Obsessive fear of falling out of love
“And in general: either you love or you don’t,” I thought so confidently, until I came across a situation that happened to one person close to me …
Divination for love
Loves - does not love, spit, and maybe take and kiss. In childhood, these issues were solved simply. You take a chamomile and you get the answer: he loves. If the first seven daisies do not give the desired answer, then the main thing is not to give up: one of them will end on the right petal. In adulthood, the methods of clarifying the question "does he love?", Of course, have changed, but no one canceled the chamomile.
And what to do when the question is different. Not "Do they love me?" But "Do I love?" It would seem, what is easier? Who knows us better than ourselves? And even if there are doubts about your feelings, sooner or later the answer will come.
“And in general: either you love or you don’t,” I thought so confidently, until I came across a situation that happened to one person close to me.
What if I don't love him anymore?
Julia has been living for many months, in her own words, in "hell": in constant questions, does she love her young man, whom she has been dating for more than a year.
The severity of the situation lies in the fact that the thought that she does not love him causes real panic. Where this thought came from, Julia did not understand. But one day, as usual, she looked tenderly at her sleeping beloved, and suddenly it flashed through her head: “I don’t feel the same feelings! What if I don't love him anymore?"
Yulia was seized with fear. The thought made her physically ill. Nausea, palpitations, chills. Anxiety and even unwillingness to live on if her love is over.
For two weeks she cried all day long, trying to cope with this obsessive thought. The mention of a young man caused a strong surge of anxiety, which was impossible to cope with.
Julia listened to herself all the time: are there old feelings in her? If she felt them, she calmed down, if not, fear seized her soul and body. She spent hours looking at their old shared photos, trying to remember what she felt before, but felt nothing but excruciating fear. Gradually, everything connected with him and their relationship began to cause great anxiety.
The difficulty was that Yulia could not figure out: did she really stop loving or is it just an obsessive thought that brings so much torment?
Love or fear
The fact is that this was not the first terrible thought that took Julia away from her life. A year ago, she was afraid for several months that she was sick with cancer. Visits to the doctors brought temporary relief, but not for long. Then this fear was replaced by another.
With a certain frequency, Yulia was filled with various kinds of fears and now, as at all previous times, she could not separate fear from reality. "Do I really dislike him more, or is this just a frightening thought that causes anxiety and a number of other very negative emotions and feelings?"
When Yulia thought it was just an obsessive thought, she felt great relief. So, everything is all right, and this fear is just another fear in her life. A disease that will surely pass. And they will still be happy, their connection is inseparable, because it is he who is her true love, which she dreamed of since childhood.
It was this love that became the meaning of her life, justified all previous suffering, it is he - her only one, and she wants to love only him. But then another thought crept into my head like a black fog: “What if not? And I don't love him anymore? Life was losing its meaning. I wanted to die so as not to feel this pain.
Is there life without love
Indeed, what is the point in life if there is no love in it? Love inspires, inspires, fills, gives strength. But is this true for each of us?
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan provides an answer to this question. The fact is that among us there is a certain type of people for whom the concepts of "love" and "fear" have a special meaning. System-vector psychology defines such people as people with a visual vector.
A vector is a set of desires and properties of the psyche. A person has vectors from birth. One person can have, on average, three to five vectors. The desires and properties of the vector are interrelated: a person wants exactly what he is able to achieve.
People with a visual vector are emotional, sensitive, impressionable, easily suggestible. As well as observant, attentive and imaginative.
A person with a visual vector is characterized by a huge emotional amplitude and the most frequent change in emotional states. Emotions for a visual person are a way to experience life. Sometimes his emotions can instantly replace each other - and already recently a bitterly crying person laughs loudly.
I feel means I live
People with a visual vector want to love and be loved. But it is not always possible to experience a state of love euphoria. And for a number of reasons, they suddenly "fall" into a state of fear.
The cause of fears can be over-stress, for example, breaking an emotional connection with a loved one. Or a long-term lack of self-realization in society, for example, if a visual person left work, where there were many opportunities for communication, creating emotional connections, new impressions and helping other people. Another reason may be the lack of the skill to correctly apply one's psychic properties in life and get pleasure from it.
When the state of fear becomes a way of life and a constant companion, then it does not matter what exactly in the external world causes it. And then every day the viewer experiences fear, excitement, panic, anxiety, phobias almost constantly. And the reasons that cause them simply replace each other. So, the fear of heights is replaced by the fear of insects. And fear for one's life can at any moment take the form of fear of confined spaces, panic attacks.
Obsessive fearful thoughts take away the joy of life and turn it into continuous torment. Thus, a person fills himself with acute experiences and receives such necessary emotions for him. But such emotions do not bring him joy.
Born in fear of love … capable of
In a pair relationship, the lover is limited in giving his feelings to only one person. Even in the happiest couples relationships, there is a feeling that you want to love more, more and more, and this is simply impossible.
Born to love, people with visual vectors are often trapped in a variety of fears. As Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology explains to us, the spectator's root emotion is the fear of death, hidden in the unconscious, and other fears are only forms of its manifestation.
At the same time, fear brought out through compassion and empathy for others is transformed into a state of love and into a number of other good emotional and sensory states.
Realizing his potential in interaction with other people, a person with a visual vector experiences positive feelings that fill him, and when he closes in on himself and his feelings, feelings and emotions, he experiences negative states, for example, various fears and phobias.
One step from fear to love
The state of fear is primary, and then it doesn't matter what exactly I am afraid of, the psyche will certainly find a frightening object. Whether it is the loss of love, or rather the loss of acute emotions associated with this experience, or the fear of getting sick with a serious illness.
And if we consider that the highest value for a developed person with a visual vector is love, which he can experience like no other, then the fear of losing it can bring the highest suffering and is equated to a real life disaster. Indeed, the fear of loss is not really the fear that you will stop loving. And the hidden fear that they will stop loving you. Especially when an emotional connection with another person is the only meaning of life for him, and all the huge potential of sensuality is directed only to a partner.
At some point (and it necessarily comes, sooner or later), the first acute emotions experienced by the lovers begin to be lacking, and the person begins to fill these voids with negative experiences (fears, obsessive thoughts, panic attacks).
The intensity of unrealized feelings, the lack of acute emotions will surely find a way out through painful conditions, taking away the joy of love for a loved one.
Choosing love
Any person who experiences states of sadness, excitement, anxiety, fear, with all his heart wants to cope with them. It is very difficult day after day to go through the exhausting emotional stress, bursting with sobs with or without reason. And it is impossible to overcome uncontrollable changes in emotional states and an outlandish form of fear when you do not understand what is happening to you.
A deep awareness of their properties, a natural task, which Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology offers, allows a person with a visual vector to stop shaking with fear and feel how their shoulders are straightened, how they manage to take the first breath of liberation from obsessive thoughts and bad conditions. Until this moment, you do not fully understand how anxiety and fear for your life twisted your whole body and squeezed your throat, preventing you from breathing deeply.
For a person who wholeheartedly wants to love, there is no question: "Am I in love or am I afraid?" … He just wants to live enjoying love and the joy of intimacy. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan offers a methodology that allows you to work not with the consequences of the root fear of death, but with its cause. It helps to understand the processes taking place in the unconscious, which means, to get rid of the shackles of fears, phobias, obsessive thoughts forever.
Here are some stories of people who have done it:
The first steps in understanding oneself and overcoming negative states are already available at free online lectures on Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register here:
