How my parents took me to eat
Driven by the desire to entertain our child, we are ready to organize a real holiday for him. Having invited animators in costumes of forest animals, we get upset if the kid is openly frightened by them, runs away and hides. It's just a wolf from a fairy tale, a doll the size of a man, what's so terrible about that?
The whole hall was shaking with laughter, applause and squeals. Ruddy children happily clapped their hands and shouted, singing along: "I left my grandmother, I left my grandfather!" The adults smiled with satisfaction, looking at how their little connoisseurs of puppet shows were enjoying themselves.
Only a little girl with huge eyes full of tears and horror shook and sobbed in the arms of her bewildered parents. On the phrase "I'll eat you!" she jumped up and just flew out of the hall.
- Yes-a-wai bo-o-lshe don't go here, dem ?! she babbled through tears with her lips pale with fear and pulled her mother by the hand.
Mom and Dad, looking at each other puzzled, tried to persuade her to return to the hall and watch the tale.
- Do you hear how the kids like it? It's a fairy tale about Kolobok! Maybe we'll see it?
The girl turned pale, there was real horror in her eyes, tears were streaming down her cheeks, and from the thought of returning to the hall she pressed against the wall and shook her head.
"What with her?" - Mom and Dad whispered, heading for the exit almost at a run.
- Maybe she's still small?
- Come on, little one, they sit in the hall and sit smaller, and nothing.
- Maybe show it to a psychologist?..
The impressionability of our children in most cases touches us. Admiration for flowers, butterflies, birds, stormy joy when meeting with parents or an emotional story about the day spent makes us smile. But sobbing with sobbing and wringing of hands because of a fallen candy, a broken flower, or the accidentally thrown phrase “I'll leave you here now,” cause a desire to calm, shame or harshly suppress the “breeding of snot”, especially if a boy is crying. The fear of darkness, heights, water, confined spaces and other things in a child makes us think about the causes of such phobias and the possibility of getting rid of them in a child.
Driven by the desire to entertain our child, we are ready to organize a real holiday for him. Having invited animators in costumes of forest animals, we get upset if the kid is openly frightened by them, runs away and hides. It's just a wolf from a fairy tale, a doll the size of a man, what's so terrible about that? All the other children are having fun, shouting, even grabbing the wolf by the tail, and the hero of the holiday, all in tears, is shaking in their mother's arms at the sight of the fangs of a gray predator. All efforts are down the drain. It's unpleasant, annoying, how much can you, in the end, be afraid of everything?
Is high emotionality good or bad?
How to raise a sensitive kid who is afraid of almost everything in the world?
Naive childhood fears - will it outgrow or "will we treat"?
FEAR IS ONE FOR ALL
To a certain extent, fear can be experienced by all people without exception, but fear as the main sensation, a kind of emotional trap of great strength, affecting behavior, quality of life and fate in general, is inherent only in representatives of the visual vector.
A visual kid gets indescribable pleasure from contemplating all the colors of the world. Passing information through his main sensor - vision, the child sincerely believes in everything he sees, happily fantasizes and takes everything to heart, experiencing emotions from a negative peak to a positive one. Any kind of creativity associated with a wide color gamut is perceived with a bang and is easy. In every drop of rain he sees a rainbow, in every flower - the sun, and in his mother's smile - happiness. At the same time, a broken toy, an escaped balloon or melted ice cream is a real grief, if not the end of the world. An emotional swing can swing one way or the other. These are manifestations of the same visual vector, often mistaken for whims or self-indulgence.
The key to the survival of the spectator in the primitive flock was the performance of the species role of the day guard. His task was: a) to see and b) to be afraid of predators or enemies. The compassionate and sensitive owner of the visual vector was unable to survive without the protection of his fellow tribesmen and often became a victim of his own mistakes. Overlooked - it was eaten. Therefore, it was the fear of death that forced the ancient day guard to turn his head 360 degrees and peer, peer into the savannah in search of danger.
Hence the fear of death, the largest, longest and deepest, became the root of all other fears and phobias of the visual person.
Rich imagination and imagination make the world of the little spectator bright and colorful, even when he is not. Imaginary friends, revived toys and heroes of books and cartoons are a natural stage in the development of a visual child. Any plot of a children's work is experienced by the spectator at the peak of his emotional abilities, he “burns with all his heart”, worrying about the heroes and including himself in every, even the most fabulous story.
Thus, associating himself with the same Kolobok, Little Boy with a Finger, Little Red Riding Hood or other heroes of fairy tales, the kid enters the role completely, experiencing all the sensations that, in his opinion, the hero feels. Rejoices so rejoices, sings so sings and, of course, dies so dies, being eaten by predators … The high emotional amplitude of the visual vector plus the ancient, therefore, the most powerful fear of death from the teeth of wild animals plunges a small child into a state of irresistible horror, to realize the cause of which (and thus more to explain to the parents), the baby certainly cannot.
The real horror grips the baby when his own parents become the source of fear, frightening the child from around the corner, in the dark, or grabbing him by the legs under the covers with the words: "I will eat you!"
FEAR-AHI: Nonsense OR Trap?
Such episodes and experiences in childhood record the development of the visual vector in a state of fear. And due to the fact that the development of not only the visual, but any vector is possible only before the end of puberty, the time for maneuver is limited to 12-15 years, after which the undeveloped vector manifests itself as unreasonable tantrums, scandals, clarification of relationships, various fears, phobias, panic attacks, total and thoughtless superstition and other pathological "fantasies". The extreme (and irreversible) degree of a negative state is a vector neurosis, it looks like complete callousness, callousness and indifference to any person, animal or plant.
Comic and seemingly harmless domestic scarecrows by Babai, Yaga, an evil uncle or the expression "I'll eat you", scaring from around a corner, especially a dark one, stories in the style of Chukovsky or the Grimm brothers, scary tales with eating, cartoons with murder and blood reinforce in the minds of the kid receiving pleasure from fear. It's simple: I got scared, tickled my nerves, shook my emotions - I liked it. It is harder to develop, it is easier to follow the path of least resistance - from horror stories to horror stories. So then all his life he plays emo, is ready, loves horror films, believes in mysticism and rocks himself with superstitions, omens, goes to fortune-tellers, paths to shift the responsibility for his life onto them, and then laziness of the mind develops, it becomes too lazy to learn, it is easier to believe in talismans, damage and fortune-telling.
Children's emotions are the bricks from which the whole life scenario of a little person is built, and it depends only on the parents in which direction the baby's development will go - backward, into fear, or forward, into love and compassion.
Understanding a child, seeing a personality in him, realizing the mechanisms of his thinking and directing his development forward - this means observing the amazing formation of a highly developed member of society who knows how and loves to live even more than his parents, who knows what happiness, love and self-sacrifice are, and who will be able to change this world for the better.
STRONGER THAN FEAR ONLY … LOVE!
A visual baby is a sea of love, joy, admiration, surprise, laughter, questions and stories. Plus tears, bitter tears, sobs, sobbing, twitching of the shoulders and sad sighs. Moreover, all of the above can be present at almost the same time. Either an emotional avalanche falls from a negative peak, or a bird of emotions flies up to a positive one.
For such a child, the emotional connection with his mother comes to the fore. There is a vector, there are emotions, they are looking for a way out, and if the baby cannot share them with his mother, he will find himself another object - a friend, sometimes a fictional one, a toy, a pet, and in the event of the death of a pet or the loss of a favorite toy, this will be a terrible blow to him the leading sensor, that is, by the eyes. Hence the decrease in vision, correction, glasses and other troubles.
Experiencing all his emotions with his mother, feeling a strong bond and mutual understanding, the baby realizes from deep childhood that it is precisely communication with a person, and not with toys, flowers or animals, that brings him the greatest pleasure. Of course, he plays with them and is still keenly interested in the world around him, but it is the person who comes out as a priority for him. It is the connection with the mother, who understands her visual baby and sees in him not a fearful crybaby, but a gentle emotional fountain with great potential, that becomes the key to learning compassion, going outside, into empathy for others, and, as a result, liberation from fears.
Books, plays, films and fairy tales for a child with a visual vector should be selected with special attention. Only sincere compassion, empathy for the kind and strong heroes of Andersen, Hugo, Korolenko push the innate fear out and give a powerful impetus to the development of vision into love. From “beloved myself” to “love the whole world”. A developed visual person is not afraid of absolutely anything, he has no fear. A striking example of such development is the legendary sisters of mercy, who, under heavy fire, dragged wounded soldiers from the battlefield on their shoulders during the Great Patriotic War. Love for people and the value of soldiers' lives for them was more than fear for themselves. Self-sacrifice for the sake of others, compassion and love - these are the values of a developed visual vector that you need to strive for.
A visual baby is born, already having the necessary properties in its arsenal, but whether they will be developed or remain at a low level depends solely on the nature of upbringing until puberty.
All our home scarecrows, scary cartoons and fairy tales look to us, adults, such innocent pranks that you shouldn't even pay special attention to. We do not notice how gradually, day after day, the child gets used to being afraid, closing in in fear, the development of his visual vector stops, and at the end of puberty we get 0% of the ability for compassion and 100% of the desire to be in the center of attention, to receive for ourselves. see only oneself, feel oneself.
One big "GIVE" and a tiny pleasure from receiving this instead of a big "GIVE" and unlimited, full and vivid pleasure from filling the visual vector all my life. Think about whether the quality of life of your child is worth some koloboks, red caps or kashchei?
