Returning to myself - how I dreamed of being a man
Transsexualism is not a mistake of the Lord God and not a fatal accident. Life is half, not real, devoid of many of its joys. This is what a person experiences who considers himself not who he really is. I did not expect that the training would remove the long-term obsession by hand. Honestly, being yourself is incredible happiness!
Transsexuals … This word has become quite famous thanks to TV shows and newspaper articles. Still would! Such a topic! Already goggle eyes in amazement - can it really be THIS?
If even ten years ago the topic was under an unspoken ban, today people who have changed their sex have become almost “stars” … It's funny. Transgenderism "rules", and along with it those who "caught the wave" prosper and, instead of really helping, profit from human sorrows. Famous people who have changed their sex will forever make themselves even more unhappy than they were, because there will be no return, and the soul cannot be changed with the help of an operation.
We are shown only the top of this pyramid, where everyone shines with smiles, telling us what wonderful opportunities the new body gave them. But if we look into the eyes of these people, into their very depths, what will we see there?.. Emptiness, premature old age, melancholy and … disappointment in life, in yourself … Cover with a smile and even inspire yourself that everything is OK, but this is only a temporary solution, an attempt to veil the horror of the future …
First person
I know what I am writing about, because I lived the situation “through myself”, inside, from early childhood … And I was the so-called “edge” option, for which not getting what you want is like death. The so-called "awareness" of oneself not of the sex that was presented by nature, came in childhood. Why and how, I will say a little later. Only now my life, in which I had to pretend, hide, like many other sisters in misfortune, was incomplete, dim. As much as it could possibly be. Loneliness, fear of exposure (what, Lord?), Hatred of yourself and your body - isn't that scary? Especially when all this haunts a person constantly, poisons existence, strangles everything good and bright, which could give real pleasure from being in this world …
Half life, not real, devoid of many of its joys … This is what a person experiences, who considers himself not what he really is.
She is not given to see herself as a beautiful, sweet girl - in her thoughts, in her feelings, being a being of the opposite sex (just like that - a “being”, a freak, because she can never become a real man in all respects!) All that she has is just desperate searching for a solution to the "problem", up to hormonal and surgical interventions, which often bring even more frustration.
Systemic about transsexualism
Now let's try to figure out what it is - female transsexualism. To be honest, there is simply no such thing as female transsexualism in nature. And don't rush to throw stones at me - just read to the end.
So who are we? Rather, they are girls and girls, among whom your humble servant used to be. If we consider our (while I will say so) community from the point of view of the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, if we analyze (which I did after returning to normal life) the internal state of the girls talking about themselves on transgender forums, then you are amazed, how much alike we are …
This is our unfilled sound vector, muffled in childhood, coupled with an undeveloped, with a great deal of fear, visual result: rejection of oneself as a representative of the fair sex and hatred of everything that reminds of it.
In rare cases, a suppressed urethral vector is "mixed in" here, which gives girls the strength of spirit and the abilities of a true leader … Only this leadership in a suppressed state develops in the wrong direction, and instead of Pugacheva or Babkina, instead of a perky atamansha full of life, we get … a girl who stubbornly considers herself a boy, all the vitality of which goes to asserting herself as who she least can be.
One way or another, transsexualism is not a mistake of the Lord God and not a fatal accident. Only a woman's soul can be imprisoned in a woman's body. All the roots of the problem lie in the “weak”, traumatized properties of the so-called lower vectors responsible for libido, multiplied by a distorted perception of oneself in sound and visual vectors. Difficulties in self-identification, the feeling of the inner I as something separate from one's body - these are the vicissitudes of the soundman's perception of the world, as well as visual fear, forcing himself to disguise himself as the source of a latently perceived threat - all this becomes a kind of channel for the libido of skin, anal, urethral girls.
When I came to Yuri Burlan's "System-Vector Psychology" trainings, I was still "in the same image." And the worst thing - I was seriously thinking about expensive operations. And along the way, about how to earn all these tens of thousands, and whether I will survive, and about many other things … I did not expect at all that the training would remove the long-term obsession as if by hand … It is strange, but after so many years of boyhood, only a couple of them "sausage" me weeks. And the transition - to a real, beloved, beautiful, clever girl - was practically painless …
How did it happen? I don’t know … Probably, this is my previously muffled sound just got what it lacked; just suddenly there was an understanding of myself, my essence, my real I - and my visual fears went away …
It’s just that life and my place in it have come into order, have come into agreement with each other, and what seemed irreversible has gone with the filling of the vectors responsible for my previous state … As if I woke up from a long nightmare - and immediately on a bright morning; and life became real, full, bright and amazing … We urgently need to catch up - to enjoy every day we have lived, to ourselves, to have time to do whatever you want …
No, I wouldn't trade such a life for anything!
Honestly, being yourself is incredible happiness … To love yourself, your loved ones, to see joy in their eyes and to enjoy this life itself is an amazing feeling.
And such rejection opens up to those "aid institutions", the industry that profits from people like me, pulling out the last money from them and promising to find themselves in a new guise … People run away from home, work no one knows where and by whom, if only money to give them for ghostly "happiness" … No, it's not true …
I read the forums - and you see so much melancholy and despair in many of those who have gone the path of artificial reincarnation to the end or almost to … Believe me, if they had the opportunity to solve the conflict of their inner I without surgeries and hormones, then there would be much more happy people!
