Mommy's kids. By the handle with my son
From the first days of the baby's life, they vigilantly vigilance so that they do not fall, do not bump, do not choke, do not freeze, do not get hungry, do not get lost, do not get in touch with a bad company, do not enter an unpromising university, do not marry this impostor … Well, what kind of mother unpleasant to take care of your child? Already the heart rejoices!
Mom knows better!
Modern mothers … the smartest, most caring and loving, well-read and literate. They always know what is necessary, useful and good for children, and what is unnecessary, harmful or bad.
From the first days of the baby's life, they vigilantly watch so that they do not fall, do not bump, do not choke, do not freeze, do not get hungry, do not get lost, do not get in touch with a bad company, do not enter an unpromising university, do not marry this impostor …
They put all their strength into caring for their child, embodying all their feelings in motherly love.
Sometimes they even give their whole life to him!
And he?!
How so?..
Why are the most promising children in the most prosperous and intelligent families more likely to end up in a criminal environment?
For what reason, the most obedient child at one point seems to break loose and does everything in defiance of his parents?
At what stage of well-planned and methodological education does the program fail?
How to avoid the irreparable?
A child is born. What do we know about him? Height, weight, who he looks like, what he loves. Do we know what he wants? Well, in the first year or two, it's understandable. "A-ah!" - eat. "A-ah!" - to Mom. “Ah! »- change the diaper. We manage to get used to doing everything FOR him and successfully explain such behavior even to ourselves: “Well, I’ll do better,” or “I know how he loves,” or “This is faster, more convenient, more reliable …”
Yes, we ourselves are pleased. What kind of mother is unpleasant to take care of her child? Already the heart rejoices!
During pleasant maternal troubles, we are not always able to notice that our baby has grown up a long time ago, and care is gradually turning into overprotectiveness, which prevents him from growing up.
From chrysalis to butterfly
Even being already experienced parents and raising not the first baby, we are not immune from mistakes. What happened with the first will almost certainly not work with the second, and it certainly won't work for the third. Children in the same family from the same parents are born completely different. Their innate psychological qualities (vectors) are not inherited, like eye color or nose shape, and cannot be changed under the influence of upbringing.
Each child is born with a given set of properties (vector set), but it depends only on his upbringing until the end of puberty whether these properties can develop or remain in an undeveloped state.
Any healthy child can learn to speak, but whether he does it or not depends only on his environment.
So it is with psychological qualities. For example, a baby with a skin vector has an innate need for savings. But this property can remain at the level of collecting and storing any trash, or it can develop into a way to save resources (human, money, time) and express itself in rational engineering inventions that can increase production productivity and reduce costs.
Any properties of a child can develop to the maximum only with close interaction with the outside world, growing up in a social environment, in a peer group, where he begins to play a given natural program, learning to fulfill his specific role and adapt the landscape.
Parental overprotection gives nothing but a feeling of satisfaction from the mother.
An isolated child in the "greenhouse" environment of caring relatives, protected from any pressure of the landscape, is completely deprived of any chance to learn to adapt, that is, to learn how to maximally adjust his innate qualities to the requirements of modern society.
Why is it important?
Because only with the full realization of the needs of each vector in adult life in society, a person can truly enjoy it and feel happy.
The implementation of properties at a primitive level now does not provide such content as 50 thousand years ago. The temperament is not the same. Modern man is born with a much greater potential than his distant ancestors, and this potential requires appropriate implementation. Any person on a subconscious level feels his "can", his capabilities, the strength of desire in each vector grows with each new generation, and in the absence or insufficient implementation, psychological deficiencies grow, an imbalance in the biochemistry of the brain arises, which pushes a person to satisfy these needs by anyone, even in a marginal or criminal way.
The desire of the owner of the skin vector for property and social superiority in the developed state of the vector is realized by climbing the career ladder, doing business, building ingenious engineering structures. The same desire, if the vector is underdeveloped, can manifest itself at the level of petty theft, theft and even lead to alcoholism.
I gave myself to children!
Plunging headlong into raising children, we sometimes do not notice how our goal gradually becomes a means. A means of realizing one's own needs - in emotional connections, in mentoring, prohibitions and restrictions, etc.
The suffocating embrace of overwhelming concern begins to resemble rather fetters that do not allow the child to move freely towards life.
For example, the unrealized desire of the skin-visual mother for emotional swings and their public manifestation is embodied in the fact that she closes all the thoughts and feelings of the anal-visual child on herself, forming in him a stable dependence on her praise. Initially indecisive and sluggish, the baby does not acquire the ability to make decisions on his own, getting used to the fact that his mother decides everything for him.
This is how the “good boy complex” develops, forming a negative life scenario.
The need for a father with an anal vector to recognize his authority as head of the family can result in domestic tyranny, where any disagreement with his opinion is abruptly suppressed, and the slightest protest is perceived as disrespect for elders and becomes a reason for physical punishment.
Such upbringing is especially destructive for a child with an urethral vector, who initially feels his highest rank and is simply unable to perceive someone else's authority other than his own. Any rules or restrictions are swept aside, he lives by his own laws, having an innate sense of mercy and justice. Such a father's “custody for his own good” causes violent protest and aggression, creates a feeling of hostility from the outside world and leads to the fact that the teenager runs away from home in search of his homeless flock, for which he becomes an indisputable leader.
Savage Kindergarteners
Of particular importance for the development of all properties of vectors is education in a children's collective (kindergarten, school, yard, children's camp, etc.).
Starting from the age of three, children try to fulfill their natural species roles, but this becomes possible only among their peers who are trying to do the same. There is literally a rehearsal of adult life, an attempt to find one's place in society, adaptation of the landscape with the help of individual innate qualities, skills of solving life problems in a playful way are acquired.
“He is still small”, “she is too vulnerable and sensitive”, “he is often sick and requires a special regimen and diet” are our frequent excuses not to let the child into kindergarten or the yard.
Fearing for the child, considering him not yet ready for such changes, pitying and succumbing to the child's unwillingness to attend kindergarten in the first days, we sometimes leave him at home, in a familiar environment that is easy to adapt. This is exactly the case when a small manipulator will gladly take advantage of your overprotection, especially if he is a representative of the anal vector.
What happens then?
No landscape pressure - no development. The absence of problems does not push you to find a solution for them. There is no reason to look for a way out of the situation - there is no opportunity to use your qualities in a new way, there is no obstacle - there is no tension of properties, which means there is no development. After the end of puberty, development already stops, the implementation of existing properties begins at the level that was achieved by that time.
By relieving, as we think, of the child from psychological stress due to the forced adaptation in the children's team, we deprive him of the opportunity in the future to easily adapt in society, acquire communication skills with representatives of different vectors, including those opposed to him, and feel comfortable in any team.
It is scary and difficult for any mother to leave a child crying and calling for its mother in kindergarten, sometimes it is difficult not to put lunch in a schoolbag for a tenth grader or call all friends, hospitals and morgues when he is an hour late from school. But what if he lies in bed with an unhappy look, says that everything hurts, at school he is beaten by hooligans, and he can study at home? Overprotection has nothing to do with real motherly love or fatherly care, but is no less harm than a complete lack of upbringing in the family.
Overprotection causes a stop in the development of any qualities and gives a flawed, dependent personality, unable to adapt in society and realize himself at the proper level.
Being a mom and dad is hard work that we have been doing for years, sometimes it’s a struggle with ourselves, and sometimes tears of happiness from the fact that here he is, my child is an Olympic champion, an actress of the Bolshoi Theater, a Nobel laureate, president of the country or the happiest person in the world.
