High and without high: how I was a drug addict
Even in the recent past, I was sure that reality is a refuge for those who are afraid of drugs, but now I think differently …
Reality is a refuge for those who are afraid of drugs.
Lily Tomlin.
Even in the recent past, I was sure that reality is a refuge for those who are afraid of drugs, but now I think differently. I think that drugs are a refuge for those who are afraid of reality, who do not understand it, who experience the global emptiness of their inner Self. I was also one of those who experienced this global emptiness of my Self. I filled it with drugs every day - in the morning, afternoon and evening, with the systematic frequency of an ordinary standard addict. And this inevitability would last forever, until …
But stop !!! I'll start everything in order. And may the one to whom these lines are addressed to hear me. For now I am free and I want to tell you about how I found this freedom. I thought she was somewhere far away, but she was near. She was in me !!!
I
I was what drug therapists call drug addicts. In the full sense of the word, with all the ensuing consequences. Just do not think that I was a simple stupid drug addict without a future, of which there are now a large number. I had everything a young man needs to live. Rather, the "everything" that most people associate with happiness: an apartment, a car, a girlfriend, a good job, friends and much more. I even had future career growth. Despite the outward well-being, I became a drug addict. I had EVERYTHING except happiness. And I could not understand in any way what else I needed in this short life.
The constant passion for various esoterics, religions and psychologies did not bring the proper happiness, but only for some time removed my global endogenous depression, which introduced me to the method of escaping reality - drugs. It was in them that I found the only temporary outlet from the discomfort of my inner world. I will never forget the moment when I first tasted morphine. Even from the fear of the needle all my veins disappeared, but the professionalism of my drug addict companion, curiosity and a state of deep alienation did their job. It was cool!!! I even almost fainted from the volume of endomorphins that filled my depressed brain. To fully understand what I have experienced, take your best orgasm in life, multiply it a hundred thousand times and you still will not feel that high,which I experienced when I pricked for the first time. That's when the drug addict was born inside me.
From that moment on, my life began to acquire a different - dual - character. He appeared - a drug addict inside me, who emerged from nowhere and disappeared into nowhere.
IS HE
It appeared suddenly, at the moment when the first milligram of morphine entered my brain. The first thing he said was: “Welcome to heaven! Forget about pain, emptiness and suffering. Be happy . And you know what? I believed him at first. At that moment it was worth thinking about how to understand that I was a drug addict, because it was this incomparable pleasure and the disappearance of inner emptiness that instantly made me dependent on him.
Drugs temporarily filled my mental hole, and then I felt the imaginary effect of inner freedom, but that was not for long. The time came when my addict got really strong. He no longer needed morphine, heroin, "screw", "jeff". It was enough for him cheap surrogate opiates ("black", "bubki"). The apartment where my addict lived was soaked through and through with the stench of constant cooking - solvent and vinegar. Good work with your girlfriend has sunk into oblivion. Best friends no longer borrowed money or stopped by. The car was sold for next to nothing. Only the stripped walls of my soul and They remained.
THEY
They are the ones who stay with the addicts after they get on the system. It is a community of fellow drug-lost souls who cling to each other to keep their inner addicts alive. Whoever was not on the system was not a drug addict. For the life of any drug addict is divided into two stages - this is life before the system and life on the system. It is when you get on the system that you fully become familiar with your inner junkie. You truly understand what physical and mental pain is in all senses and manifestations. When the drug is not required to satisfy, but to maintain life. It is fully integrated into the metabolism of your mental and physical world. That's when you just start to realize that it's time to quit drugs.
But it was not there. If you alone can break, they will never allow you to get out of the vicious circle of drug addiction. They, like shadows of your psychic, will always haunt you. Even when you leave for many years from the place where They arose during your drug addiction system.
Upon arrival, they will always appear and everything starts anew. Search for a "flade" for cooking, then use, then sale. At the same time, you constantly need to be on the watch, so as not to get caught by the "rubbish" in the eye and in the field of vision, otherwise the time is shining. With all this, if you start hanging around with them, in a couple of months the dose rises from a cube to 10-15 cubic meters per day. And that's not very good either. Then you have to drive at least 5 cubes through the veins every 7-8 hours. Veins disappear, you start to open your groin. It begins to seem that there is no blood in the body, and there is only "high". If you also sell it, then you must begin to "badyazhit" it or even sell a wash or sweetened tea (it matches the color). If tied to "white" (heroin), then turn the burnt sugar into heroin for more weight. True, then there may be problems with people like youbut you don’t think about it. In the best case, they will take away the high, and in the worst case, they will give pi … They do not burst on "garbage" - they are the same as you.
And only the divine power of conduct and chance can help to get out of this vicious circle of narcotic Samsara. This force of chance, for some, for me still unknown laws and reasons, pushed and introduced me to Her and, moreover, made me free from addiction precisely because of Her. Changed my outlook and helped me better understand the black hole iceberg of my personality.
SHE
She is the System-Vector Psychology, which truly worked a miracle, filling the black hole of my soul with the meaning of existence in this incomprehensible and cruel world.
The fact is that everything that I described above happened to me much earlier. In recent years, I have not used drugs the way I used them before. But thoughts about this were always present in my head. Sooner or later, I would have broken back and got on the system again, but, apparently, this will not happen, because after completing the training something has changed in me. I realized my problem completely and to the end, or rather, the true root of the problem itself, which is in me. This root was in my frantic sound vector, the lack of fullness of which plunged me into depression all the time.
To tell the truth, I could not catch up in any way how I could understand and realize my problems. It would seem that you can understand just listening to some kind of training in some kind of psychology ?! But it was not there. After the sound vector lecture began, I fell into a state of shock and numbness. Yuri Burlan on the other side of the monitor was talking about me, about all my states. In some mysterious way for me, he turned my whole soul inside out. On that day, I realized what a sound vector is and what states it can fall into in case of poor development or non-realization. After three hours of lecture, I began to realize the causes of my conditions. Flash after flash before my eyes flashed my childhood.
My parents fought with each other all their lives. They had a kind of norm for their life. But for me, their scandals were not the norm at all, they traumatized me since childhood. As I remember myself, I always tried to escape from the constant screams of parents shouting at each other and sometimes at me. Do not think that my parents are some kind of sadists. No, they never even beat me, they just shouted sometimes and that's it. But they conflicted with each other harshly and loudly, which for me was a living hell. For me, the sound engineer, it was not just destructive, I closed myself and went into myself, moved away from this world as much as possible, just so as not to hear this horror. I could have become a musician if it hadn't been for that, but that was - and I went into drugs.
Even before the trainings, I was worried about one question. Why did my friends Kolya and Zhenya not become drug addicts, but became good family men, while I, unlike them, became a “drug”. After all, we began to try drugs on equal terms. And the likelihood of them becoming drug addicts was the same as mine. But they did not like this business, and they refused to use drugs, unlike me. It turns out that the whole unsolvable mystery lay in their innate vectors. They just were different. Only in sound can you feel this black emptiness that you want to drown out so much - no matter how, even if you kill yourself with another dose.
But how did I lose the desire to use drugs, or rather, thoughts about using them, you ask me. And I will answer you. I understood all the reasons for my internal failures. I realized myself in a different way. I got to the roots of my beast and got to know him. I ended up talking to my god. And let it be said high and pathetic, but it is so. It was the awareness of myself that made me happy. I have long wanted to ask some psychologist about the truth of life, but there were no such psychologists - until recently. Systemic vector psychology revealed to me who I am in this world and what I must do in order to be happy. She really shook up the neural connections in my brain - I was finally starting to think. I finally started living. I'm finally free.
In conclusion, I want to say that I wrote these lines precisely for those who want, but cannot yet get rid of their craving for drugs. I don't think that without medication you can get rid of this addiction, but if medication has a temporary effect, then self-awareness has a permanent effect - you just STOP WANTING DRUGS. You have other pleasures in life, pleasures from self-realization.
Taking training means getting a chance to live your life despite and even in spite of past experience. Every result from a person who was once a drug addict and got out of this hell is priceless. Each result is a saved life.
Read all the reviews of people who quit drugs at the link:
www.yburlan.ru/results/all/narkotiki
In fact, there are many more such results, but not everyone dares to say, let alone write about them publicly. This is not a topic that is customary to talk about … And nevertheless, from time to time, from group to group, from training to training, people come to the portal of Yuri Burlan "System-Vector Psychology" in the most severe states of disorientation and loss of the sense of life and return to themselves, forever forgetting about drugs.
Why are we not afraid to say forever? Because we know the true causes of drug addiction. We know that this is not weakness and licentiousness, not a hereditary predisposition and not a character trait. We know that no prohibitions and exhortations, pills and therapy can irrevocably remove a person from drugs if he does not want to. We know that drugs are the last resort on the last line of suffering, when this thing seems to be most effective.
Yuri Burlan at the training "System-vector psychology" opens the psyche and brings to the surface the only desire that pushes a person into the abyss of drug addiction. The only huge shortage from which a person runs into drugs is the lack of SENSE. When everyone around you needs something, but you feel that you don't need anything. When no external stimuli can induce you to perform an action, because it is worthless in your sensation.
A complete impasse in the sensation of why drag your body along the ground at all. Complete and irrevocable emptiness of being, when addict frenzy seems to be a way to disconnect oneself from this worthless world, a way not to feel its deafening emptiness.
System-vector psychology shows: you are not alone. Such as you, 5% of the world's population. And they all experience the same sensations. They just choose a different path.
System-vector psychology offers another way.
…
Whatever is behind, while we are alive, there is still a chance to find out how it works. There is a chance to get everything for real life, without deceitful intermediaries and cheap surrogates. Registration for the free trainings by Yuri Burlan "System-Vector Psychology" (SVP YB) is a small step towards big discoveries of oneself. Make it now.
