I don't feel emotion. How to find joy in life
“I don't feel emotion” is a death-like experience. Of course, this situation is not normal. When there is a desire to experience feelings, it must be realized. And if it doesn't work out, you need to find out why I don't feel emotion. How to fill the emotional void and restore the previous brightness of life?
“I don't feel emotion” is a death-like experience. Perhaps life used to be full of colors, but for some reason they faded. There is no previous enthusiasm, no desires, no feelings. Or others say that you are emotionally closed, not responsive. You may want to establish connections with people, support loved ones, but it does not work - it is empty inside. Sometimes you just have to pretend that you are good so as not to lose those around you.
Of course, this situation is not normal. When there is a desire to experience feelings, it must be realized. And if it doesn't work out, you need to find out why I don't feel emotion.
How to fill the emotional void and restore the previous brightness of life? Psychoanalysis, given by Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", will help to deal with these issues.
For whom feelings are the meaning of life
The lack of feelings is not so critical for everyone. Only 5% of people feel alive only when they experience strong emotions. These are people with a visual vector in their psyche. They are very emotional by nature, because their purpose is to love, sympathize, be impressed, communicate. Others do it too, but much less emotionally and less dependent on the expression of feelings.
When this ability disappears (and the desire to love remains), people with a visual vector lose meaning, an uncomfortable state of anxiety and fear of loneliness, separation from people and life.
Why don't you feel anything:
- lack of skill to create emotional connections;
- a ban on feelings in the process of education is imposed;
- there was a loss of sensitivity after severe stress;
- feelings are suppressed due to depression, lack of meaning in life.
Real life stories written out on psychological forums will help us deal with these reasons.
Lacks the skill of expressing emotions
“I don't feel feelings and emotions. On the one hand, I somehow got used to it. On the other hand, I grieve my loved ones, and most importantly, my girlfriend. I cannot empathize with people. I have no desire to meet and chat. I spend more time alone, although this does not give me pleasure. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. I never saw my father, my mother was at work all the time. I grew up with my grandmother. It was not customary for us to show our feelings, and I am still surprised when relatives hug, talk about their love for each other. I want to learn to empathize so as not to be afraid of close relationships."
If this has always been the case, then the lack of feelings is due to the fact that the skill of their realization was not formed in childhood. Every visual child is born with great emotional potential, but if there were traumas in childhood or the parents did not pay attention to the development of the child's sensory sphere, he does not know how to use his abilities.
We see that our hero painfully endured the divorce of his parents: the break of emotional ties is very traumatic for a small spectator. It was not customary in the family to show love, to talk heart to heart. Feelings have not been developed. While desire is there, it is not provided by skill.
“I feel emotions only when I fantasize or watch movies alone, read books. I don't know how to communicate with people, they are not interesting to me. I have to pretend to establish contact with girls or children, but they feel fake and do not want to communicate with me."
Feelings should be directed primarily at other people. The skill to enjoy life is the ability to live among other people. Substitutes for live communication - books, films - will not help you experience the real joy of life. Why this is so, explains Yuri Burlan. Watch a snippet of the training:
Banning feelings from parents
There is a social stereotype that men don't cry. Therefore, the upbringing of boys often implies a prohibition on tears: “What are you nursing about? Be a man! But this approach is not applicable when it comes to a sensitive boy with a visual vector. He just needs to cry tears of sympathy over some sad story, otherwise his feelings will be locked up, and he will not be able to manifest his purpose in this life - to love, to empathize.
In the Russian mentality it is generally a shame to cry, therefore such a ban in our country may apply to girls as well: “Stop crying! Keep calm! Shame on you, you're strong! What will people say? And a girl with a visual vector turns out to be unable to love when she grows up.
Listen to how Yuri Burlan talks about why you can't hold back tears:
Insensitivity after stress
“Two years ago I went through a very stressful situation. Since then I have been walking like a stone - I can neither rejoice, nor be sad, nor even be afraid of anything. The sense of humor is gone. I used to be a creative person and my emotional sensitivity meant a lot to me. How to recover?"
“I used to be very cheerful and cheerful, but at the age of 18 my emotions completely turned off after a stressful period in my life. Without them, I'm just a vegetable. As if everything was numb inside. I have no love for people, even for my parents. I speak words, and behind them is emptiness. I would like, as before, to love, hate, speak from a pure heart”.
Stress can be different - violence, breaking up with an emotionally significant person, ridiculing first love. There are a lot of such stories when emotionally intolerable situations force people - consciously or unconsciously - to give up feelings. Consciously - when a person just restrains himself.
For example, there was a situation of tragic unrequited love and the “lesson” learned from it: “I will never fall in love again. It hurts too much. " Or unfulfilled feelings cause constant tantrums, tears. Life seems to be stressful. And then a decision is made: “I forbid myself to cry. I will never watch heavy films or read books that cause tears again."
Unfortunately, giving up feelings does not solve the problem. Over time, insensitivity develops - a person really seems to gain the emotional calmness for which he aspired. But the desire to use his rich emotional abilities has not gone anywhere. It will manifest itself in fears, panic attacks. At the bodily level, psychosomatics may appear. For example, a person does not feel anger, but physically he may experience palpitations, suffocation, a lump in his throat.
Lack of feelings during depression
“I have never had emotional contact with family and friends. In general, relations did not develop with anyone. I went on a spree - endless drinking, parties, but in the end there was only an even greater emptiness inside. I try to forcibly interest myself with something, but I do not have enough for a long time. Again I slip into this insensitive state when nothing pleases me. Recently developed intolerance to nicotine, caffeine and alcohol, chronic fatigue. Just do not advise me to psychologists. I went, drank pills - it doesn't help."
“I do not feel emotions … Only the fear that life will pass, and I will continue to watch it like from a window, as if I’m watching a movie. I do not get pleasure either from things I love or from food. The mood is always bad. I want to cry. I live like in a vacuum, like in a nightmare."
If, along with the visual vector, a person also has a sound vector, he may experience depression - a painful condition caused by a lack of meaning in life. Whatever he does, wherever he directs his interest, in the end it all comes down to the meaninglessness of what is happening. Only when a person realizes himself is he able to feel real joy from life. And when he does not know why he appeared in this world and what to do, he experiences the emptiness of the lack of meaning in life.
This is exactly what a person with a sound vector feels when he cannot understand his desires, which differ from the aspirations of most people, because they are immaterial. The vector of his desires is aimed at knowing himself and other people. In this world, too much distracts him, does not allow him to understand himself and realize the purpose of his life. He feels strange, different, different from others. Doesn't fit into life. Compares himself to others and not to his advantage. Asks the question: “Why are they happy and enjoy life? Why don't I feel the same emotions?"
Depression and apathy go hand in hand when you don’t want to get up and do something, when nothing pleases you, when you don’t have the strength to live and is covered with hopeless fatigue. The sound vector in a state of unrealization affects emotions - they seem to freeze, because there is no sense in them either.
What can you do to get your feelings back?
Revival of feelings
“I had such conditions. I had to force myself to live. Through effort, she walked and did something. Through the veil, through the frozenness. I drove myself out into the world. She began to live. I just really wanted to be normal."
“When I was in school, I had problems at home, with my parents. Also the joy of life is gone. But I shared with a friend, told him everything, said that I want to feel joy again. He brought a kitten in the evening. I began to take care of him and gradually pulled myself out of this state. Don't give up. There are always people and situations in which you are needed."
The outward direction from being obsessed with oneself and one's states is correct. But without realizing the reasons and ways of filling the emotional void, such actions rarely give results. Lasting deliverance occurs through systemic psychoanalysis. You can do it yourself at the training "System-vector psychology".
What the training gives:
- Awareness of childhood traumas, the characteristics of upbringing in the family, the consequences of stress. Due to this, there is getting rid of their influence on life. When negative programs are brought out of the recesses of the unconscious into the light, it deprives them of their influence on you. Cleansing tears during training open up feelings, give access to them.
- Understanding of oneself, one's desires, the degree of their realization. You begin to see what you really want and how to properly realize your desires so that they do not create psychological problems. You will find the meaning of life, because without it it is impossible to feel happy.
- A way out of focus on oneself into focus on people, on the world. During training, this happens by itself: in the process of studying psychology, other people naturally become interesting to you. They begin to cause sympathy, emotional attachment, love, the absence of which caused despondency and apathy.
All this will help the owners of both visual and sound vectors. The first will finally understand what prevented them from realizing their natural destiny - to empathize, to love. The latter will acquire the meaning of life, will find answers even to insoluble questions and, if they want, will find like-minded people, and with this all the colors of life will return.
Those who have completed the training talk about this.
Before the training, Dina was so focused on herself that she did not feel emotions. Even the jokes seemed unfunny to her. She pretended to enjoy life. For the first time after the training, she felt alive:
Anton saw that the people around him were happy. Intellectually, he understood that there is happiness, but he himself did not experience it. After the training, he felt an interest in life, in people, and finally felt happiness, satisfaction from the realization:
Julia went to work like a robot, did it well, but felt nothing. Life went on, she also ate, drank, went to the gym, but inside she realized that she was dying. When she was undergoing training, it seemed to her that the trees were getting greener and the birds were singing louder. Joy began to appear …
The training "System-vector psychology" helps to gain the ability to feel deeply, the skill to enjoy life, every moment of it, a light breath of breeze and raindrops on your face. Life is not long enough to be discouraged.
