again if children have died and you don't want to live?
Tatiana Sosnovskaya, teacher, psychologist answers:
Probably, there is nothing worse in this world than when parents have to bury their own children. There is something wrong, unnatural in this. The world turns upside down and turns from white to black. How to survive the death of children when their whole life was devoted to them?
With the departure of the children, meaning, joy and hope disappear. Black, burning and cold emptiness fills from within, not letting you breathe, not letting you live.
How to live if your children, your future are gone?
Unbearable pain, longing, despair - these are the feelings that a parent experiences when a child is lost.
The feeling of guilt because he did not save, could not help in time, did not prevent the tragedy.
Anger at the one who is to blame, at the one who survived. To fate. On God, who allowed all this.
It is also difficult to look at other children. Because they are alive, they make their parents happy. And my children are nowhere in this world. Except for photos, videos and memories.
Memories are all that remain. Memories without hope for the future.
After the death of a child, life seems to be shattered into smithereens. And it is not clear how to assemble these pieces. And how to start living again. And the most important thing that is not clear is why live.
If such a tragedy has occurred in your life or in the life of your friends, please read this article to the end. We will try to help you cope with the death of your child. System-vector psychology helps to cope with difficult conditions and find the lost meaning of life.
The most important thing is not to withdraw into yourself
It is almost impossible to survive the death of a child alone
Grief tears a person away from the whole world. It's hard to look at other people. It seems that no one can understand: they did not lose their children! But the worst thing you can do is shut yourself off from everything and withdraw in your grief. After the loss of a child, a huge void is formed in the parents' soul, which was previously filled by the child. It becomes unclear what to do with your free time, who to take care of, who to worry about. It seems that this void will never be filled.
But this is not the case.
Man is not made to live alone. All good and all bad that we have, we get from other people. Therefore, to begin with, do not refuse the help of other people, do not hesitate to ask friends to be around, or try to find the strength to leave the house.
When a person experiences such grief as the death of a child, it seems to him that his suffering is unbearable. But look around: has the suffering of other people stopped? Have other people's children stopped dying?
All our children
The basic law of psychology: to reduce the pain of your own suffering, you need to help another. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals the meaning of the concept in a new way: there are no own and other people's children for the world. For the world "all our children".
Perhaps these words will sound a little harsh: but if your own children are gone, does this mean that your help is no longer needed? Does this mean that there are no other children or adults who need your help?
After all, we love our children and take care of them not because we expect gratitude from them. We do this for their future, for future generations. The flow of love towards the future cannot be stopped. The care that your children will no longer be able to receive must be directed to others, otherwise love will turn into a frozen stone and kill you.
And somewhere another child will die without love.
Only the transfer of your love for a departed child to others can help to survive the death of a child and turn black longing into bright sadness, when the memory of him does not paralyze, does not numb, but gives energy and strength.
People experience grief in different ways
Someone copes faster, and someone cannot get out of this state for many years. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains why this happens. Each person has their own characteristics. The hardest thing to cope with the loss of a child is a person with anal and visual vectors.
For a person with an anal vector, family is sacred. This is what he lives for. And what happened to his child, he perceives as a huge injustice. The peculiarity of the manifestations of the anal vector is that for him the past is more important than the present. Therefore, it is very important for such a person to preserve memory. He can endlessly look at photographs or sort through the things of a deceased child, visit his grave in the cemetery every day. It is most difficult for a person with an anal vector to say goodbye to the past, to forgive everyone, and after the loss of a child, start living on. However, memory, past, recollections can become bright when we do not say "with longing: they are not, but with gratitude: there were."
The visual vector gives its owner an extraordinary amplitude of feelings and experiences. For a person with a visual vector, an emotional connection is very important. The emotional severing that occurs with the death of a child brings suffering that, in the full sense of the word, seems unbearable. Suicidal thoughts may even appear. Because it is in love and emotional connection that the meaning of the life of the viewer lies. It is very important that other people are next to such a person.
The visual vector contains a tremendous power of love, the greatest that exists on earth. But if a person closes it on himself, begins to feel sorry for himself, then his condition only worsens, up to fits of hysteria and panic attacks. But if all the power of love of the visual vector is switched to others, then the pain in the heart recedes, life becomes easier. No, the soul does not harden, the memory of a departed child is not erased. But there is a meaning, and with it the strength to live. And joy gradually returns.
The experience of grief in other vectors also gives its own characteristics. Yuri Burlan's trainings on systemic vector psychology helped many cope with the loss of a child. Here are some of the reviews:
Do not refuse help, come to free online lectures on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. And you will understand that it is possible to cope with the misfortune, you can find the strength to continue to live and return the joy of life. Register using the link.
