How to get revenge on your ex
"Opposites attract" is not just a pretty phrase. This is a systematically explainable fact. But the first attraction passes, and distortions begin in relationships and life. “Investing, investing, everything is for him! And he found him younger! " How to restore inner balance? Return the same suffering to the offender. Isn't that fair?
He forgot to call, did not remember a single date. Everything was forgiven him. Even ridicule and humiliation. Now, when the point in the relationship is so suddenly and absurdly put … it is impossible to forgive. The beloved received the status of the former, having lost the possibility of another rehabilitation. And how to take revenge on the former for the pain and shameful role of the abandoned, unnecessary, remains to be decided. In the meantime, one thing is clear - an unbearable desire to take revenge.
How to get revenge on your ex: safety rules
You may have already read the recommendations in other sources. But there is an important point: most of the methods are ideal for cinematography and teenage fantasies. In reality, a well-thought-out revenge can turn into a petty dirty trick. Then you will feel much worse.
Therefore, an important rule of revenge: do not do anything that will later be ashamed of. Moreover, do not do anything illegal. You need to think about this first, because such "little things" as scratching your car or, in the case of an office romance, ruining your former beloved's work computer, can do you much more harm. By the way, in this case, in the eyes of others, he is also a victim, which means that he will be a positive side. Who needs this?
Don't be too hopeful that no one will know about your revenge. When the fire of righteous anger burns inside, filling thoughts with the poisonous smoke of the thirst for revenge, it is better to take a break. Revenge requires a cold mind and a well thought out plan. Otherwise "actions of hooligan motives" will turn out, and not revenge. You are unlikely to plan to disgrace yourself in front of mutual acquaintances.
It is unlikely that the abuser purposefully planned to hurt you, thinking only of his own interests, but he probably guesses that you are not too happy about what is happening. It won't get better if he thinks something like "how good that I got out of this hysteria." In no case should you put yourself in such an unfavorable light, even if you know for yourself such a sin as a tendency to hysterics.
And consider the nature of your ex - revenge can lead to a backlash. Especially if he considers himself completely right, having broken off the relationship.
If you want revenge, think about the results
When a girl thinks about how to take revenge on her ex, she doesn't want to just hurt him. After all, it is necessary that he regretted his departure, so that it becomes unbearable for him to live, meeting with a new passion. In fact, often a girl wants to return a past relationship. Revenge methods that exclude the possibility of return are not suitable here.
On the other hand, only by finally destroying the past relationship, putting an end, you can start a new relationship from scratch. But so far you haven’t made the point, and that’s no good at all. In this sense, revenge implies a sense of completion.
Just let's be honest with ourselves. You won't be able to forget quickly, it will hurt for a long time. There is a possibility that guilt and false hopes of the opportunity to return everything will be added to the resentment against the ex, but after complete revenge, not a single chance. Therefore, the methods of revenge should first of all bring you some kind of positive results.
And this is especially important if we mean the situation when it comes to a broken marriage for many years. You have not only mutual friends, but also a child. Perhaps not even one. Whether you want it or not, you have to cross paths. Any dot will turn into an eternal comma and will scratch the heart for a long time. And the children are certainly not to blame for your unsuccessful relationship, they should not suffer in any way.
But back to revenge. The best revenge is to be different. New. Prove to yourself and him that the separation was good for you. The older, the more difficult it is to do this. But the result will be more noticeable!
Why do you want to take revenge on your ex?
Relationships in the modern world are not as stable as they used to be. Neither the oath of loyalty, nor the stamp in the passport, nor the church rituals - nothing can keep people together. Only one's own desire to preserve the relationship and efforts to preserve them. At both sides!
Unfortunately, we often expect our partner to act and make decisions without taking into account his wishes. He wanted a free relationship, but we already bought a wedding dress. Now we sit with our girlfriends, thinking about how to take revenge on the guy who did not live up to expectations.
Unjustified expectations are all too often, and not only in relationships, but not everyone has a desire to take revenge on the offender. Such a need exists only for people with a heightened perception of honesty and a special understanding of justice - the owners of the anal vector (in terms of the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan). Severing relations by one side is, in their opinion, without a doubt, dishonest and unfair. Especially when it turns out that the decision has been made long ago.
The situation is aggravated by the fact that for the owner of the anal vector, family and stability are the highest values and the basis for a sense of security and safety in this world. A broken relationship is a broken world that will have to be rebuilt. You can't take it lightly. Even if you try very hard and read the affirmations about forgiving the offender all day long.
How can revenge help?
The worldview of the owners of the anal vector looks like an even square. Everything should be perfect, even, honest, straightforward. Right angles, straight roads, straight line of life. It may seem a little monotonous to some, but this is a condition of psychological comfort.
The ideal world is disturbed by others. Especially those we choose to pair with. Here they offended, there betrayed. Not appreciated.
"Opposites attract" is not just a pretty phrase. This is a systematically explainable fact. But the first attraction passes, and distortions begin in relationships and life. “Investing, investing, everything is for him! And he found him younger!"
Not only can the body writhe in pain - the psyche also seeks to find a comfortable position, to align the edges of its life. So as not to hurt.
How to restore inner balance? Return the same suffering to the offender. Isn't that fair?
Alas, this is not fair. At least in relation to yourself. You are initially in an unequal position. Also, therefore, when planning revenge, it is important not to harm yourself and not aggravate the situation.
Why isn't revenge satisfying?
- Your ideal memory is idle, in the smallest detail, over and over again, recovering the details of the last days before breaking up. You constantly think about how to get revenge on your ex, avoiding the opportunity to enjoy life in the here and now.
Ultimately this leads to frustrations that affect all areas of life. Life stops under the weight of resentment. Maybe it's time to look around in the real world? Think about how not to get into a similar situation again, analyze your own mistakes in relationships … And turn this page, leaving the memory of happy moments. Surely they were too.
- You cherish and cherish resentment, automatically equating all the surrounding men with your ex.
So you deprive yourself of a chance not only for a new relationship, but also for normal communication with friends. But parting is not always bad. It's time to draw conclusions and prepare to meet someone who won't hurt you. At the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, you will learn how to accurately determine the most suitable partner.
- Even after taking revenge, you will get a very brief moment of satisfaction.
Whatever you do, it won't be equal. Because your pain will stay with you. The memory of all the insults will also remain with you. And with the passage of time, feelings of guilt and shame for the accomplishment can be added.
Revenge will rule out any chance of rebuilding the relationship.
If in the future you have to intersect with each other, it is good to keep at least neutral relations. In addition, now you are too offended to soberly assess your own desires. Are you sure you will never want to reconnect?
So I'll say it again: the best revenge is to become new. To spite the former to start a new life, hiding the pain. If there are common children, take more care of them. They also experience the pain of loss, and even their mother's condition inevitably affects their sense of security.
The Right to Revenge: Emotion and Sober Reasoning
The desire for revenge usually has an emotional side as well. After all, there may be completely different situations:
1. Do you think how to take revenge on a man who insulted, humiliated, disgraced? Or betrayed at a difficult moment?
Do not rush to revenge. But hardly anyone can condemn your desire. It seems that revenge is the only right action that can at least slightly balance, restore justice. To alleviate the pain that keeps you from thinking about anything else.
2. Or maybe you were happy for many years, but the attraction gradually faded away, there were fewer common interests. Then another appeared.
Is there a reason for revenge? Answer yourself honestly.
3. Or yesterday your whole life was filled with the light of love. And now you are going through a parting for which you were completely unprepared. It seemed that these very relationships are the very love of all life. But in the place of a wonderful future there are fragments of dreams and fear of loneliness.
The owners of the visual vector always react violently to what is happening. Any positive or negative event is amplified by emotion. And parting is a very emotional event, because the fear of loneliness or a feeling of shame at what friends say can be added to resentments.
It's not just fear that has big eyes
Resentments that arise as a feeling of imbalance in the anal vector require analysis of the situation and actions. But when the emotions of the visual vector come into play, there is no time to analyze - you want to act here and now so as not to explode from an overabundance of emotions. After all, it is impossible to cry into your pillow forever. And even alone!
It is necessary to speak out, cry out to someone. And the best "anyone" is a beloved girlfriend. Necessarily also the owner of the visual vector. Only such will understand and sympathize.
And now parting turns into a terrible crime. The villain's act requires revenge in the best traditions of westerns or ladies' novels. A detailed plan has already been drawn up on how to take revenge on a guy who turned out to be a "goat, like all men", or a womanizer … Also, of course, "like all men."
The owners of the anal vector know how to work with information better than others. Not only to analyze, memorize, arrange ideally on the shelves. But also to generalize. Add emotions here - you get a fixed opinion about all the males.
Emotional planning for revenge certainly eases the condition. The support of friends relieves the fears that inevitably arise in viewers when an emotional connection is broken. But, alas, this does not completely solve the problem. Although communication with friends is an effective recipe. And an even more effective recipe is to focus on other people's problems. You probably know someone who has a much worse life situation and needs your support.
How not to take revenge on yourself?
Surely you have already realized that full-fledged revenge requires a cold mind and preliminary analysis. Otherwise, you will direct revenge against yourself.
Often, the first thing that comes to mind is to quickly find another. But it's impossible to create fulfilling relationships as long as resentment and fear rule life. There will inevitably be a man next to you whose inner states resonate with yours. You will simply plunge into an even more unsuccessful relationship, perhaps with an even more painful ending for both.
This is the most flawed of all possible options for how to take revenge on an ex. Postpone action until you can calmly think about your ex.
While your wounds are healing, spend your time wisely. Analyze what mistakes you've made in your relationship. You can write out your weaknesses and focus on improving yourself. Also, a list - the qualities that you want to see in your chosen one.
- Don't forget about the outside of the problem. The most painful thing is to live with a huge hole in the place of past love. With an empty spot where his slippers stood yesterday. Make the effort - create a new order at home! Perhaps you have long wanted to improve something in your appearance. Get a new hairstyle, visit a beautician, update your wardrobe, sign up for a sports club. After all, go to the museum or theater that your ex hated so much. Making changes outwardly won't heal the pain, but it will help you experience life.
- Learn all about the strengths of your psyche at the free online training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan. You will understand why the relationship did not work out and how to find the perfect man, despite any past failures. At any age!
And only after that will your revenge be effective. If, of course, there is such a desire. After all, happy people see only happy moments in the past.