Secrets of parenting in the light of eliminating psychological illiteracy
What to suffer? Somehow it will work out by itself. As I was brought up, so I will bring up my children, I myself grew up as a man (rarely does anyone think badly of himself). We gave birth, and the professionals - teachers, educators - let them educate, by the way, they are paid money for this …
It is known that raising a child is not as easy as it seems at first glance, one has only to face this task in practice. However, most parents think, “Why bother? Going to child psychology courses is a great way to empty your wallet and that's all, because no one better than their parents feels with their instinct what their own blood needs for happiness and a full-blooded life. What to suffer? Somehow it will work out by itself. As I was brought up, so I will bring up my children, I myself grew up as a man (rarely does anyone think badly of himself). We gave birth, and the professionals - teachers, educators - let them educate, by the way, they are paid money for this."
So, consciously or spontaneously, the styles of raising children in a family are taking shape, that is, stable relations between parents and a child, where adults play an active role in introducing a small person to culture.
If teachers do not choose parenting programs in most cases, then parents have a wide range of methods to choose from. Psychologists say that there is no ideal parenting model, however, this is not true. With systemic knowledge, it is quite possible to approach the ideal style of upbringing, the essence of which is to find the right key to a particular child and create the best conditions for him for the development and realization of his natural properties. Consider the most popular approaches to raising children from the point of view of System-Vector Psychology.
I look at the child, like in a mirror
Three styles of upbringing can be conventionally distinguished: permissive, authoritarian, democratic. The choice of parents, how to raise their child, the choice of teachers, how to work with children, is largely determined by their inner qualities.
As a rule, adults fill the voids of their psychic at the expense of children. The better parents (psychologists, teachers) know about their own mental characteristics, which determine the meaning of their existence, the way of adaptation in society, the less they are able to compensate for their personal desires, to realize their dreams at the expense of the child. The baby has the opportunity to be himself and develop his properties, which can be radically different from their parents. In this sense - yes - happy children grow up with happy parents.
If the properties of the child coincide with those of the parent, then it is easier for the latter to understand his soul through himself. However, the current generation is fundamentally different from the previous ones - the conditions of the landscape have changed. Farther and farther from the apple tree. Modern children are born multi-vector, with a greater power of desire, with a greater temperament, so it becomes more and more difficult for parents and educators to understand them, to create favorable conditions for the full disclosure of their innate properties.
It is possible to do without a new approach in raising children, but at the same time it is desirable to have a spare child, a spare new generation, as you will have to raise a "pig in a poke", experiment on the child's psyche, and in the end risk your own future. Those who are not ready to subject their children to the torture of upbringing will have to get used to the idea of changing their own thinking and traditional ideas about the upbringing process.
That sweet word for freedom
Parents possessing a skin vector give complete freedom to the child in cognition of the world, justifying themselves with "successful Japanese methods of early child development". It is so convenient for them: you can calmly do business, a career, make money, make profitable acquaintances.
In addition, such parents think in categories of skin thinking through themselves: they know how to limit themselves, disciplined, reasonable, logical, the parents themselves are guided by the principle of benefit-benefit in actions, they easily find what to do, therefore, they believe that their child, having received complete freedom actions, will be able to rationally dispose of it.
Archetypal skin parents are also prone to connivance, they do not care about raising children - they would have to drink, take a walk, gain new sensations. The meaning of childbearing, as a rule, for undeveloped skin parents who seek to benefit in small ways, is to receive child benefits.
At the same time, the permissive style of upbringing is a sore spot of anal parents who endlessly love their baby and are ready to do anything for her. The motives for their choice are determined by the desire to give all the best to the children: "If I do not pamper the child, then who will pamper him, the main thing is to love the child, and the rest will follow."
The consequences of a permissive parenting style for children are different - it all depends on what natural properties a particular child possesses, so someone becomes a person, and someone remains outside of life.
So, the innate need for self-restraint is given to skin children, but is not developed. The basic level of the child's properties must be developed. For example, to educate him in conditions of strict adherence to the daily routine. When little skinners get unlimited freedom, they quickly adapt to this situation and strive to get the most out of it for themselves. They literally sit on their parents' necks, twist ropes out of them. Underdeveloped leather workers are distinguished by the lack of self-regulatory skills, they flicker in vain, are always late, violate discipline.
Anal and muscle children do not know what to do with freedom, it is difficult for them to start a new business themselves, to take the initiative. Muscular children enjoy the process of work, anal children enjoy the perfect completion of the case. They cannot fill their desires: when they are left to themselves, they do not learn anything, moreover, the anal child also takes offense at parents, educators, as he feels that they do not give him love, attention.
In the conditions of a permissive model of education, the urethral child is most comfortable. He is his own head, for him the prohibitions of adults, the accepted rules do not work - he is aimed at the future, at a breakthrough, at progress. Education on the street, in a team for him - an integral factor in the development of his innate abilities.
The authoritarian parenting style is inherent in parents with an anal vector. They do not like surprises, for them the authority of their elders is unshakable and traditional methods of upbringing are the basis of the foundations. Who said that the era of house building is over? It is necessary to educate the child while lying across the bench. Elders should be listened to. And the point.
Stress in the anal vector, accumulated children's grievances are poured into home sadism: screams, curses, assault. Stress in the skin vector of parents is manifested in the fact that they constantly tug at the child, rush, behave extremely restlessly, twitch over trifles. Anal parents insist that the child follow in their footsteps, go to music school like dad, graduate from the same university as his ancestors. Skin parents put pressure on the child to be friends with profitable people, go in for sports, be a leader, get a prestigious and well-paid profession.
The authoritarian style of upbringing is not suitable for the urethral baby; he will defend his independence, up to the point of completely ignoring the requests of his parents and running away from home. If this model is based on adequate prohibitions, transparent and fair punishments, then it is useful for skin children who need reasonable iron gloves. It is important not to use physical punishment for skin dealers, so as not to drive them into stress and not provoke them to steal, to develop masochistic manifestations. For the full development of the skin vector, reasonable freedom is needed.
Anal children, docile by nature, with the authoritarian parents obediently fulfill their will, while not learning to express their opinion, to be independent. These are eternal mama's little sons who must be driven by the hand until retirement. In addition, the resentment, aggression accumulated in response to the unfair attitude of the parents, subsequently pours out not on the beloved mother, who is perceived by the anal child as a saint, but on toys, animals, weaker people.
Visual children suffer from the rigidity of their parents, do not feel protected at home, warm, kind words are important to them, and to feel a close emotional connection with loved ones.
Sound children, by their very nature, are egocentrics, immersed in themselves, cannot fully develop their properties, when they are constantly pulled and dictated to them what and when to do or, what good, shout for not following the next instruction. They internally feel superior to others, more capable, smarter, and the arbitrary imposition of their position on them causes strong resistance and withdrawal into themselves.
The optimal style of upbringing children is democratic, if systemic knowledge about your own child is invested in its content. For example, you can negotiate with children in different ways: it is important to praise an anal child for the work done, to give him the opportunity to finish what he started to the end, no matter how much time it takes him; the skin baby, in addition to material incentives, needs to be offered an adequate system of prohibitions and restrictions, the urethral one - his support and admiration.
Pay attention to the "golden rule" of the democratic style of parenting: if you promise something - follow through.
"You can't run here!"
The anal toddler obediently stops, and the skinny one runs further, slyly looking at mom.
"Oh, okay, run a little."
After such a situation, the anal child will be offended by the parents. He painfully perceives any injustice, when not equally, not honestly. Why is one allowed, and the other not allowed? Not fair. And the dermal one will conclude that he does not have to fulfill what he has promised himself, as well as parental prohibitions, because you can put pressure on adults, find a loophole, and then get out.
It should be noted that systemic knowledge helps to understand in which cases it is necessary to sound the alarm and take decisive measures, and in which everything will pass by itself. "Vices are eradicated by themselves, go away imperceptibly for a child, and their destruction is not accompanied by any painful phenomena," wrote the famous teacher Sukhomlinsky, "if they are replaced by a stormy growth of merits." For example, stealing from a small skinny, swearing from an oralist, fear of the dark in the eye are manifestations of the vector archetype, phenomena that take place with the proper development of innate properties.
So, the forms of upbringing children chosen by parents and teachers work effectively if we see not only the external parameters of the child, but also his inner essence, respectively, we create comfortable conditions for physical development (we buy clothes, food, shoes, toys in accordance with his age, weight), and for the development of innate qualities.