Do we all come from childhood?
One who lives only in the past deprives himself of the future. To live, constantly looking back, to live in the hope of someday correcting the mistakes of the past, and maybe even rewriting your whole life for a clean copy - means living, wasting your life energy at idle speed.
One who lives only in the past deprives himself of the future. To live, constantly looking back, to live in the hope of someday correcting the mistakes of the past, and maybe even rewriting your whole life for a clean copy - means living, wasting your life energy at idle speed.
Looking back, you cannot go forward. This is exactly what happens to us when we relive our childhood grievances again and again, we get stuck with our thoughts exclusively on the past, we look for the guilty, we blame ourselves.
Our whole life turns into one huge reproach of an immature child, looking at the world with tear-stained eyes, expecting that someday a miracle will happen and he will receive everything that he was deprived of in childhood.
We expect that someday they will return to us what our mother did not give us in the past: love, care, affection, a sense of security, recognition that you are the best, that you are a good boy or girl.
Being deprived of all this, we are sometimes unable to adequately build relationships within ourselves and with others outside. We suffer from low self-esteem, sometimes reaching self-hatred, we cannot accept ourselves, we are unable to love ourselves or others. We walk through life with a heavy gait, bending under the weight of the past, which comes to us in memories and dreams. We drive it away from ourselves, but it still comes.
The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan examines in detail such a life scenario, which is laid down only in a certain type of people, and explains the reasons for its formation. Through the awareness of one's life scenario, liberation from all its negative consequences in adulthood occurs.
The mistakes of the past cannot be corrected, because the past no longer exists: states come and go, replacing each other. It is necessary to work with the present state, and not try to reconstruct the long past, obsolete. Knowing ourselves, realizing our psychological characteristics, we change - our feelings change, our attitude changes, changes occur in the present.
Our fundamental mistake is in the opinion that the reasons for our troubles are in the external: the parents are bad, they have not brought up that way, the children are bad, ungrateful, the husband / wife does not love enough, does not understand, thinks only of himself … to yourself.
Relations with parents
Childhood is a special time in our life. This is the time when we take the first steps in knowing ourselves and the world around us. In childhood, ideas about ourselves are laid in us, self-esteem is formed. This is the time when we learn to interact with others in a certain way. And our relationship with our parents plays a special role in all these processes. The way we interact with them in childhood determines the scenario of our entire subsequent life. We accept or not accept ourselves. We realize our innate potential or we go the wrong way, trying to follow the desires of our parents, who, as always, wishing us well, strive to realize in us what they themselves did not receive in their childhood: "You will also say thank you to me, you will say my mother was right!"
The relationship with the mother plays an important role in the psychological development of any child. Nature is so arranged that for the first part of our life each of us is attached to our mother with natural love. During this period (from birth to puberty) we are full of unconscious fear of the world around us due to our extreme helplessness and unconsciously understand that our survival is completely dependent on our mother.
Therefore, for every baby, his mother is the most important person, she is the smartest, the most-most. As we grow older, the veil of childhood falls from us, conflicts arise between "fathers and children", which is also programmed by nature. Cutting off ties with parents is a guarantor of procreation. We step into adulthood, create our own families, lose the animal connection with our mother, although we still have cultural superstructures: caring for parents, duty to parents, respect for parents, etc. Yet independent living skills and breaking up with parents are essential to building your adult life.
The importance of parental bonding for the anal and anal-visual child
For a child with an anal vector, relationships with parents in childhood, and in subsequent adult life too, are especially important. It is in this type of people that, due to a problematic relationship with their mother, difficulties may arise with adequate self-esteem, with acceptance of themselves, their individuality, such personality traits as infantilism, as well as cruelty and sadistic inclinations, can be laid.
It is difficult for a person with an anal vector to independently deal with all these problems due to the specific psychological characteristics of the anal vector. It is this type of people who tend to live in the past, past states, feelings. Such people look at life exclusively through the prism of the first experience, transferring it from one person to all people, from one situation to all subsequent situations in life.
Having negative experiences, they get stuck in resentment. These are severe negative states of the anal vector, which deprive the fullness of life, waste vital energy in vain.
The anal-visual child is doubly psychologically dependent on the mother. It is in this type of children that, with unfavorable relations with their mother, on their basis, one or another negative scenario may arise in the future.
The anal child is distinguished by extreme congenital dependence, he is not able to independently start movement, make a decision, make a choice. He needs mom's tips. “Mashenka, go clean the room,” says mom, and Mashenka happily runs to clean up. Our mental structure is arranged in such a way that everything is provided with feedback, therefore the anal child is very obedient, he easily follows other people's advice and instructions, is ready to follow any instructions and instructions from his mother and does it without any internal resistance, with pleasure.
The fear of being without a parent (without custody) determines the increased need of the anal child for parental love, for its confirmation. An anal baby needs to be sure that he is doing everything right, he needs praise: "What a golden child you are, what a clever girl!"
Raised by a skin mother, an anal child, as a rule, does not receive the vital connection with his mother and experiences tremendous stress due to a subconscious fear of not surviving.
Communication with a skin mom for an anal child becomes a real torture. Anal babies are inherently slow. They do everything slowly, consistently, so as not to forget anything, to put everything on the shelves. It is important for them to bring any business to the point, to reach the state of perfect, ideal order and perfection.
The skin mother has a different innate rhythm, different values. For a skin mother, it is not quality that is important, but speed, unlike her anal child, she can easily do 10 things at the same time. When such a mother begins to urge her child, everything falls out of his hands, the child experiences a state of stress. And to this is added the discontent of the skin mother: "Why are you a fool, what a clumsy" …
Life with a dermal mom turns into an eternal rush for a leisurely anal child: "Well, why are you digging, come on faster, one, two and you're done" … Of course, in such an atmosphere between a dermal mom and an anal baby, there can be no love or understanding. The skin mother has completely different innate desires, different value systems. She is stingy with emotions and praise, restraint is the highest virtue for her: "There is no need to pamper children, because of this it grows incomprehensible."
An obedient anal child struggles to be a good boy or girl, that is, the way his mom wants to be. Of course, he does not succeed, and he withdraws into himself, takes offense at his mother, acquires low self-esteem, begins to hate himself. It so happens that instead of suggesting a direction for realizing the special anal essence of her child, the dermal mother tries to remake him, make him a dermal one, giving her child wrong landmarks in life, alien values, erroneous thoughts.
Childhood resentment drives life's script
Anal resentment, fixed in childhood and later repressed, in the future controls the anal person all his life, creates his life scenario, restricts any positive movement. We are forever stuck in a stupor, afraid of situations when we need to make decisions or make choices. We are afraid to live, because life is movement.
We close on the past, on our grievances, become infantile, refuse to take responsibility for our lives, are afraid of situations where decisions have to be made, we grow extremely helpless. Such an anal baby develops various negative scenarios that form cruelty and sadistic tendencies in him, driving him into a stupor, developing obstinacy and stubbornness instead of the "will to win".
In anal-visual babies, the state of resentment is aggravated, since an unfulfilled colossal need for emotional connection, soulfulness, warmth, separation of emotions and impressions is also added. In the case of an anal-visual combination, the resentment reaches its emotional maximum.
In the relationship of an anal-visual child with a skin-visual mother, the opposite scenario can form, when the mother, unconsciously understanding the psychological peculiarity of her child, begins to manipulate his love, forming a “good boy / girl” complex in him. A visual or skin-visual mother successfully uses the anal child's need for love, and praise turns into a manipulation tool: "You are my golden boy, my beloved, the most obedient baby in the world, the best, how lucky your mother is that you are the best in the world tying your laces …"
This is how an unconscious conspiracy arises: one side - "I, a defenseless baby, need my mother's care, advice, confirmation of constancy and love," the other - "I, your mother, very pleased with your obedience, begin to manipulate you through praise and confirmation of love." Such good boys and girls are always easy to see - they constantly look into the eyes in anticipation of praise, they can never refuse anyone, say "no", they are ready to do anything to hear in response: "What a clever fellow, what a fine fellow you are." …
An anal-visual girl next to a skin-visual mother may experience difficulties in accepting herself as a woman. She can acquire various complexes regarding her appearance. She and her mother have a completely different metabolism, body structure. Next to her slender, graceful, impeccable-looking skin-visual mom, the anal-visual girl may feel overly clumsy, too fat, and unattractive.
A skin-visual mother, in a certain state, unconsciously evaluates her daughter as a competitor, she switches the attention of all daughter's boyfriends to herself. The skin-visual mother is a special type of woman who is unconsciously unable to feel like a mother, since by her natural essence she is a nulliparous female, a fighting friend in hunting and war.
Such a mother is incapable of all-consuming love and care for her own child, although at the same time she easily and quickly establishes an emotional connection with other people's children, there is always a crowd of children around her, looking at her with loving eyes. Skin-visual women are exactly those mothers who always face a choice: family or career. More often they lean towards the latter, and if they choose a family for one reason or another, then they mourn themselves all their lives: "You understand that I sacrificed myself for you!" Skin-visual women who choose a career pay little attention to their child, often handing him over to relatives and nannies.
The understanding of the vector features of children, obtained on the basis of the training "System-vector psychology", makes it possible to make relationships in the family harmonious, revealing the individual characteristics of the child, and not suppressing his natural essence. This is a unique upbringing tool that gives a clear understanding that we are all different: what for one is a balm for the soul, for another will be a disaster.
Parents are not aware of this, because we always wish others what we ourselves would like. When we learn to see our children in a vectorial way, we ourselves find the answers to all questions related to their upbringing, we select the correct system of reward and punishment that does not traumatize the child, but sets him the right movement in life.
Awareness of one's psychological characteristics in an adult state helps to solve many problems with self-esteem, a natural, coming from within, acceptance of oneself as you are comes, an understanding of the life scenario comes and the forgiveness of one's mother naturally comes, resentments go away, space is made for the present and future.
Resentment is a condition forbidden by nature, since it means inhibition of development. You can't live in the past. The feeling of gratitude, respect, understanding, some other positive feelings should remain and serve as an incentive and motive for moving to the next state, to the future.
Getting stuck in past states deprives us of development. Without realizing it, we are marking time in one place, thereby causing irreparable harm to ourselves. At the trainings "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan, starting to realize themselves and understand others, people get a new quality of life. Tears that suddenly begin to flow in a person after a couple of sessions are the removal of fixed states in the anal vector, this is cleansing.
Self-awareness and understanding of others, which the training "System-Vector Psychology" provides, removes the negative states acquired in childhood. A person who has lost his way finds his real "I", realizes his real desires, understands what properties he possesses for their realization, begins to live a full life here and now, without constantly looking back with a search for the guilty. To understand is to forgive. Real forgiveness comes when we understand that our parents had no choice, they lived their lives according to the script, in turn, they received from their parents. We live by our desires. Realizing them with the help of System-Vector Psychology, we take control of life into our own hands, and do not go blindly by touch, having no other support than past experience.
