"Be stronger, don't show feelings!" or Where do delusions lead
We want happiness, we want to have fun in couples. But at the same time we are ashamed to show emotions and open up. We are ashamed to feel and from this we are unhappy, we do not receive full-fledged sexual pleasure, and sometimes we simply cannot build a relationship in principle. Where is the real barrier and how to overcome it?
A man considers himself a weakling if he shows love. A woman is afraid to show feelings - what if she uses and quits? Men are ashamed to be gentle and sensual, so they are deliberately calm, even rude. Women learn to be deliberately relaxed. And we all utter some vulgar phrases, devaluing high, subtle feelings. We keep our distance, not opening our hearts, afraid to take a step towards each other, disoriented by false attitudes. Moreover, women are taught to rip off a man as sticky, and men take a defensive position "I know them, she won't get anything from me!"
We want happiness, we want to have fun in couples. But at the same time we are ashamed to show emotions and open up. We are ashamed to feel and from this we are unhappy, we do not receive full-fledged sexual pleasure, and sometimes we simply cannot build a relationship in principle. Where is the real barrier and how to overcome it?
Bad experience can't build good
Nature takes its toll, and we are attracted to each other by the force of attraction. This is not love yet, although hormones are raging in the blood and happiness seems to be guaranteed. But very soon problems come. Pumped up with false attitudes, we are faced with the first tests. We enter into sexual relations without opening up to each other mentally. It's easier than starting to share your inner experiences. Still would! It seems dangerous. Often "friendly advice", painful experience of previous failures in relationships makes us cautious, we are afraid of getting burned, and often both, both a man and a woman.
But the pheromone storm passes quickly, and we are left alone with our fears, insecurity in relationships and loneliness.
If at first it seems that it is simply the wrong partner and you need to look further, then at the moment of the next repetition you involuntarily ask yourself - what is happening? Once upon a time the thought of family and love was in awe, but now only disappointment remains. Where did the former lightness and belief in happiness go? Is it really true that all men are co … and all women … you know. The bitterness of failure that has accumulated over the years has managed to make us heavy and sarcastic. Is this all that life has in store for us?
Natural shame - coherence of survival
The reasons for our inability to build dizzyingly happy relationships can be different. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals all of them, showing the structure of our psyche, the unconscious reasons for our feelings, thoughts, actions. One of the common, global reasons is the knocked down landmark of natural shame.
Human sexuality is taboo - a natural mechanism that guarantees the survival of the species. A man has a natural taboo on attraction that does not lead to (successful) reproduction - this is a ban on incestuous relationships, on relationships with children, adolescents and men. A woman has a taboo on sexual behavior that makes us a monogamous species. A woman chooses one, beckons one, because only in these conditions can a man be sure that the child she will give birth to will be from him. Otherwise, there will be a fratricidal war: a man is ready to fight for the transfer of his gene pool more than a beast. We are a monogamous species, and this is a guarantee of our survival and … our happiness.
How are these natural prohibitions regulated? Shame. For a man, this is a social shame, for a woman, a woman's bashfulness, and there is no greater suffering than this shame from breaking a taboo. Shame, the experience of which can force a person to lay hands on himself. It was not so long ago: they slandered a girl or got pregnant outside of marriage - she ran to drown herself from unbearable shame. Why? Because she will be condemned, breaking the taboo will throw her out of society. This shame is the unbearable pain of making life meaningless.
If you are a man and you break a taboo, you lose the “right to bite,” to a woman. In the eyes of society, you are an omitted, social zero. If you are a woman who is noticed for unacceptable behavior, you lose the opportunity to ever create a pairing relationship, since no man wants to marry a "fallen" woman. Thus, the life of both is completely meaningless. A woman cannot take place as a woman, give birth to a child, create a family. A man who has become social zero can never have a woman, no one wants him. This is not only the loss of the right to transfer the gene pool - it is the loss of motivation to live. For the sake of the crazy pleasure of orgasm, everything that men achieve happens to a woman, the desire for a woman drives all scientific and technological progress.
When it's a shame to love
But how is it, we see the opposite everywhere! The free behavior of women and the taboo attraction of men watching child pornography and not only … How can they not die of shame?
The fact of the matter is that we have massively, collectively, the landmark of shame has been lost - it is no longer where it should be. Many of us no longer experience shame where nature has foreseen it. Not ashamed. At the training in System-Vector Psychology, Yuri Burlan shows that shame is a constant value. An adult developed person must have it. This means that if there is no shame in its "natural" place, then it manifests itself differently, preventing us from living.
For example, we feel ashamed to love, show sincere feelings, tenderness, compassion, care, cry. And this revolution in our unconscious completely deprives us of the ability to build relationships.
Under the influence of false attitudes, love ceases to be a value for us, it becomes an empty sound. We think so consciously, but unconscious needs do not change, we still want to experience deep feelings, but we cannot, we do not achieve what we want.
Role of man and woman
If a woman is not able to show sincere feelings, if she is squeezed or deliberately relaxed, if she is waiting for the first steps from a man, then in such a situation the man is not able to open up either. After all, it is she who is responsible for the birth of mutual emotional involvement in the couple. Not belonging to him entirely, in soul and body, she cannot experience the cherished feeling of security and safety, which she herself needs to develop relationships, to form mutual trust, which is the basis of everything.
The man is under the blow of uncertainty in the woman. The more pronounced are the false attitudes accumulated over life, the consequences of the negative experience experienced. And he loses the ability to be giver, thereby blocking the possibility of developing relations.
Indeed, it is absolutely natural for a woman to expect alimony, material security and security from her man. Her choice is always double - based on the pheromones of the man's ranking and only secondarily - on the basis of attraction. This is natural, because she is responsible for the survival of the offspring. This is the psychology of the early woman, but it is still the basis for the behavior of any modern woman. Even if she has not yet thought (deliberately) to marry and have children from this oncoming stranger, this is exactly how her psyche is already "counting", signaling that she is sympathetic to him. A man, intoxicated by his attraction to a woman, may not think, he has another task, and a woman has no right to lose her head, she has the potential to raise offspring, therefore nature has created her more rational.
The woman's giving, her response to the man to his willingness to do everything for her - this is her love, sensual dissolution in a man, sensual compliance - to be an inspiration for him, to share his experiences as his own.
Manipulation that takes away happiness
When, at all sorts of pseudo-trainings, women are taught to create not sensual, but consumer relationships, to use men, to spin them for gifts, money, this is not just stupid - it is deadly for love. It is a guaranteed failure to create a relationship with a man. This is exactly the opposite of what is important for a woman to create a happy relationship.
When a man wants a woman, he wants to provide for her - this is natural. He is not forced into it, but is involved. When he hears a woman being taught to manipulate and exploit a man, he resists his natural nature. His desire to provide for a woman and a child is devalued by women's trainings, where marginalized women teach women to create manipulative relationships with a man. He is not ready to marry and pay child support to the woman who manipulates him. Men become defensive and losers too. Unwilling to give the woman the fruits of their achievements, they lose the incentive to achieve anything, they lose the ability to realize. But this is what makes you feel the beat of life, joy, fulfillment, your own strength.
They all lose. Men, women, their children. Using each other, without giving birth to spiritual closeness with each other, we cannot embody what is inherent in us by nature. Unrealized potential becomes frustration. Every day we grow and accumulate a huge dissatisfaction, heart, sexual, spiritual. We do not create emotional connections that are vital for us, we cannot be filled sexually, because we experience the brightest, truly filling intimate experiences only when we love each other with all our hearts. By not allowing ourselves to love, we rob ourselves. We don't live …
But we naturally have everything to be happy together …
Happy together
Revealing the psyche, the nature of human relations, sexuality, love at the training System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan, we are fully aware of the wealth that is given to us for mutual happiness. We are aware of the natural roles of men and women, how we perfectly complement each other, and we understand what we did wrong in the relationship - we just see what is better, more effective, and most importantly - more pleasant internally! - behave differently with your partner. We acquire true bashfulness. And this happens effortlessly - through awareness. Then the false shame goes away - not because we learn some kind of looseness, but because, thanks to awareness, it returns to its natural place. We stop making mistakes, regain the ability to love, deeply feel, and this gives us a tremendous potential for joy from relationships. This also transforms intimate experiences, makes them more intense and deeply satisfying for both man and woman. Read the feedback from people who have completed the training on how relationships are changing in a couple:
