An insecure person - a victim of fears or a stimulus to development?
“You’re just an insecure person,” say friends and family. And you agree, because, indeed, you are not confident in your own abilities. Of course, this is not life, but sheer torment. The reason for self-doubt can be trauma from childhood, false attitudes, which are so rich in the modern world, stress due to the rapidly changing rhythm of life, or long-term failure to fulfill one's desires. Understanding his psyche, a person ceases to be a hostage of the situation, and only in this case consciousness can become an ally of our innate desires …
It seems to you that you are somehow different. That people will notice this and condemn you, will laugh, point fingers, you will become a laughing stock. Because of this fear, you cannot live a normal life. You are afraid to say something wrong, do something wrong, dress for the wrong place, sit on the wrong chair, make a wrong sandwich.
And you seem to understand that nothing irreparable will happen, that in case of failure you can turn everything into a joke, but as soon as you start to act, a lump rolls up to your throat, your knees tremble, your hands sweat, your face becomes redder than tomato paste, and indistinct ones escape from your mouth, abrupt phrases. At such moments, only one thought revolves in my head: "It would rather end."
“You’re just an insecure person,” say friends and family. And you agree, because, indeed, you are not confident in your own abilities. The only thing you are 100% sure of is that you need to do something about it, you need to somehow overcome your self-doubt. But first you need to understand what you are dealing with.
Natural fears: gift or punishment?
Yuri Burlan's "System Vector Psychology" says that every person is born with a certain set of properties (vectors) that determine his character, worldview, value system, desires, goals, and even innate fears.
As a rule, a feeling of self-doubt is characteristic of people with an anal-visual ligament of vectors.
The owner of the anal vector is a person of quality who strives to achieve perfection in everything. Therefore, nature endowed him with such properties as perseverance, attentiveness, thoroughness. If a person with an anal vector realizes his innate potential, then whatever he undertakes, he brings everything to the highest level. In the anal vector, natural fear is the fear of disgrace.
The visual vector is the king of emotions and imaginative intelligence. Such a person has the widest range of feelings and experiences any event a million times brighter and more emotionally than the carriers of the other seven vectors. The root emotion is the fear of death.
With the proper level of development and implementation, the visual person transforms fear into compassion for other people, creating emotional connections with them. And if not, he is possessed by fears and phobias, which can manifest themselves in different ways - from fear of spiders to horror of communicating with people.
Fear in everyday life is a signal of the psyche that a person does not fulfill his role in society, does not use his skills for the benefit of others, but is focused on himself. As soon as we begin to forget about the people around us, we immediately receive a blow in the form of heightened fears. And self-doubt in an anal-visual person is nothing more than fears: the fear of dishonor in the anal vector, supported by hypertrophied visual images and an innate fear of death.
How uncertainty is born
The desire to be the best in everything in the anal vector and the best for everyone, or rather beloved, in the visual vector forms in the anal-visual person such traits as softness, good nature, responsiveness. Shyness, modesty and indecision may be characteristic of him. He is the one who will listen carefully, sympathize, and come to the rescue at the first call. Such a person cannot be harsh, cannot fight back, it is difficult for him to say "no", because he is afraid of offending, offending the feelings of another person, because he knows how painful it can be.
Usually, an anal-visual person is realized in art as a photographer, fashion designer, designer, artist, jeweler, because this is facilitated by the desire for perfection and the talent to see beauty. Often these people work as doctors, scientists, because their imaginative intellect and analytical thinking makes them able to memorize and analyze huge layers of information.
But if for some reason a person cannot show his skills in society, then he involuntarily dwells on himself. At first it happens unnoticed. Thoughts like: “I should have answered in a different way”, “For this event I had to put on this and behave this way. I look stupid. But these seemingly innocent thoughts gradually turn into a huge lump of claims and self-criticism.
And before he could blink an eye, a person was mired in a so-called inferiority complex and was desperately looking for any ways to somehow overcome fear and self-doubt. It seems to him that the whole world is looking at him appraisingly and, holding its breath, is waiting for failure.
The power of memory: between the past and the present
Unpleasant memories add fuel to the fire. For example, some moment of an unsuccessful performance, endlessly scrolling in my head. It could have been at the blackboard, but for an anal person, whose perception is directed to the past, this situation seems to have just happened yesterday. And the visual vector makes its own figurative adjustments. And now, getting ready for the next performance, the anal-visual person recalls that terrible day in great detail and involuntarily thinks that the same thing awaits him now.
Of course, this is not life, but sheer torment. You need to check every step you take, check every action, think over every next phrase. Therefore, a person tries to stay in the shadows as much as possible: he “goes out into the world” only out of great need, at a meeting he always sits in the farthest corner, basically does not start conversations with strangers, even when the interlocutor is interesting to him and could get an excellent dialogue.
The reason for self-doubt can be trauma from childhood, false attitudes, which are so rich in the modern world, stress due to the rapidly changing rhythm of life, or long-term failure to fulfill one's desires.
Consciousness and the unconscious: where fears live
Often on forums, in online articles about personality psychology, at an appointment with a psychotherapist and also at personal growth trainings, you can find a lot of tips on how to overcome self-doubt, get rid of the role of a victim and increase self-esteem. This includes affirmations, meditations, attempts to devalue the significance of an event, work with childhood grievances, and much more. All these recommendations are aimed at conscious work, that is, you need to outsmart yourself in some way. And if this were possible, then the person would have stopped searching long ago and returned his confidence to his place.
It should be noted that without knowledge of the characteristics of the psyche, some methods of dealing with uncertainty can be "psycho-traumatic." For example, a psychologist often recommends a client to do something out of the ordinary, arguing that it is necessary to be completely disgraced once and nothing will be scary. But such psychotherapy will only add another bad experience to the piggy bank of anal-visual memories, which will have a negative impact on a person's entire life.
For a competent solution to a problem, it is important to find its root. The relentless repetition of the mantra "I am the most charming and attractive" will not give long-term results, since the problem itself is in the unconscious, in our psyche. Understanding his psyche, a person ceases to be a hostage of the situation, and only in this case consciousness can become an ally of our innate desires.
How to overcome fear and insecurity
To regain your confidence forever, you need to take two steps:
1. Realize your nature
When a person understands who he is, what his features are and where he is moving, then a lot of false attitudes fly off. Desires imposed by society go away and its own are awakened.
The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan prints out all eight seals of the mysterious unconscious, releasing the hidden potential from the imprisonment of erroneous assumptions and far-fetched stereotypes.
A person learns to cope with any difficulties that stand in the way of achieving a goal, and no longer looks for advice from a psychologist on how to overcome self-doubt, as he is himself a psychologist and psychotherapist.
2. Shift your focus from yourself to others
No matter how healing the walls of your beloved apartment or no matter how attractive a lonely mountaintop may seem, a person is a social being. The greatest joy in our life comes only from interacting with other people.
By focusing on the interlocutor, understanding his nature, we learn to see his features and experience tremendous pleasure from communication. It is with such a focus on the other that fears of appearing ridiculous, inept, wrong do not arise, and self-confidence appears.
Here's what the trainees say:
Already at the free online training "System-Vector Psychology" the latent motives of the unconscious become apparent. This gives an understanding of how a person works, how the world works and how to interact with it. As a result, you stop comparing yourself with others, you get rid of false expectations, you no longer need to constantly think about how to overcome self-doubt, and endlessly rehearse in front of the mirror. Instead, you begin to feel the taste of life without fuss and stress.
Register and get your first results.
