Aerophobia - there is no way out ?
Aerophobia can be a manifestation of an independent fear (phobia), or it can be a component of another fear, for example, fear of enclosed space or fear of heights.
Realization of my fears at the training "System-vector psychology" has changed a lot in my life. But more on that later …
We will regret only two things …
That we loved little and traveled little.
Mark Twain
We are sitting in the kitchen, and she shares her impressions of a recent trip. Sipping delicious evening tea with raspberry jam, my sister colorfully describes the trip to the paradise island. The one from the ad for a chocolate bar, where a palm tree hangs over the water. The sea is so warm, almost hot, like puddles after rain on the hot asphalt of July.
She is again in love with the new country and its people, says that they are so open and speak not in words, but in voice and intonation … Carefree sky and playful sea - what else can you dream of, she asks?
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“Anything but that,” I think to myself. I didn’t say it aloud, but inside again it was unpleasantly sucked in my stomach from an inexplicable sense of loss. Sister knows, I have never heard the sound of the sea, and I have not seen how the peaks of the mountains are hidden under the white cap of clouds. I have not been to other countries and other continents, in my geographical arsenal there are only two cities: the one in which I received my education, and the one in which I live now.
I always listened with pleasure to people returning from vacation. These stories paint whole pictures in my imagination: how majestic mountains, like giant guardians, tirelessly guard our land from ill-wishers; like the endless blue sea, embraced by the sun, plays with dolphins and ships.
The sea … I dream about it. Most often, it seems to me to be peacefully resting, it smells of joy and silence. I sit on the beach, and the waves roll over my feet, and I close my eyes with pleasure.
I open my eyes and see the same landscape outside the window - the dull grayness of March. Even in spring in our latitudes it is winter. It lasts endlessly, and the summer is as fleeting as the long-awaited one.
His Majesty Fear
Every year, on the eve of holidays and vacations, my husband and I had the same conversation. Throughout our family life, he tried to persuade me to go to rest in warm lands. And the conversations always ended in the same way: we spent holidays with our parents in the village. I was terrified of flying on an airplane - and for a long journey it was necessary.
I found a lot of reasons not to fly. At first there were small children, then the financial issue, then there was a job change … and each time I found weighty arguments. How to stop being afraid to fly on an airplane - I did not know.
Fear, wild, unbridled, took root in me like a parasite. My every move was conditioned by him. He guided my thoughts and desires so skillfully that I lived side by side with him for many years, not noticing his tenacious hands.
In general, natural fear can manifest itself in any form. In my case: I was catastrophically, before seizures, I was afraid to fly on an airplane.
Aerophobia can be a manifestation of an independent fear (phobia), or it can be a component of another fear, for example, the fear of enclosed space or the fear of heights.
Realization of my fears at the training "System-Vector Psychology" has changed a lot in my life. But more on that later …
So, the time for buying tickets is approaching. My husband did persuade me to go. But I still could not gather my strength and absorb even the thought of a trip into the space of my life. And the time is coming … And I can feel his hot breath.
When my husband started booking tickets, my body turned into one continuous lump of horror and pain. The body screamed! It shriveled with unbearable pain … “Noooooooooo! Not that! Not now! Later. I need to think . The thought that I would have to choose these tickets now threw me from side to side, literally sick. I physically felt that I simply could not do it. Thoughts rushed through my head with such speed that I could not see anything around. I could not hear anyone, I locked myself in the bathroom, completely losing the ability to think. I just left the reality of myself, I became a small black dot in a huge red-hot ball. It seemed to me that I was ready to soar above the ground and fly into small pieces from this horror.
My husband did not expect such a reaction. And I myself did not expect. I could not even imagine how deep and strong everything was, I did not think that the flight would be so irresistible for me …
The surge of emotions was so strong that there could be no question of buying tickets: my husband left for work. And I got a break …
Airport. Taking off to nowhere
Several days passed, and upon returning from his work watch, the husband again spoke about tickets - time was running out. This time we went to the airport to resolve the issue right on the spot: talk to the operator, get some advice, or maybe just look at how happy people hug each other, meeting in the airport building. We wanted to find a solution to how not to be afraid to fly an airplane.
When we were at the checkout, I was seized by the same desire again - to run away, to hide as soon as possible. "Not now!" - pounded in my head. I begged my husband to move away from the cashier, talk a little more, discuss. I shouted that I could not choose now, I still need to think. My husband was able to discern in this not just a hysteria, he felt that this is one of the most terrible moments in my life.
He took me by the hand and led me upstairs, just to where the huge windows open up space for thoughts and feelings. I watched the planes take off, say goodbye to the ground and meet the sky. How they quickly rise, as if in a hurry to meet a long-awaited friend.
I looked out the window and realized that I could not help myself. It is not in my power.
Fear is stronger than me. Yes, here it is, I know its taste and distinguish its shades … I feel it with every cell of my body and soul. I start talking, talking, talking. A stream of words, thoughts, sobs poured out of me. I started talking about how tired I was of this endless fear, of being deprived of opportunities in life. How immensely tired I am that the whole family is forced to deny themselves the pleasures of discovery. I am so tired of this inexplicable horror that grips me at any thought that I need to fly somewhere!
I cry, my body shuddering with pain and guilt. The understanding that here it is, here, this fear, I feel it and do not find the opportunity to break it through. He was so firmly in position that, even realizing him, I could not do anything with him. I just couldn't. It was akin to insanity. Tears all flowed and flowed, words all flowed and flowed in a stream from my heart.
Through sobs I explain to my husband: “You understand, I just can't imagine how it is. We'll board the plane, fasten our seat belts, and fly. And there are these small doors, and the inscription: "There is no way out." No exit. You understand? This is exactly what I felt when I was little."
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I was imperceptibly transported into memories. Only after finishing the monologue, I woke up. At the peak of the emotional shock, experienced in the same tone as then many, many years ago, when I was just a child, I experienced it again. I realized it again. I felt it again here, looking at these planes and imagining this "no way out" sign.
She exactly reflected the feelings of a little girl, locked in the space of a dark room by an alcoholic. This alcoholic was the father of a friend of mine. We were friends in childhood and all the time ran to visit each other. And sometimes they stumbled upon him! So it happened that time. He was very drunk, burst into the house and began to growl like a bear, and we screeched from corner to corner. The windows are sealed. And in the doorway his heavy figure is like a lump that cannot be bypassed. And that's all. No exit! Where to run? He screams, hoots and scares us, has fun.
We manage to escape from the captivity of his drunken jokes. I run home without feeling my legs or touching the ground. I'm running from death itself. There is nothing inside, except for a small dot enclosed inside a hot ball. I am all concentrated in her. Running into the house, I finally stop and … exhale. Then I inhale slowly. All the way from my friend's house to mine, I didn't seem to breathe. No exit. No exit…
And the door will open slightly …
When I said all this to my husband, it began to dawn on me exactly what I had told. It never occurred to me that this is how it works. The fear I experienced as a child took root and turned into a fear of enclosed space. The mere thought of the flight and stuffy confinement caused horror. It was this pain that did not allow me to safely board the plane and take off into the sky. I couldn't, because I couldn't see the way out.
As soon as the tirade at the airport ended, I was ready to collapse to the ground from powerlessness. Something has changed in me. It was like I was freed from a heavy burden. I felt it immediately - emptiness inside. Emptiness is not as loss, but as freedom.
My husband hugged me quietly and said: “Honey, it's okay. We'll go by train. We will just be at sea for a very short time."
It is a dubious pleasure to travel for several days in a stuffy carriage filled with the aroma of fried chicken and boiled eggs. Especially with children. I was very clearly aware of this.
My husband treated me with such tenderness that I felt: he really understood - this is not a whim, hysteria or something else. He felt my pain so much that he was ready to give up comfort for me … His support turned out to be a decisive factor: I became stronger, because now I am not alone …
All the way home I cried without stopping.
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We never needed train tickets. The next day, I woke up with a desire as clear as a June morning to buy plane tickets. With a transfer. On your own. Without any persuasion. I felt calm and warm. I felt that I could do it: "I want to do it!"
Having seen the root cause of my fear, its true face, I discovered that it was not the plane that scared me and not the flight, but the very uncle from my childhood memories. It is he who has been living in me for many years now and with his screams does not let me hear the voice of his soul. As an adult woman, a mother of two children, in critical situations, like in childhood, I rushed along the dusty road from one house to another, feeling nothing but fear. Until I got to the training …
A few days after Yuri Burlan's lectures, my story happened at the airport … My release.
Pictures of falling planes have ceased obsessively spinning before my eyes. There is no nausea, horror and pain. There is a deep understanding of what it was and how it works. It seemed to me that I was born again.
And then I, spreading my wings, Rushed towards the wind, I am no longer afraid to
be with you in the sky.
We fly together towards dawn, And a miracle awaits us -
To see the sun rise
Over the sea. I will be soon…
… I open my eyes and see the endless distance of the blue sea in front of me. My heart is overflowing with peace and love. My husband is next to me and hugs me by the shoulders. We sit on the sand and watch the sun gently touch the horizon. There are many people around, but I do not hear anyone, in my heart there is a melody that my husband sings.
The water kisses our feet, and we laugh and feel the carefreeness of hot bliss. I close my eyes happily - I feel calm and well, I am safe and loving under the protection of the conversation of our souls …
Our reverent relationship with my husband and the victory over fear are all the result of the training.
And there are thousands of such results …
This article is dedicated to my sister …
With great gratitude to Yuri Burlan.
