Ritka, or How the actress died
But all the pressure of her desires stopped at a mark equivalent to the primitive level, when the woman thought that her only asset from which to benefit was her body. Therefore, by the age of 15, Ritka was firmly convinced that relations with men should be built according to the primitive principle of "I will not give", and if "I will", then for a reward …
Hurray, hurray, now I will be rich and definitely happy, now I don’t have to, like my parents, survive in this gray, bleak little world, saving every penny. A completely different future awaits me, where you don't have to buy chicken necks to cook soup, and where you don't have to wear this stupid red dog fur coat after your cousin.
The blue-eyed Ritka happily clutched in her hand a solid bundle of white envelopes, which differed from each other only in stamp, often casually glued, and in handwriting. Ritka was surprised that the word "on demand" could be written so differently.
On some envelopes, it was drawn in the most careful way, the vowels were almost regular rounded, and the consonants were written out as in a child's recipe for an excellent student - without a single blot.
On others, Ritka counted them the most, the handwriting was completely careless, as if in a hurry, and in some places even with incomplete letters.
However, among them there were completely unexpected ones, with printed letters on straight straight lines, as if their owner was afraid that one day they would be able to identify him by handwriting and accuse him of something.
Man
Ritka was impatient to open all these envelopes as soon as possible in order to finally end her childhood once and for all, which, in her opinion, almost ended with her four years ago. Exactly at the moment when, at the age of 11, her parents decided that she was already old enough to earn money. And now she lacked only a big fat point, after which no one else can call her small.
At the age of 11, by mutual agreement of divorced mothers and fathers, the girl was assigned to the "easiest", from the general point of view of the 90s, work. Thus, during her summer holidays, Ritka did not go on vacation to her beloved grandmother for the first time, but ended up at the railway station with a pack of freshly printed newspapers.
“Train timetable, new timetable, buy a new timetable…” a young voice rang out all day among tired and sometimes disgruntled passengers waiting and seeing off, and often just scurrying back and forth, as it seemed to Ritka, people in police uniforms.
On the girl's very first working day, nothing particularly remarkable happened, which could then be remembered all her life with annoyance, resentment, or, conversely, with pleasure. But one situation was still remembered in a special way that day.
Not far from the place where Ritka stood was a restaurant, as ancient as the station itself, and probably keeping many horror stories in its unpretentious rooms with high ceilings.
- Also for me, the queen was found, - yelled a tipsy bumpkin who almost tumbled out of the heavy wooden doors of the station restaurant and barely managed to hold on to a high wooden bench so as not to sprawl next to a puddle in which two cigarette butts floated sadly.
Seeing Ritka, the man made an effort, leaning his hand on the shabby seat, and walked toward her with a shaky gait. The girl looked around, the police, as luck would have it, were not around.
Ritka moved closer to the stairs of the only underground passage in their city, so that in case of obvious danger she would rush down the steps and dissolve into the crowd of the Moscow train that had just arrived. At this time, a huge number of people usually came, from the point of view of physics, it is not clear how they were accommodated in obviously not rubber cars.
Approaching the distance of two outstretched hands, the man stopped and, looking at Ritka with bloodshot eyes and wandering in some other reality, said: "Send me, I will pay."
Benefit
From childhood, Ritka looked like a real skin-visual cotton-eye - slim, flexible, with a beautiful gait and graceful curves of the body.
It could not be said that she was more interested in 11 years old - studies or boys. At least, my mother believed that she was raising her daughter completely correctly, not allowing her to go out late and paint her lips.
Therefore, when Ritka came home “late,” she always had a pitiful story in store about how her classmate at home had the lock in her apartment broken, because of which Rita could not come home on time. However, she never forgot to wipe lipstick off the tree with a leaf.
Ritka learned to lie truthfully even before her parents divorced. Indeed, not only her body was flexible, plastic and graceful, so she learned to sit on the twine and do somersaults without practicing in the gym. Her psyche was also the same streamlined, flexible and adaptable to any conditions.
Ritka intuitively knew how to benefit from everything in the world. For example, when her parents were just about to divorce, and then humanitarian aid was brought to the school from somewhere from Europe, the girl managed to make an upset face in time and, letting out a tear, walk up to her teacher.
Five minutes later, the teacher already knew that Ritka's parents were getting divorced, so she now also belongs to the category of “children from single-parent families,” who relied on this help. So Ritka got her first imported sneakers in her life.
Great prospects
“This girl has great prospects,” said teachers, neighbors, and even Ritkina’s mother thought so too. But what happened for a long time in Ritka's family determined the girl's fate in its own way.
Ritka's father, a real policeman, roughened from work and from scandals with his mother constantly agitated, almost every day yelled at the girl. From the age of 10, she had already been prescribed several weighty cuffs a day, accompanied by her beloved dad's epithet "Freak", of course, for the purpose of education, so that she was "afraid."
Ritka's mother, in some strange way, being in the apartment every day and performing her household duties, was absent from the girl's life. Immersed in her experiences because of an unhappy relationship with her father, she fenced off the girl from herself, and all her upbringing was reduced to a couple of phrases a day: "What's in school?" and "Clean up the room."
Soon the girl learned to endure the cuffs of her father calmly, but the words “nothing will work out of you, poor student, you will work as a janitor all your life” Ritka felt like painful splinters sticking into the delicate girl's skin.
After such a systematic humiliation on the part of the father, the most promising desires of the skin vector (the desire to build a career, achieve success, be the first in everything and everywhere) simply came to naught.
And the mother's indifference accepted by Ritka completely deprived the girl of a sense of security in her family, so at home Ritka behaved “defensively” and perceiving every word of adults “with hostility”.
And her thoughts ceased to be significant, as before, when she dreamed of becoming an actress and therefore, secretly from everyone, rehearsed at home, looking at the beauties from the screen and trying to repeat facial expressions and gestures after them, even imitate emotions. All Ritkin's thoughts seemed to freeze at one point.
In a conversation with her friends, Ritka increasingly said that, in general, she didn’t care who to work, money was paid little everywhere, but there was one sure way that, when used correctly, would always give a girl with brains the opportunity to be provided.
By the age of 15, the circle of her desires was even more and more categorically reduced to the level when expensive clothes, better than others, good cosmetics and cash in the wallet, become a favorite topic of conversation.
And where did they come from, other interests, if Ritka did not have the conditions for the development of the abilities of people with skin and visual vectors.
If the father hadn't yelled at her, hadn't given her a slap on the head, and the mother had taken a lively, and not formally, part in the upbringing of her child, then Ritka would certainly have had time to grow her psyche to completely different desires that give colossal opportunities to people with such vectors. And after adolescence, she would successfully realize herself in society.
But all the pressure of her desires stopped at a mark equivalent to the primitive level, when the woman thought that her only asset from which to benefit was her body.
Therefore, by the age of 15, Ritka was firmly convinced that relations with men should be built according to the primitive principle of "I will not give", and if "I will", then for a reward.
It only remained to test in practice how this principle works.
Envelopes
After 40 minutes, she finally drove home, opened the old porch door with peeling paint, darted, without turning on the light in the corridor, into her room and laid out the long-awaited envelopes in front of her.
Not finding scissors nearby, she tore off a small piece of paper on the right that separated it from such important content, froze for a second in anticipation of happiness. Then she took out a checkered notebook sheet from the envelope, on which, as if bashfully connecting with each other, flaunted the words:
"Hello. My name is Vladimir. I will become a sponsor. My phone. 54-XX-XX ".
Ritka exhaled. Now she will have a completely different life.
The girl went to the kitchen, made some strong tea, grabbed the spilled biscuits from the table, caught a glimpse of her mother's reflection in the mirror, and dived back into the room. Inside it was joyful and for some reason scary.
Probably because somewhere in the depths of my soul, with her arms crossed on her chest, a talented actress, a successful business woman and even a teacher of a private kindergarten were dying in her. And this oppressive feeling of death caused Ritka to have one, but very serious thought. Something is wrong here, it shouldn't be this way … Mommy …
