Conflicts between parents and children: how to establish a connection between generations
The conflict between parents and children again comes into our lives, already within the framework of a family built by our own hands. How to break this vicious circle, which is firmly established in a whole series of generations? How, finally, can you get rid of bad conditions yourself and stop passing them on to your children?
The conflict between parents and children can deprive any family of peace and even destroy relationships for many years. A child who grows up in an atmosphere of constant conflict, becoming an adult, often moves away from his parents. Having finally received the long-awaited freedom, he does not seek to maintain relations with his parental family, perceiving it as the source of his many years of suffering. Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology explains how to solve and even prevent the emergence of conflicts and misunderstandings between generations. Through a deeper understanding of yourself and the reasons for the actions of loved ones.
How to run away from yourself
Alas, the attitudes laid down in childhood become a part of ourselves, our psyche. Therefore, we cannot simply “escape” from the problem, moving away from our parents. We continue to carry this damage within ourselves, in our own soul.
Today, probably, everyone has heard that "all problems come from childhood." Indeed, the psychological "trauma" and "anchors" we acquired in childhood, in a sense, do not allow us to truly grow. Unleash and fully realize your potential abilities and talents. Build happy couples and become successful parents yourself.
This creates a vicious circle. The conflict between parents and children again comes into our lives, already within the framework of a family built by our own hands. How to break this vicious circle, which is firmly established in a whole series of generations? How, finally, can you get rid of bad conditions yourself and stop passing them on to your children?
Start with yourself
To sort out the accumulated heap of mutual claims between representatives of different generations, you need to find some initial point of support. And the easiest way to find it is within yourself.
Why did such an act of my mother cause me a certain reaction (resentment, anger, anger)? Why do certain features or habits of my own child irritate me? The answers to any such questions lie in the structure of the human psyche.
Genetics - not "pseudoscience"? Who am I like?
Genetically, by inheritance, we can get from our parents only external signs: eye color or nose shape. But the psyche of each person is arranged in its own way. It is based, as Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology explains, is based on eight vectors, or eight basic elements of the psyche.
Each of them assigns to a person a certain set of innate characteristics, properties and desires. Each person has his own set of vectors. And by the properties of our psyche, we can radically differ from our parents, just like our children - from us.
All conflicts between parents and children are based primarily on the lack of the necessary psychological knowledge. We do not know ourselves and do not know our own children. A systematic perception of the world and people around us helps us get rid of this psychological blindness and, finally, see ourselves and others as we really are.
Parents and Children: Vector Conflicts
Here we have a slow, unhurried kid. Sbiten and strong, slightly clubfoot. He fiddles slowly, putting his toys in their places. Slowly dresses and goes to the kindergarten. To thoroughly complete his affairs, this kid, who, according to Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, has an anal vector, needs more time than the rest.
On the threshold of impatience, his nimble mother with a skin vector is already jumping up and down. “How long are you going to mess around? How can? We'll be late again because of you! Well, you and I have a brake, can't you get ready quickly?"
Of course, without systemic knowledge, a skin mother cannot understand her baby. Her psyche is arranged exactly the opposite: she is mobile and dexterous, fast and active. Appreciates time, does not tolerate delays.
Mistakes are costly
Alas, ignorance of the laws of the psyche does not free us from the negative consequences of erroneous upbringing.
For example, it is no accident that an anal child is naturally given such slowness and thoroughness. This is the owner of an analytical mind, it is important for him that everything is carefully and "on the shelves." He strives to achieve quality. If you give such a child enough time, he will become an excellent scientist, analyst, teacher, critic. And at school age, he will certainly be the best student in the class, because to accumulate knowledge is his natural desire.
When the anal child is cut off and rushed, his psyche is unable to develop adequately. The negative consequences in this case can be as follows:
- stubbornness and negativism both in everyday matters and in educational
- constipation (as a consequence of the fact that the mother urges, "rips off the pot")
- the desire not to constructive criticism, but to humiliate and devalue the actions of other people
- aggression and self-aggression, both physical and verbal
- stuttering (in case of constant interruption of actions and speech of the child, when he tries to tell about something)
- problems with digestion or heart rhythm disturbances.
Family is a complex system of different people
This is just one elementary example from the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, which clearly demonstrates the consequences of our psychological illiteracy. In fact, on the scale of one family, the situation is much more complicated.
There is not only parental conflict with the child. Relationships in a couple are also built on the basis of mutual misunderstanding. This leads to the fact that our children grow up in an atmosphere of quarrels and endless claims.
Brothers and sisters also rarely manage to learn how to build a favorable relationship with each other: in this situation, conflicts between children are almost inevitable.
Overcoming conflict: children and parents can understand each other
Thanks to the systemic perception of people, we become able to see each other as we are.
First of all, it gives us the opportunity to completely reconsider our own childhood psychotraumas, resentments against parents, our claims against them. This is of enormous importance.
The fact is that, as Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology explains, the custom to honor the father and mother arose in culture and various religions by no means accidentally. From our parents we take life itself as such. And when in our hearts we push our parents away (perhaps they were unfair or even cruel to us), then unconsciously, along with this, we reject life itself. We deprive ourselves of the opportunity to live it joyfully and happily.
At the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, we get an awareness of all the reasons why our parents showed themselves in one way or another. This helps us to free our hearts from claims and grievances against them.
This does not mean at all that you will welcome an alcoholic father into your house, who abandoned you in early childhood and did not appear in your life for several decades. We have the right to protect ourselves from the real harm that other people suffer, even if they are our parents.
But understanding the reasons for their actions, their motives, helps you free yourself from any negative consequences. The psyche sheds from itself that unbearable burden that has burdened you with a heavy burden for many years. And you become able to maximally realize yourself in life and receive joy and pleasure from it.
To be happy is to grow happy
On the other hand, we get the opportunity to finally see our own children with a clear eye. To understand in detail the peculiarities of their psyche, to obtain an optimal model of upbringing. Our paired relationship also goes to a completely different level of mutual understanding and spiritual closeness. Intra-family conflicts between children are leveled.
Thanks to systemic perception, the family gets a complete recovery. This is evidenced by the many reviews of people who have undergone training.
Build happy intergenerational relationships by gaining a systemic view of the world. Register for free online lectures on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan here.