"My child has such prospects!", Or Where the potential goes
We, as parents, know better what our child needs and what will be useful for him in life. We may not have succeeded in becoming great musicians, but we will make every effort to make him succeed … Often the way we think about our own child looks like this …
Quite often, you can hear from parents that their child was very capable in childhood. At school, he began to study well, attended all sorts of circles, and the teachers praised him. No, there were, of course, controversial moments when the child was stubborn, did not want to enter a music or art school, but we “overcame” them. We, as parents, know better what our child needs and what will be useful for him in life. We may not have succeeded in becoming great musicians, but we will make every effort to make him succeed … Often, our train of thought looks like this.
Later, grown-up children also realize their lost opportunities, great and unknown where potential has gone. And how much energy there was! And that could, and that worked … So what now? Unloved work, lack of hobbies, no joy in life … Where is that moment in life when our opportunities cease to be?
Abilities only from birth
Each person is born with a certain set of vectors, that is, properties, desires, abilities. And also with a certain temperament (strength) of these vectors. Abilities are assigned but not provided. Ensuring their development is our task, the task of parents. There is a vector - there are properties, there is no vector - there are no properties, which means that they cannot be developed. It is impossible to make a duck out of an eagle and vice versa. Here is a nimble, agile skin child: make him sit for hours for lessons - but he simply will not stand it. Once, once, did it and ran. Or ask your anal boy to finish everything quickly - he will fall into a stupor and the case will stop altogether.
Well-meaning parents direct the child to an area in which they believe he can be happy. At the same time, everyone has their own concept of happiness, and, accordingly, we push our children in different directions. For whom it is important that he earns a lot, for whom - to be a respected person. And some of the parents do it even easier and direct their children to where they themselves dreamed of getting, to the area in which they themselves once wanted to take place. When parents judge by themselves, through themselves and their desires, they do not develop the child in the direction in which he needs. But parents and children often have different sets of vectors, and therefore, different properties! Ascribing their properties and qualities to the baby, they often do not see at all what kind of little person they are raising. This is the reason whythat the child's potential is simply dissolving before our eyes.
Experiencing parental pressure, sometimes very strong, the child either tries to implement their plans, adjust himself to their requirements, as a result of which he may even live “not his” life - in other words, he lives life not proceeding from his desires and needs, but forcing yourself to meet the wishes of your parents. Or the child, not succumbing to pressure, begins to do everything in spite of.
The consequences of such upbringing are deplorable: at some point, a person who has already matured may realize that he always wanted something else that he was not allowed to do, and that he no longer knows what he wants and what he really can do, where is he thoughts, and where are strangers.
As a result, on the one hand, we get unjustified parental hopes, on the other, another failed life. And in the big picture - the alienation of children and parents.
It is sad to see a picture when an undeveloped visual-skin mother has been kostering her anal-sound son all her life for "he does not earn money." While the son himself, being already an adult uncle, experiences a tremendous sense of resentment against his mother, which prevents him from realizing and taking his place in society, and also leads to failures in relationships with other women. But sound parents are just as demanding.
Mom looks right through me
At the training "System-Vector Psychology" the dermal-visual oral Vika (name has been changed) talked about the difficulties of communicating with her mother - an anal sonic. Vika grew up as a very sociable child, she was always the soul of the company, she was in the center of attention. She studied in a theatrical circle, best told jokes and rightfully took the place of the adored jester of the class. Problems began when it was necessary to bring friends home. It is customary for classmates to visit each other, and girls like to stay with each other overnight. Vika's mother hated noise and strangers in her house and, having endured such "nights" a couple of times, told Vika that her legs would not be bigger than these silly girls - Vika's friends - in her house.
She herself also considered her daughter close-minded, calling her a chatterbox and idle talk. It was very difficult for Vika to understand the alienation of her mother: for a second she was here, and for another she was already looking through her. The mother was always offended by something, locked herself in her room and did not leave there for a long time.
Vika was looking for a way out on the street, at school. Constant reproaches, sorting out the relationship with the mother were very exhausting. Unjustified maternal hopes … The mother herself once studied physics, and, in her opinion, there was nothing to talk about with her daughter. Vika grew up with a clear feeling that her mother does not love her and is burdened by her, does not give an emotional connection and never listens, forcing her to look for ears for oral speaking elsewhere …
After another quarrel, their contact was cut off for many years, to resume only after Vika underwent training with Yuri Burlan. And really, how could they understand each other, without having any identical vector, and therefore, not a single point of contact?
A sound parent in a certain state of the dominant vector with his arrogance can really hurt a non-sound child. "You are not yet a person" - these words, haughtily thrown by the sound dad, hurt the offspring extremely badly. In addition, if a child has a sensitive visual vector, alienation can forever prevail in a relationship. And a child with an anal vector will have a heavy grudge for a lifetime.
You can cite thousands of stories of parent-child relationships, and all of them will have one common misunderstanding and disappointment with each other.
What kind of relationship do you build with your child? And what are you waiting for in the future? Are you going the wrong way, developing a child to please your desires, or trying to hear him? And what happens and what you can't hear? And does he hear you? Who will he be? Will it take its place in life? And what kind of relationship will you have with him?
Your child's future is in your hands!
