How to deal with heartache
It happens when the earth leaves from under your feet from the loss of a loved one: parting, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. How to live if the world is not the same? How to relieve the heartache if the dear relationship cannot be revived? Maybe be patient and wait?
The irreparable has already happened. The misfortune did not happen in the movies, but in real life. How to deal with mental pain?
Time cures?
It happens when the earth leaves from under our feet from the loss of a loved one: parting, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. The heart keeps the worries from the joint move to a new apartment, the birth of children or walks in the park. You remember with what expression he is happy, sad, or grumbled. You know how many sugar cubes he likes to add to tea. And suddenly the usual way is crossed out.
How to live if the world is not the same? How to relieve the heartache if the dear relationship cannot be revived? Maybe be patient and wait? Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" offers another way - to understand the causes of mental pain and get rid of it with the help of psychoanalysis.
The word is first aid
Even years after the departure of a loved one, it can be painful to re-read letters addressed to you, in which he shared his innermost experiences. At best, the mental pain of parting - or betrayal, violence - dulls over the years. But you don't have to passively wait to be freed from emotional distress. Just the opposite. There is no time to waste in treating the pain of a wound.
The first aid with a strong mental shock is to speak out.
There is an opinion that when a person has experienced stress, he should be left alone with feelings and "not to open the wound." In fact, to cope with the pain of the soul, you need to immediately start talking with your loved one about what happened. Do not close emotions in yourself, do not hold back tears, do not suppress painful experiences. And not a single painful memory can be ignored.
If emotional suffering is associated with the fact that a person cannot be returned, it is advisable to discuss as many happy moments and feelings associated with him as possible. Talk about his achievements and merits. Such memories will smooth out the bitterness of loss, making room for bright sadness.
It is important to speak out as early as possible after a traumatic event, otherwise negative experiences will be forced into the unconscious. If this happens, it will be more difficult to deal with the mental pain later.
It is important to observe safety precautions. Be serious when choosing a person for a sincere conversation. Make sure he takes care of your emotions, heartache.
This method can be regarded as first aid, like artificial respiration. When this tool from the psychological "first aid kit" has completed its task, a person needs a resource to live on.
How to live on?
People can experience a difficult situation in different ways, and the consequences of losses manifest themselves differently depending on the characteristics of the human psyche.
Emotional suffering
There are people for whom the breakdown of the emotional connection is especially painful. System-vector psychology defines them as representatives of the visual vector.
Emotions are important for people with this type of psyche. In one hour, they can experience the whole gamut of experiences from fear to love. They strive to build emotional bonds with people with whom they can exchange hidden feelings or give warmth of the soul.
The loss of emotional connections makes their soul ache. Due to unbearable suffering, visual people after a trauma can close, avoid further showing feelings. By doing this they drive themselves into a trap. After all, then they do not fully realize the abilities inherent in nature, which means to a large extent they also lose the ability to experience the joy of life.
It happens the other way around, when, due to mental pain, it is difficult for them to cope with emotions. Restrain feelings beyond strength. Sobbing comes, reality is hardly recognized from emotional overexcitement. From such splashes, my hands are shaking, my head is broken. Emptiness and melancholy replaces.
Such states can be the result of fear. It serves as a starting point for development in all people with a visual vector. Normally, in an adult, the emotion of fear is redirected to empathy, but in situations of severe stress, it happens that habitual response skills are washed away by a wave of a broken dam. Then the root fear of death can be exposed. It is not always realized and can be expressed at the level of psychosomatics, including panic attacks.
Guilt
This condition is caused by the peculiarities of the psyche of the anal vector. Friendship and family for such people is sacred. If they are sure that they hurt a loved one, then they strongly reproach themselves for it. Self-criticism is fueled by the innate tenacious memory of the anal vector. She firmly captures the details of the past, even if you don't want to remember them at all. And if there is no way to fix the past? A person may be stuck in a state of guilt for a long time and not know how to build his life further. The situation will change if you find a way to make amends by caring for those in need.
Loneliness
People with a sound vector have a difficult time breaking up with a person with whom they have developed a spiritual relationship. With whom they could talk about something important, deep, share intellectual insights. With whom they could keep silent on the same wavelength. Such a silent understanding is dear to the owner of the sound vector. The loss of a loved one can feel like endless loneliness. But even when experiencing the most severe mental pain, the sound engineer may look emotionless outwardly.
Mental pain carries a great charge of feelings. It is important to give them the right direction to deal with grief. It is difficult for a person to cope with suffering when he is focused on himself, on his feelings. If you direct feelings outward, to other people, turn mental pain into empathy, then hopeless melancholy will be replaced by light sadness and endless gratitude to the person who was there.
Yes, nothing can be changed. The incident cannot be corrected … But a grandmother from a nursing home receives a glass of water from a volunteer. Once she was young and energetic, but now she is unable to turn over on her other side without assistance. She needs help and empathy. A glass of water will not bring back youth, but she and the person who gave her to drink are no longer so alone.
This does not mean that the mental pain of volunteering will go away immediately. But it will be lived differently. A person will have sensuality on a new level. He will be able to use this resource to build a new, fulfilling life.
The exchange of feelings nourishes the soul, like a river spring. If you block the underground spring, the river will dry up. Feelings come alive when we put them in other people - and this brings them back to life.
Realizing mental processes, understanding the cause-and-effect relationships of our sensations, a person ceases to be a hostage of difficult conditions. He has the strength to live. Here's how thousands of people did it after the training:
