How a man feels when a woman ignores him
Why do women resort to ignoring as a way to spark interest in themselves? Manipulating the feelings of a loved one is despicable. Can a relationship built on such a foundation be truly warm and sincere?
Once I had a frank conversation with my ex-husband. Now I understand that if we could talk like that when we were married, most likely we would not have become exes (but that's another story). One of the topics raised in the conversation was the topic of ignoring. I ignored, and very harshly - I could not talk to him for weeks.
I wondered what a man feels when a woman ignores him, and why I did it to him.
Thanks to this conversation, this article was born.
Ignoring as a method of psychological influence
After interviewing friends and family, I found that everyone faced ignorance - either in relation to themselves or in relation to someone else. There are essentially two purposes: to spark interest or to punish. By the way, now it is fashionable to say not “ignore”, but “visit”. Ghosting means ignoring. What is this method and how effective is it?
Why do women do it
Why do women resort to ignoring as a way to spark interest in themselves? You can often hear something like:
- Now I have a situation where I'm not sure what my young man needs. We are together every day, but I feel like some kind of furniture. Here I am with him, that's all. Normal type. Where is the attention? Where is the loving gaze? Wanting to spend time together? I came, had dinner, sleep, woke up, went to work … That's it! I also think, maybe it will get a little colder? I don't want to play these games, but I have to …
When a woman deliberately chooses to ignore a man in order to spark his interest, she is simply not sure of him. And in myself too. Instead of building a relationship on love and trust, she builds it on fear.
Have you noticed how some mothers scare their children, saying, “Oh, disobeying? That's it, I'm leaving, stay here alone. And they pretend to leave. Some children get scared and run after their mother crying, but there are also those who are not afraid to be left alone …
Manipulating the feelings of a loved one is despicable. Can a relationship built on such a foundation be truly warm and sincere? Answer yourself honestly.
The tactic of ignoring is the same as gasoline for a burning fire - it flares up, but not for long, because there is nothing to burn - the firewood is almost burnt out.
We have to admit - yes, we do not know how to do otherwise, because no one taught us how to build relationships with a man. We act at random or after listening to "wise" advice.
We hear and even agree that everything in the family depends on the woman. This sounds great in theory, but in practice nothing sensible comes out. The intensity of passions gradually fades away, mutual reproaches appear, after them quarrels, and there it is not far to break. Then a new relationship with hope: maybe this time will be lucky?
A happy relationship is not a matter of luck, it is a matter of understanding. When you know everything about your man to the very hypothalamus, then even the thought does not arise - is it worth ignoring the man. Because when you feel the slightest movement of his soul, there is simply no need for manipulations and tricks.
When silence is worse than screaming
While some ignore in order to spark interest, others do it with the aim of punishing. This is my case too.
When we quarreled, and we did it often, I punished my husband with silence, complete ignorance. Any attempts to get through to me crashed against the wall of silence. If something in the relationship did not go the way I wanted, if I could not influence the situation, if I felt that I was losing control, harsh ignorance was used. I was offended, closed in myself and was silent, demonstrating complete indifference, but resentment and fear raged inside.
- It would be better if you shouted and beat the dishes, - he said, - your silence was just killing.
- I'm sorry, I just couldn't do it differently.
Why does someone throw tantrums, and someone deafens with silence? Why, instead of even the most offensive conversation, does a person choose to ignore?
The Cold War of Childhood, or Where Does the Desire to Ignore Come From
What was the worst punishment for you as a child? The majority of those surveyed said parental boycott was the harshest punishment for them.
I grew up as a normal child: I studied well, tried to help, however, I was quite energetic - I always wanted to run, climb somewhere, jump. They practically did not beat me, because my mother thought that it was not pedagogical to beat and raise her voice at children. But they brought me up more subtly - they simply ignored them, expressing in this way their dissatisfaction with my behavior.
As a child, I often did not even understand what I was punished for. They didn't even want to listen to any excuses, and no one was going to explain exactly what you were guilty of.
- March to the corner, stupid. Stop and think about your behavior.
Usually you stand in the corner until nightfall and painfully ponder why to ask for forgiveness. It was better to stand a little longer, because it is not a fact that you will be forgiven the first time. I hated this moment, because when, having plucked up the spirit, I walked, I came across an icy indifference, a contemptuous look. You don't have to stand in the corner anymore, but they won't talk to you for several days.
This is wrong, I think everyone is worthy of an explanation.
What happens to a child who is ignored?
It feels like an empty place. He is looking for the reason for such an attitude towards himself, thinking: "I guess I'm so bad that I don't even deserve attention."
Gradually, there is a feeling that no one needs him, like an abandoned toy forgotten by everyone. He feels off the family list.
Feelings of guilt become a constant companion. Later, anger can join this - the child will become angry. Or resentment - he will withdraw into himself and begin to be silent in response. Or it will be demonstrative behavior to bring the ignorant to emotions, forcing him to react somehow. The features of the response depend on the structure of the child's psyche.
Ignoring is a pretty cruel way to make a child obedient and reliable.
Nobody deserves that kind of treatment.
Ignoring is a ban on feelings
Parents who use neglect as a parenting method usually act like a template: they do not give the child the opportunity to explain their actions.
This behavior seems to translate: “You are not worthy to be listened to. You are not worthy of my answer. Your feelings and thoughts are not important."
The presence of such a method of upbringing suggests that there is no emotional connection between parents and a child, that is, there is no warmth of communication, spiritual closeness. This is very important for the normal development of the child - to be able to come to mom or dad with any problem, with any trouble, with any pain. Come and know that they will listen to you, understand and not say in response: "It is my own fault."
A child is not a soulless toy, he experiences feelings and emotions in the same way. When he is not allowed to express them, they are suppressed. In the future, such a child simply will not know what to do with emotions and feelings. He will be afraid to manifest them, that is, he will suppress. He will be afraid to face other people's emotions and avoid conflicts, afraid not to cope with his own.
My parents' parents went through the Great Patriotic War, can they be judged for not giving warmth and affection to their children - my parents? When you realize that their childhood was also not cloudless, that they also got it from their parents, and those from theirs, you understand: this is a vicious circle.
One person can give to another only what he himself has. When there is love, spiritual warmth and tenderness inside - we give them away. And when inside the resentment, feeling "disliked", "not given"? Do you understand?
The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan opens your eyes and gives you the opportunity to become the link in the chain that will break this vicious circle. It helps to stop blaming parents, because, realizing how the psyche works, you begin to understand: they did not have the intention to knowingly hurt their child. They were brought up as best they could, because no one taught them this either. Getting rid of resentments is incredible relief.
Why ignoring it hurts
All our joys and sorrows are only from interaction with other people. Every person needs to feel that he is needed. It is important to feel that you are loved, understood, appreciated. Do not try to remake by manipulating the senses. Accept for who you are. Forgive weaknesses. You don't need to be perfect. Then both the big man and the little man feel happy.
Any conflict involves an honest conversation, which is scary. Frank conversations are frightening in their unpredictability and the need to say not very pleasant things. We are afraid of the partner's reaction, because we do not know how the person will react: tears, anger, anger or indifference. It is scary to face other people's feelings, because then you have to show yours. Ignoring becomes a way to avoid it.
Melt the ice in my soul
Unfortunately, the lessons of childhood do not always go unnoticed: growing up, a woman unconsciously transfers this model of behavior into her adult life. In a relationship with a partner, with parents, with children, because she cannot do otherwise, she forgets about how she hurt herself in childhood.
Ignoring a woman punishes her man when he does something not the way she wants, just like parents in childhood. This is how the psyche works.
There are no winners in the war of indifference - indifference kills any person. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, and on which side of the barricade you are, it always hurts.
When a woman ignores a man, he feels a wall that fenced off his beloved woman from him. Ignoring without words tells a man: you are not important. This is how he feels when a woman ignores him.
Being aware of your childhood traumas means getting rid of their influence on your life. And then - open up, trust your man and create such a deep emotional connection with him that no manipulation will be needed.
When I look back at my previous relationship, I realize how childish and immature my behavior was. I was able to comprehend this life scenario at the training of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology". Listen to yourself. If there is something in your life that you would like to change, take this knowledge.
