Gentle Boy, or Why Do Men Cry
Often, upbringing forms in the mind of such a sensitive boy a seditious thought "I do not meet the requirements that are presented to a man, there is something wrong with me." In the male team, he feels lower than others, and can become an object for ridicule and manipulation …
A sensitive big-eyed kid. Such kind - and will not offend a fly. He cannot remain indifferent at the sight of homeless animals: he pities them, feeds them, brings them to the house for the "joy" of parents. In the rain, he walks on tiptoes - maneuvers between earthworms, fearing to stumble and harm, - any life is sacred to him. Sometimes, she cries over trifles: he hears a sad song, or, for example, learns that the flowers wither with the onset of autumn. He loves to watch his mother prettify - jewelry and makeup fascinate him.
We often find this strange. We perceive such behavior as the next stage of growing up: "Yesterday I ate sand, now this. Nothing, it will soon pass - he will grow up." If it does not go away, we begin to get angry: "He is crying all the time! Whiner! What to do with you!" Attempts begin to mold the timid boy into a real man. For his own good, of course. So that he could fend for himself, and finally realized that flowers are just plants, animals are just an element of the food chain, and worms are bait for fishing.
Often, upbringing forms in the mind of such a sensitive boy a seditious thought "I do not meet the requirements that are presented to a man, there is something wrong with me." In the male team, he feels lower than others, and can become an object for ridicule and manipulation. He is ready to do a lot so that "real men" would accept him, recognize him - he brings toys, sweets, money from home - but this does not help.
It seems that all our efforts to raise our son "a real man" are doomed to failure. But are we leading its development there and aren't we making it worse?
What kind of animal is this, and what caused its behavior? Let's try to understand with the help of System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Inside view
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains human behavior, his desires and predisposition to one or another occupation, using the concept of "vector". A vector is a set of mental properties inherent in us from birth and determining our values and aspirations.
In total, 8 vectors are distinguished: cutaneous, anal, urethral, muscle, visual, sound, olfactory, oral. Several vectors can be present in one person.
About the visual vector
Representatives of this vector have a particularly sensitive visual analyzer - they see the world orders of magnitude brighter than everyone else. At the dawn of mankind, the owners of the visual vector played the role of daytime guards of the flock - only their keen eye was able to notice an approaching predator at a great distance, to recognize its natural "disguise" against the background of the landscape. The spectator warned her relatives about the impending danger with a bright smell of fear and, if this was done in time, then the flock managed to escape. The visual boys had a different fate: they, the only men who did not have a species role, did not survive in ancient times.
The basic emotion with which every visual person is born is the fear of death. After all, the stronger the fear at the moment of danger (the brighter the smell), the greater the likelihood that the warning will be "heard" by the flock in time. Therefore, inherent fear is embedded in the visual vector, which, during development, a person learns to take out through empathy and compassion for others.
A visual person has a wide emotional range: from panic fear for his life to crazy love for all living things. What part of this scale the psychic of an individual will occupy is determined by the degree of development and realization of his "vision".
There are 4 levels of development of the visual vector: inanimate, plant, animal and human level.
At the inanimate level, the viewer sees the beauty of this world only in its inanimate manifestations: beautiful landscapes, fashionable clothes, bright unusual interior items. A person is identified by appearance - how he looks, dresses. But his inner world is of no value for such a "vision" - the manifestation of feelings, emotions will most likely cause discomfort and awkwardness.
At the plant level, we, the spectators, already realize the value of life - we are able to enjoy flowers, build emotional connections with animals and - shallow - with people. Our sympathy is enough for plants, butterflies, kittens, puppies and other animals, but for humans it is not enough. We can superficially feel another person: to see that he is feeling bad, but we do not go deeper - we are uncomfortable there.
The animal level of development of the visual vector is characterized by the increased value of the life of another person - we are able to feel his inner states, experiences and emotions. In some cases, we can and are ready to share someone else's mental pain - feeling and experiencing it as our own, and thereby alleviate the suffering of this person; to sincerely rejoice with him when he is happy, further enhancing this bright feeling.
The peak of the development of the visual vector is the human level. At this stage, we are ready to do anything for the sake of people who find themselves in difficult conditions, even give our lives to alleviate their suffering. Audrey Hepburn and Chulpan Khamatova are prominent representatives of this level of development.
I will be a man
All these levels, one by one, the child passes from the age of 3 to 16 years. It is important that in this interval, he feels the support of his parents, feels protected and safe. And this is where the problem arises. If for girls the behavior dictated by the visual vector is considered the norm, then the development of boys is often suppressed by the environment - parents, friends, classmates. As a rule, these are the requirements to be a man - not to let nuns (after all, "men do not cry"), to be able to defend themselves (to be able to take their lives and give their own), to feed the family, not to engage in "female affairs".
Such an image introduces dissonance into the psyche of a young visual boy - they demand of him, but no matter how hard he tries, he cannot fit into this framework. Feeling the visual component of his character as something bad, unnecessary, the boy will try to suppress its manifestations - in such conditions, the development of the vector stops. Fears, insecurity, a feeling of inferiority, self-pity, entering into homosexual relationships for the sake of protection - just a small list of the consequences of the undeveloped and unrealized visual vector in a man.
I will be human
In a developed state, men with a visual vector are beautiful. Their desire for beauty and a special vision of the world allows them to create masterpieces of painting, sculpture, unprecedented architectural structures; a large emotional range - to find yourself on stage.
Whether our child will be happy depends on how much we understand and support him.
You can learn more about visual, as well as other vectors, on the free online trainings on Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. Sign up here:
