Scary tales from reality - my child's fears
- Mother! Mommy! I'm afraid! - there was a terrible cry from the nursery. Again! Who is Anya so shy? After two weeks of sleep deprivation from her daughter's nightmares, her mother's patience ran out. She decided not to wait, but to act.
- Mother! Mommy! I'm afraid! - there was a terrible cry from the nursery. Having somehow lifted her head from the pillow, Zhenya realized that it was the voice of her five-year-old daughter. Again! How tired, tomorrow to work, and she is not allowed to sleep properly. The cry was repeated. The husband, snoring sweetly, turned over on the other side. The person is lucky. Hears nothing. He sleeps well.
Zhenya finally woke up and went to her daughter.
Anya was sitting in the corner of the bed with huge eyes with horror and was crying.
- What happened? Why don't you sleep and don't give to others?
- Mom, Baba Yaga came to me, wanted to take me to her!
Each time the stories were different: either the daughter dreamed of a dragon, then a poisonous viper crawled, then the coffin came on wheels, then the late grandfather stood outside the window with a cross in his hands.
Trivia
At first, Zhenya brushed it off. Children's fears are a manifestation of fantasy, daughter's whims. Artifice. She herself did not experience any fears in childhood. And here on you! Who is Anya so shy?
She had to get up at night and calm her daughter down with all the tricks she knew. She left the lights on and tried to explain that Baba Yaga was a fictional character. However, nothing helped, the daughter still woke up at night, screaming, pale and trembling. “In time it will pass, - colleagues at work persuaded, - wait.”
After two weeks of sleep deprivation from her daughter's nightmares, her mother's patience ran out. She decided not to wait, but to act.
Granny's advice
I called my mother-in-law: “She raised five children. She worked as an elementary school teacher for twenty years. He knows firsthand about children's fears! - Zhenya thought.
My grandmother shared her experience with pleasure. Good advice.
“The girl is capricious, comes up with scary stories, because she lacks parental attention and care. How much time, dear parents, do you devote to the baby a day? Excuses are not accepted. The child should be a priority!"
Zhenya took a vacation. I made my husband walk with his daughter every night and talk about how he dealt with his fears. Father obediently told Anya how he was afraid of heights for a long time until he jumped off the roof - then his fear vanished like a hand.
But for some reason, the treatment of the daughter's fear of increased parental attention did not work. The night tantrums continued.
Tempered by fear
The best way to get rid of fear is to defeat it! “Take the first step, and you will understand that not everything is so scary,” the mother-in-law recalled the words of the Roman philosopher Seneca. Fear of children is treated with more fear. Will survive and everything will pass.
Read fairy tales about Babu Yaga and make sure that you do not need to be afraid. Afraid of the dog - buy a puppy home. Tame fear! Afraid of the dark - close it in a dark room for a while, thereby fostering will and tempering character. Reluctantly, the parents put grandmother's upbringing recipes into practice.
The situation is at an impasse. Miraculous methods brought the girl to a painful state. I had to give the puppy into good hands, and leave fairy tales about Bluebeard and other horror films on the bookshelf.
Fear has big eyes
“Children tend to exaggerate everything. To make mountains out of molehills. It is necessary to show the girl the boundaries of the real and the fictional. Do not listen, do not support her fantasies with attention. In the behavior of the child, we get what we encourage. The daughter screams in fright - calm down, and then do not listen, switch her attention to something else. Let Anechka be ashamed to fool her parents' heads with her fairy tales. She wants her parents to listen to her - let him tell the truth, not invent anything!"
Parents obediently fulfilled the next order of the grandmother. A week later, Ani's anxiety increased. She began to cry in the afternoon because she would soon go blind and die.
The rooster on the mountain whistled - the parents did not begin to experiment more with their child. They could not see the suffering of their daughter. The grandmother began to insist that her granddaughter visit a neurologist. You look, they will prescribe magic pills, soothe Anya's shattered nervous system, and there are no problems.
Hello psychologist
The need for medical intervention shocked the parents - it seemed like the most extreme measure to harm the child's health with pharmaceuticals. And they decided to seek qualified help - they went to a psychologist.
A well-fed woman, hung with various amulets and jewelry, turned out to be a professional healer of baby souls, who was advised by friends. Stella Ivanovna began to interpret common truths to them:
“Parents must, first of all, create such conditions for the development of the child so that he feels safe. Fears of children are formed in a natural way at the age of five to seven - visual thinking develops, but they turn into painful only in difficult circumstances.
The child may have been in a stressful situation. Maybe you have an alarming situation at home. Or a complete misunderstanding of the daughter's personality. There are many other factors in the formation of neglected children's fears. It is important for parents to accept Ani's fear, understand her, change their attitude towards her, and respect her fears. Children's fears only seem stupid, but for a child this is a significant state, a serious reason for anxiety and worries!"
The psychologist advised to listen to Anya to the end, to support her. Do not in any way make fun of her fears, do not shame her for what she is experiencing.
Flush fear down the toilet
The psychologist chose drawing as the method of getting rid of childhood fears. She asked Anya to portray fear on paper. Then they tore up the drawings, flushed them down the toilet, set them on fire.
To parents, such actions seemed similar to pagan rites, but the number of diplomas issued to Stella Ivanovna testified that she was a master of her craft.
Anya was happy to paint, but she also woke up at night. The ghost of Baba Yaga haunted her, worn out her parents.
We treat with a fairy tale
Stella Ivanovna took decisive action - she came up with fairy tales in which evil heroes died. I asked Anya to come up with such tales. Then they played scenes with the murder of Baba Yaga by the good hero over and over again. Anya became calmer, but she continued to be afraid to remain in the dark, she was still afraid of cemeteries, funerals, death.
The psychologist said that these are understandable and quite natural fears - an increased instinct for self-preservation works in a child. As he grows up, he will recede into the background. The main thing is to love your daughter.
For Anya's parents, it remained a mystery: why exactly did their child find himself in such a situation? After all, not all children wake up screaming and not everyone has terrible dreams. Some guys go into the fire, go through copper pipes - they don't care about anything! Not a shadow of fear on my face.
Why are some children afraid of the dark, others of poisoning, others flinching from loud noises? Where to look for the reasons for the fear of children?
Children with visual vector
Only Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology provides clear and complete answers to these questions.
The innate ability to perceive vividly the world around us in all its colors, to feel the color of emotions is given to 5% of children in the world for a reason. In ancient times, they were born to perform a very important species role - to warn the flock of danger. It was they who could see the leopard through the leaves of the trees and thereby save their relatives and their lives. Lightning fear and a quiet "oh!" was the beginning of a general retreat.
The modern visual child is born with the same primitive program deeply embedded in the psychic. Special sensitivity, a large palette of emotions, and a willingness to cry at any moment are characteristic only of children with a visual vector.
They absorb information through the eyes. Enjoy beautiful pictures. The fear of the dark is their own fear, the fear of not seeing a bloodthirsty predator under the cover of night. They are not exaggerating when they say that they see an elephant in the place of a fly - they actually perceive reality this way.
The polar pole of fear is love. From birth to the end of puberty, a visual child goes through several stages in its development in stages: from the primitive state of fear for oneself to fear for others, empathy. From the animation of plush toys and dolls, love for animals to the ability to create strong emotional ties with loved ones, and in the case of maximum development - to universal love for all of humanity, for life as such.
The development of these properties is possible only if parents create the right conditions for this. And this, unfortunately, very rarely happens if the parents do not differentiate the vectors. More often, parents, when faced with difficulties in upbringing, feel confused and do not know which side to approach them.
They do not suspect that reading scary tales, scaring a visual child with a man-eating wolf, taking him to a funeral means slowing down his development, driving him into a primitive state of fear. They do not know that forbidding a visual child to cry is to deprive him of the opportunity to develop. And that such a child needs to read fairy tales of empathy, compassion, so that he can break away from fear for himself into fear for someone else, bring his fear out.
Subsequently, visual people, stuck at a low level of development, frighten themselves by watching horror films in order to experience the scanty pleasure of swinging the pendulum of emotions. Spectators fall asleep, clutching a plush hare to their chest, and failing to present their feelings to living people. They will be worn out at every turn and prefer dogs to children.
Developed and realized women with a visual vector are the creators of aesthetics, ethics, morality, and culture. Thin and sensitive, they become brilliant actresses, psychotherapists, teachers of Russian language and literature, passing on the ability to empathize with other people for generations. And developed visual men are sensitive, capable of truly loving husbands and fathers.
Whether the child will hysterically defend his place under the sun, shake in fear and sway from the state of "scary" to "not so scary" or will he generously give love to the people around him - depends on how the parents approach his upbringing.
Will they be able to clear their minds from the slags of old stereotypes and find time for lectures on the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan?
