Parenting yesterday and today is a work of complication
Underwater part of the iceberg
Raising a child … each parent puts their own vision of the process into this concept. One focuses on the education of independence, from an early age teaches discipline and order, the other tries to give as much positive emotions as possible, more often to please the child so that he feels parental love, the third puts intellectual development, training, knowledge and skills at the head.
Of course, parents of a different sort also happen, believing that the child will grow up well himself, you can not interfere, but this article is not for them.
We begin to think about the correctness of our way of raising a child only when certain problems appear in the behavior of the baby, troubles at school or difficulties in communicating with peers.
It would seem that they did everything right, in any case, no worse than everyone else, but where did this habit of stealing, cheating, why, WHY did the child become so cruel and stubborn, what is the REASON for daily hysterics, panic fears, isolation and detachment or other problems. And most importantly, what to do?
Indeed, there are happy occasions when the apple really falls near the apple tree, and the child appears to the parents as an open book, where through himself, according to his own feelings and ideas, everything is simple and clear.
But, when this is not the case, when the child is a list of questions for the parents, to which there are simply no answers. When he is completely different from mom and dad, when you don’t know what’s in his head, you don’t understand what he wants, and why he does certain actions, then upbringing “on a whim” does not work.
Modern children are complex, and with each successive generation there is more and more complexity. This means that the distance between parents and children is increasing, the abyss of mutual misunderstanding is growing, so it becomes more and more difficult to understand at the previous level of psychological knowledge.
Understanding the vector nature of each personality, which system-vector psychology provides, allows you to figure out what kind of fruit was born in your family, especially in the case when it is not at all psychologically similar to its parents.
It is possible and even necessary to develop every child, but development should correspond to the properties of the child's psyche, and not only to the parents' idea of what is good and what is bad.
The most complex technique requires special technical training for its correct use. What can we say about the subtlest psychological mechanisms of development of those very "indigo" children, generation Z, generation "millennium" who are born in our families? Working with a person's destiny requires special knowledge, and working with NEW people requires the latest knowledge in psychology - the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
You can love a child in different ways, you can take care in different ways, the main thing is that the upbringing corresponds to the innate psychological properties of the baby.
Discipline, control and regime will make the skin child a successful leader, organizer and businessman. The same control in upbringing is able to push the urethral child to escape from home and the criminal environment.
Without frequent and full-fledged communication with parents, an oral baby can grow up to be a big liar, jester and even a querulant, while a sound baby, on the contrary, quickly gets tired of noisy communication and strives for silence and solitude.
However, if parents understand the nature of their child, the approach to upbringing is formed practically by itself, deep mutual understanding gives productive feedback, the very sincere trust is built when you are initiated into the most intimate secrets and entrusted with the most delicate problems in the life of a small person.
The foundation of the basics
Whatever set of vectors your baby is endowed with, an extremely important aspect for the development of any psychological properties of a child is an emotional connection with his mother. Thanks to this connection, the baby develops a sense of security and safety, in the halo of which he is able to develop in the best way.
Agree, in a state of constant stress, fear and uncertainty, we are no longer talking about any kind of development. Here it would be to survive.
Until the end of puberty, a child is not able to make decisions on his own, take responsibility for his life and future, plan his actions and be responsible for their consequences. His psyche is not yet ready to perform such functions. Everything should come in due time.
This very feeling of security and safety allows the child not to think about the "adult" problems in his life, which he is not yet able to solve anyway. It serves as the basis on which the psychological capabilities of the future personality are built, because as far as the child has time to develop before the end of puberty, at this level he will be able to realize himself throughout his adult life.
When a child loses this feeling of security, instead of development, he tries to provide it for himself by any means available to him, and only the most primitive or archetypal options for satisfying his desires are available to the child, because he is only in the process of development, at the beginning of the path. This is clearly explained by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Such primitive options are theft in the skin vector, stubbornness and cruelty in the anal, fears and hysteria in the visual, immersion in oneself in the sound, and so on.
Trying to fill the emptiness that has formed in conditions of loss of a sense of security and safety, the child is led by his innate desires, satisfying them directly, as he knows how, how he feels. Often, even he himself cannot explain why he does this. It just does it and that's it. Unconscious promises live on them. Each property requires its own fulfillment, each desire longs for satisfaction, and we can teach the child to realize his aspirations at a higher, highest level, but for this he needs a foundation under his feet in the form of a feeling of security.
What is an emotional connection? This is a close emotional contact with the child. The ability and sincere desire to share with him his sorrows or victories, his joys and disappointments, the ability and desire to listen to and hear the child, the desire to delve into the essence of the problem, even when it seems ridiculous or unworthy of attention to you. It is a kind of art to compromise in search of a solution to a common problem, taking into account the interests of both adults and children.
It doesn't take 24 hours a day to create a strong emotional bond with your child, as it might seem at first. It all depends on the vector set of the kid. For example, it is generally a burden for sound children to have excessive attention from household members, they feel quite comfortable alone, the main thing is not to turn it into an end in itself.
Communication on the way from kindergarten or school, a 20-minute game, reading a book or a walk together, a bedtime story or a secret conversation on personal topics. … Here are a few options that can let you know if your child has any problem or not. in the affairs and difficulties of the baby and provide psychological comfort to the child in the form of a sense of security and safety.
It would be fundamentally wrong to devote absolutely all of your time to a child to the detriment of your own realization, since a full-fledged and effective upbringing becomes possible only in the absence of shortages or frustrations from the parents themselves. The unbalanced psychological state of the mother affects the development of the child as negatively as the wrong approach to upbringing. While your own head is occupied with voids in implementation, communication with a child risks turning into one of the ways to displace negativity on a weaker and more dependent person.
Improving parenting qualifications
The changes in relationships with children are evidenced by hundreds of responses from listeners who have undergone training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. On the results page, you can familiarize yourself with the personal stories of parents who have been trying to solve the problem of a “difficult teenager” for more than one year and have received results only after the training. Parents of children diagnosed with hyperactivity, attention deficit disorder, autism spectrum disorders, developmental delays, up to the removal of all diagnoses, have gained significant success in upbringing.
Today's mistakes in the upbringing of the younger generation are fraught with the sad fate of both one person and the whole society. The world is becoming global as never before and we are more and more dependent on each other. The degree of development of today's children forms the level of realization of the future society, the world in which our children will live.
It is the level of psychological development of a generation that is responsible for the frequency of such social problems as alcoholism, theft, pedophilia, domestic violence, drug addiction, adolescent suicide and many others, the causes of which are revealed by systemic vector psychology.
By becoming parents, we completely change our lives, we receive as a gift a source of love, joy, pride and happiness, and we are able to make it that way. Today there is a desperate splash of hands and a sad "we did everything we could, and he grew up like that!" is no longer any excuse. Only your desire to improve your psychological literacy in order to understand the problem of child education can give you a unique tool for working with any personality, including your own.
The secrets of raising the most difficult children will be revealed at the next free introductory online lectures on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
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