How to make friends at forty?
We get our inner balance only when we give something - ideas, knowledge, skills, talent, time. When we do not seek to realize ourselves for others, the people around, instead of a source of pleasure, turn into objects of hostility. This is how we move away from each other more and more. And this makes it difficult to find friends.
There is an opinion that after forty it is too late to look for friends. The character is formed, it is not so easy to adapt to others, there is no that ease of communication, carelessness, or something. And the requirements for friends are high.
It happens that negative experience has been accumulated, resentments prevent you from trusting people. And then it's just frankly scary to start communication, you are afraid of a repetition of mental pain.
And yet loneliness weighs heavily. Sometimes I would like to have a heart-to-heart talk with someone, do something together, share the joy of a trip or a holiday. How to find friends when you are already forty years old? How to trust people again, to feel interest in them?
Here the training System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan comes to the rescue. It not only reveals the reasons for our loneliness, but also helps to open up to people again, to revive old and start new relationships.
Time of individualism
Man is a social being. We are created to live together: in a group, team, society. More recently, we grew up with our hearts wide open, with special generosity, hospitality and hospitality, thanks to our unique mentality, which is close to collectivism.
However, today from childhood we hear “think about yourself”, “answer for yourself”, “listen to yourself”. The cutaneous phase of development declares individualism in everything: personal time, personal boundaries, personal productivity, personal success.
Psychologists teach - "love yourself", advertising repeats - "pamper yourself, have fun, get a buzz from life, and let the whole world wait!" … A focus is created on personal pleasures, interests, consumption.
Our psyche is structured differently. Internal balance, a sense of peace, joy and happiness appears only when we realize ourselves for others. When our efforts, mental or physical, benefit another person.
In other words, we get our inner balance only when we give something - ideas, knowledge, skills, talent, time. When we do not seek to realize ourselves for others, the people around, instead of a source of pleasure, turn into objects of hostility. This is how we move away from each other more and more. And this makes it difficult to find friends.
But there are not only common reasons for all. Communication problems are often associated with the psychological characteristics of each person. Especially when life experience shows that friendship is dangerous and painful.
When past experience gets in the way
Reputation, public opinion, outside view play an important role for a person with an anal vector. Therefore, he especially carefully chooses his friends. But if he is already friends, then this is for life. Especially strong relations are with friends from childhood, school, university, since the past for him has a special, more significant meaning. In his system of values, friendship should be real - with traditions, mutual respect, honest and just.
When friends do not live up to these expectations, it is perceived as a betrayal. Deep, lifelong resentment occurs only with the owners of the anal vector. Once burned, they can no longer trust other people, as if generalizing their negative experience. This can cause loneliness, which is especially tragic for such a person, because friendship is one of his most important values.
And then there is self-doubt, as a manifestation of the properties of the anal vector not in the best conditions, for a long time can prevent a person from starting a new relationship.
Indecision, the desire to think over and weigh everything, fears to seem stupid, naive, inappropriate, to create a negative impression of yourself - all this becomes an obstacle in the matter of establishing friendly relations. In other words, he is so afraid to show himself from the bad side that he chooses not to show at all.
Approaching a person to get to know each other requires considerable effort from a representative of the anal vector. Acquaintance through third parties, on the recommendation, on the advice of mutual friends, in the same company, in the same team is much easier and more relaxed.
Getting rid of many years of grievances and negative past experience at the training System-vector psychology helps the owner of the anal vector to start a new life in which he wants to communicate, get acquainted and be friends:
I'm afraid it will hurt again
Fears, phobias, emotional instability, as manifestations of the properties of the visual vector in a poor state, often become the basis for social phobia.
So, one of the most extroverted vectors - visual - begins to experience problems in communicating with people. That which should fill, delight and delight the visual person brings him suffering.
Breaking up friendly relations for a visual person feels very painful and can cause fear of new acquaintances and rapprochement.
The fear that someone might hurt feelings, break a heart, inflict mental pain, makes you close yourself from people for good. And that means, sadly enough, to deprive yourself of the main pleasure in life - an emotional connection with a person.
Thanks to the awareness of their own characteristics and understanding of other people, social phobia goes away during the training. This is how people say about it:
I'm not like everyone else … is that true?
The introversion of a person with a sound vector, the conviction of his own uniqueness gives rise to the mistaken idea that he does not need anyone. But deep down, such a person feels loneliness and would like to have a kindred spirit - a friend, a like-minded person with whom one could talk.
I am strange, too complex, no one understands me, it is difficult for me to find a common language with others - in such expressions the representatives of the sound vector explain their feelings and the reasons that it is difficult for them to get along with people. Other people often seem primitive to sound people, not smart enough, and this also does not add a desire for rapprochement.
Sound specialists always associate their negative inner state with the influence of the surrounding world, because they do not find in it that which could bring them pleasure.
The fact is that the desires of the sound vector are aimed at finding the meaning of life, the reasons for the existence of everything around, the special purpose of a person's presence on Earth. The desires of the sound engineer go beyond the boundaries of the physical world. For him, the most important thing is to discover the very essence, to understand the meaning.
Sound desires are difficult to fulfill in the material world. He is not happy about money, career, fame or recognition, emotion or attention. Therefore, comparing himself with the majority, who find happiness in these values, the sound engineer may feel flawed.
The greatest pleasure is to find this meaning, to feel it in the results of the work of your abstract intellect, in the process of deep concentration and concentration on the problem.
When the sound engineer does not find application for the properties given by nature, the mental balance is disturbed and manifests itself in inner suffering. There is a feeling of the meaninglessness of life. The lack of understanding of what is happening within oneself is projected onto others, using the words “no one understands me”.
Considering himself a "black sheep", unable to share their interests with those around them, the sound engineer goes into alienation. People are incomprehensible to him, he is incomprehensible to them, there are no points of contact between them.
The external world, reality, people begin to be perceived painfully. The supersensitive auditory sensor transforms into a bare nerve that senses every sound, noise or voice intensely and sharply. The soundman, in his desire to escape from suffering, increasingly withdraws into himself, fencing himself off from people, isolating himself literally from everything in the world, into silence and darkness. Thus aggravating their condition and falling into the trap of depression.
“I have no place among people” - is this really so?
Firstly, people with a sound vector are not so few - five percent of all humanity. Here are already close, kindred souls who perceive the world in the same way as you.
Secondly, when there is such a tool as System-Vector Psychology, which allows you to understand other people, to know exactly the features of their worldview, then each person becomes insanely interesting. Each person becomes an object of study, an opportunity to immerse himself in another universe.
And thirdly, doesn't anyone need powerful abstract intelligence? Do you need the skill for the strongest concentration? Ability to create ideas? People of intellectual labor in the era of high technologies cannot be unclaimed.
However, it is the result that is in demand, not fruitless reflections. There is an urgent need for a visual, tangible product of the work of the intellect, and not baseless convictions of one's own genius. A written book, a valid program code, a piece of music, a physical formula, a diagnosis, a completed project.
And now, when all this is revealed at the training of System-Vector Psychology, the sound engineer changes the perception of reality. The reality becomes different. There is a feeling of being needed, an understanding that you are beneficial, every day you live takes on a deep meaning. Along with this, the painful perception of the people around disappears, since in fact they were not the source of suffering, but empty, gaping desires of the sound psyche.
As soon as a person with a sound vector realizes his aspiration for self-knowledge at the training system-vector psychology, he, perhaps for the first time in his life, feels the fulfillment of his psychological needs in full. Now he understands the nature of his own psyche, the characteristics and desires of the people around him, recognizes in them the manifestations of each of the eight vectors, observes the cause-and-effect relationships of the words and actions of each person in his environment.
In every moment a special meaning is revealed - why this or that person acted this way and not another. This understanding gives rise to a sincere interest in people. Communication becomes productive and brings great joy.
As soon as resentments and fears that prevent us from establishing connections with other people go away at the training in System-Vector Psychology, as soon as we understand how much we need other people, we ourselves begin to be needed by them.
This sincere interest in a person, the ability to understand his desires as his own, is felt by another person as a special disposition towards you. The person perceives your inner state of acceptance of the other as he is as subconscious sympathy, favor, trust. This becomes an incentive for communication, building relationships, friendship.
Think about how a person who has a sincere interest in you, shares your aspirations, is ready to support you in difficult times, listen or help, sincerely rejoice in your happiness, devote his time, attention, efforts, to do something for you - just like that, out of friendship, without ulterior motives?
Would you like to communicate with such? How many friends will you have if you yourself can become such a person?
Apparently, it is a lot if you are a person with a visual vector and you enjoy emotional connections with others, enjoy new acquaintances, communication, interaction.
And perhaps one, but close friend, will be enough for you, if you are the owner of the sound vector. And the main thing for you is understanding, like-mindedness, spiritual kinship.
And it doesn't matter at all how old you are, who you work for, where you live and how you look. These sensations are subconscious. They are not associated with appearance or name, they are associated only with the personality and psychological state of a person.
By attracting people to us through a deep understanding of their psyche, we get the opportunity to shape our environment, and therefore expand our potential, surrounding ourselves with interesting, open, knowledgeable and bright people in all respects. It is never too late to grow and develop, to receive pleasure from sincere communication. Not at forty or seventy years old.