Life is like opposition. Fight for justice
The fact is that in my life there was not the first dismissal with the wording “unfair leadership”. If we continued to excavate and sort through school memories, then justice was not found there either. Peer hatred. For what? After all, I'm so good … I study well and help solve tests. Hate of the yard. For what? After all, I am so good … I did not say a bad word to anyone, I cared. A derogatory dislike of close relatives. For what? After all, I …
He looked smug and delirious. My dimwitted leader.
I stared straight and thought: "Stupid moron."
The confrontation of deep injustice was coming to an end. A few days later, I
quit, slamming the door loudly. Fuh!
Is it over?
If.
Jammed record
The fact is that in my life there was not the first dismissal with the wording “unfair leadership”. And if you do not think about why the same event happens to you in life, then you can probably forget about what happened and go on to step on the same rake further.
But … it's worth thinking. After all, life is one.
Similar situations constantly happened to me in other areas. For example, in a pair relationship. A standard scenario: to fit into a relationship with a deliberately negative ending, for example, out of pity for a man, and then get a turn from the gate - they say, what do you want from me, I will suffer with myself here. Masochism? On the one hand, yes. On the other hand, there is again a struggle against burning injustice. "For what? - I asked. - I'm so good …"
If we continued to excavate and sort through school memories, then justice was not found there either. Peer hatred. For what? After all, I'm so good … I study well and help solve tests. Hate of the yard. For what? After all, I am so good … I did not say a bad word to anyone, I cared. A derogatory dislike of close relatives. For what? After all, I …
Each "For what?" squeezes the heart with a dull pain, overwhelms the throat with a hot lump, stops in a reinforced concrete stupor. You raise a heavy and gloomy look at the meeting of new injustice in your life …
Back to basics
Mother. The first feeling of injustice in my life is connected with her, beloved and the only one. Pictures come to my mind: how I come running with a diary full of fives, and my mother indifferently says "well done" and pushes me into the room so as not to interfere; how at the next concert I eagerly peer into the auditorium: is there a mother there, and she is not there, because she does not go to such things … It's a shame, bitter, sorry for myself.
The nineties did not bypass our family: while dad was in asocial oblivion, mom took on the burden of making money. A usual situation for my childhood: my dad listens to music in a drunken stupor, my mother is in the kitchen at the computer table working at her second job so that we can all survive. They swear often. Daddy allows himself a mate. Against this background, close relatives who do not care about our daily nightmare and horror are discussed with resentment and envy - they are so passionate about shopping for fur coats and foreign tours.
One of the earliest memories is how little I am hiding behind the door, hugging a teddy bear and crying bitterly. At this time, the parents are fighting. It is dark outside the door, the bear is small and does not contain my child's heart. There is no one in the whole world who can help now. I am soft, kind, good, I cannot live like this, in such a terrible world. I'll grow up a little more and start thinking about how to go to the kitchen, take a knife and stick it in my heart in order to die quickly. A few years later I will think about how to throw myself off the balcony or jump under the car. “So that they all know! So that they all understand!"
Where were you, God, when you gave birth to me in such a family, at such a time? Why are there families where everything is wrong, but I got such torment? Why was I not born in a different historical time, in a different body, to different parents? Why is this injustice to me?
Injustice as a fundamental and basic perception of the world dominates my entire being.
The laws of the psyche
At the training "System-Vector Psychology" Yuri Burlan explains that the first perception of the world in every child is born from the relationship with the mother. Up to 6 years old, there is an absolute psychological connection between them: she has bad conditions - bad conditions in a child. Until the age of 15, this connection becomes thinner, and then it completely disappears.
A basic and fundamental feeling that every child needs to develop is a sense of security and safety. There it is - there may be no toys, trips, nothing may be, and the child will feel happy. There is no such feeling - at least fill up with toys and sweets, but there will be no happiness.
When a mother is in deep psychological stress, she herself loses a sense of security and safety, and the child also loses this feeling. And then it begins … the visual baby cannot get out of fears, cries at night and goes "in a small way" to the crib. The skin becomes covered with pimples and drags toys from the kindergarten with grabbing handles. A child with an anal vector suffers from a tummy, gradually becomes stubborn, pathologically indecisive.
Based on the loss of a sense of security and safety from the mother, only a child with an anal vector experiences a special experience, an imbalance from an even, fair, unfair one. The world didn't give me enough, my mother didn't give me enough, it's unfair!
This difficult experience becomes a kind of filter through which absolutely everything that happens begins to be perceived. It is as if we were looking at the world without opening our eyes to meet the light, but climbing into the darkest corner of the farthest room and peering suspiciously into the curtained window.
The human psyche is so arranged that we strive to reduce the area of contact with what brings us pain. If the outside world is unfair, then I do not want to touch it, I distance myself. Expecting suffering, injustice in advance, I shrink with all my being and avoid contact. There is a look with distrust, gloom, reflex outbursts of hostility where nothing is actually done badly to us.
Resentment is revenge
Resentment always gives rise to a desire to even out the imbalance of injustice - to take revenge. I remember that in my school years my favorite book was "The Count of Monte Cristo", how again and again in colors I experienced this sweet feeling of revenge on those who, here and now, could not take revenge - the thought was about my classmates and everyone who was to me rude and cruel.
An unrealized desire for revenge makes a person with an anal vector aggressive and dangerous for society, people always feel an internal threat from us. With our aggression, we ourselves push away possible close relationships. The experienced bad experience always becomes the basis for the generalization “I know them all”, when in an unfamiliar situation with a completely new person we immediately experience the same feelings as with the offender.
The most difficult experience of resentment and revenge is born in the combination of the anal vector with the sound one. What wrong have I done that life has sent me such trials? Why am I going through all this? Where does this injustice come from? This claim is addressed to no less than a Higher Power. When the all-encompassing experience of the injustice of the world is combined with black depression in the sound vector, when there is not a single spark of understanding why all this is happening in my life, I blame the physical world and curse the Higher Power. In such a state, thoughts may appear to destroy oneself and other people - as an act of revenge against the Creator.
Life is like opposition
The life of a person with a fundamental experience of the injustice of the world turns into constant intense stress. We consider any situation from the standpoint of "who is unfair and where." We deliberately expect injustice and do not even try to start something, because we are afraid to disgrace ourselves. We are unable to get close to people because we expect bad things from them.
We live our lives striving to take revenge on someone. We do not feel the taste of the present, endlessly scrolling through the past. Mental stress can result in severe psychosomatic illness. Like a reflex ring, more and more resentment twists the loop around our neck.
A sensual stop in the past
At the training "System-vector psychology" Yuri Burlan explains: a person with an anal vector is given a unique ability - to dig into the past in order to take everything valuable from there, systematize and pass this experience on to the next generations. That is why we enjoy learning so much, learning and learning again - so that we can teach others later.
The key point is that having to dive into the past for knowledge does not mean you have to live past states. We deliberately turn to the past in order to then benefit society in the present. At the same time, nature forbids a sensual return. Living in past states - from looking at old photo albums to painfully scrolling through childhood memories - is FORBIDDEN. Do you know why? Because then we stop living and bringing ourselves into social life in the present.
This is easy to verify. Observe what happens when you remember, for example, offenses for which no one else has apologized to you. You bring this memory closer and sensually dive into it. You are again that little girl or that little boy, and with all the strength of your desire you hate the offender. If you now put an adult next to the conventional "Uncle Vasya" from the past, you will hit him with all your strength with your fist, so that he will go to the hospital. This feeling fills the entire volume of your experiences, you no longer live in the present. And if someone alive comes up to you now, then you will give out all your aggression to him.
New and new sensual immersion in the past is akin to masturbation, that is, infantile. Instead of giving our sexuality outward - in sensual paired relationships, instead of giving our unique memory outward - in learning the best experience of the past generations of the present, we go and “self-gratify” in a scanty way. This is a dead end.
But what about justice?
It is difficult to understand this without a complete training in System Vector Psychology, but justice is a property of bestowal. Like this?
Each vector in the process of growing up of its owner goes through the stages of development from the infantile "everything for oneself" to the adult "for the good of society." The skin child is forced to discipline - he learns self-discipline, and in adulthood gives discipline to society, organizing others. A child with an anal vector learns to be fair, self-critical, and in adulthood gives justice outward, uses fair criticism to educate the younger generation.
What we disguise as "justice" is really nothing more than a judgment when we allow ourselves to judge other people. And in this court we always justify ourselves and blame the outside world - this is the basis of our psyche.
And the true truth and justice are revealed to us when we learn to judge others not from our own minds and ideas, but by understanding their psyche, what moved them and according to what laws these people, who “offended” us, developed. When we understand others as we understand ourselves, we justify them with our hearts. This gives an explosive release from the oppression of the grievances that destroyed us.
The shift of points of perception at the training "System-vector psychology" gives versatile effects. You experience a taste of fulfillment in fairness to others, which fills you in itself with a sense of dignity and worth. Ease and pleasure return to relationships with people. You stop living "by contradiction", create life creatively, write your own script for real.
