The child steals. How to raise a decent person?
This problem is far from uncommon, as it might seem. We don't often hear about this, because when faced with a similar situation, parents, as a rule, try to resolve it on their own. They try not to initiate other people into it, simply because they avoid being judged by them. It is difficult to ask for help with such a question without feeling guilt and shame within yourself for having raised a shameless, dishonest person …
Sometimes the behavior of our children defies explanation. It is difficult to understand why a child has a desire to steal if his upbringing is based on the concepts of honesty and decency.
It seems that he has everything: a clean, comfortable house, good quality things, good books. We are ready to support his desire to study by paying for additional lessons. We try not to refuse any important requests for him, so that he does not feel deprived in comparison with his peers. In general, we do our best to grow a decent person out of him.
And he, ungrateful, steals. And he continues to steal, despite the punishment, and even lies that he did not take anything. At first, it's hard to believe that this is happening in our family. It's a shame that paying so much attention to the moral education of our child, we get such a result.
While he steals only in the parental home, you can somehow try to stop the thefts. But what if he starts to steal in a kindergarten, school, store? It's a family shame, a tarnished reputation for life! It's scary to imagine how all this could end when he grows up and his parents are not around.
Stealing children is a problem today
This problem is far from uncommon, as it might seem. We don't often hear about this, because when faced with a similar situation, parents, as a rule, try to resolve it on their own. They try not to initiate other people into it, simply because they avoid being judged by them. It is difficult to ask for help with such a question without feeling guilt and shame within yourself for having raised a shameless, dishonest person.
Sometimes it even seems that now the moral principles on which we grew up are devalued. And our own children do not attach any importance to this, despite the fact that we try to educate them in the same way as our parents raised us.
Caught stealing - you will be punished! What do we do when we catch our child stealing? Of course we'll spank him. This is at least. After all, this is not some minor offense. This is STEALING! And it is sometimes very difficult for parents to restrain themselves. Out of indignation, "I want to grab his hands straight and rip out his hands, so that he could not even think about this anymore."
And after the execution, a conversation begins, and we try to explain to him that if he continues to do this, he will grow up as a criminal, a thief, a scum of society. We tell him that no one will respect him, that he will end his life on the street or in prison.
Almost immediately after being punished, we begin to feel guilty. For being too strict, they could not contain themselves. Again, we begin to delve into ourselves, trying to understand where we made a mistake.
Vicious circle
After a while, everything repeats itself. Again theft, again attempts to understand the reason and explain the consequences to him. Sometimes it seems that the child deliberately provokes us to such behavior, forcing him to punish him even more strongly each time.
Why Do Good Parents Have “Bad” Children? Why are some children prone to stealing? What to do in such cases? The exact answers to all these questions are given by the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Why are our children different from us?
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan asserts that we are all different precisely in our inner content. Our child may not be like us, and this is completely normal, because people are born with different mental qualities. This is due to the presence of different vectors.
A vector is a group of innate desires and mental properties of a person. There are eight vectors in total, each of which determines the life values of a person, his thoughts and actions.
Nowadays, people generally have 3 to 5 vectors. Even in the appearance of people, we can observe the distinctive features of each vector.
It is innate desires that set the characteristics of a child's development. And we look at children through ourselves and our properties. For example, we were obedient children, studied hard, and respected our elders. We didn't have to be taught to divide everything equally, not to lie, not to take someone else's. It's as if we were born honest and decent. Of course, we weren't perfect, but we always tried to get better. Therefore, we sincerely do not understand how it is possible not to feel the desire to be an honest and decent person.
This is how we evaluate the behavior of our children, comparing with ourselves - this is my child, my blood, my genes. Having become parents, we try to raise our children in the same way as our mothers and fathers raised us. After all, thanks to them, we grew up worthy members of society. But it turns out that inside we are arranged differently. We have different unconscious desires. This is the root of all problems and misunderstandings between children and parents.
Let him be different
It often happens that our child is not like us at all. It seems that our nose and eyes, but inside it is as if someone else is sitting. Here is a restless kid growing up. All the time running somewhere, spinning constantly. Shares toys reluctantly. You just hear: "Give, give, mine!"
He wants to do everything at the same time, throws what he started, grabs at the new. Praise for such children means little, material reward motivates better. If you give a candy, he will go, put it in a bag, next to others. His father has already made a box for him, so he says: "The bag is more convenient: he took it and went, and it will fit more."
This behavior is caused by the presence of a cutaneous vector. In childhood, until the end of puberty (about the age of 16), we develop our innate qualities, which we are already realizing as adults.
Who grows out of restless children
The owners of the skin vector are earners from nature. Their main innate desire is to obtain and preserve. They have a slender flexible body, which, in turn, is a reflection of their flexible psyche.
People with a skin vector are organized, have a logical mindset. Their leadership qualities are manifested in the desire to limit both themselves and others, so they are disciplined and able to demand this from others. We should be grateful to them for the incredible engineering achievements of civilization, for sports victories and for the creation of laws.
The desire to save money, including saving time and space, forces them to invent new technologies. From the bridge that connects the two banks of the river to the spacecraft, covering tens of thousands of kilometers in a matter of seconds. Not to mention the remote control for the TV, which gave all of us the opportunity once again not to get up from the cozy warm sofa. Skin inventions certainly save millions of people time and effort.
For people with a cutaneous vector, the highest reward is material encouragement and recognition of their leadership and superiority. All their qualities are aimed at making a profit, achieving a successful result. They become excellent financiers, lawyers, engineers, athletes, businessmen.
How does a child develop
But our child is not born an inventor and a businessman at once. The properties of the psyche still need to be developed in childhood. During this period, a sense of security is very important, which, first of all, gives the child the mother. He is still not self-sufficient and needs the protection and support of his parents.
In addition to basic, but vital food and sleep, it is important to take into account the psychological characteristics of such a child when raising him. Then it will develop harmoniously. But it seems to us that “the apple is not far from the apple tree”, and we are sincerely indignant and do not understand why the child suddenly starts to steal. We didn't teach him this!
Little earner, or where does the "theft" begin?
Since by nature a child with a skin vector is a breadwinner, even when he is still small, he has “haptile” hands. Such children pull everything to themselves, do not like to share toys and sweets. Better to postpone or hide somewhere in a secret place.
While the child is very small, the parents look at his actions with affection: what can you do - an unreasonable child. But when a child starts playing with other children, it suddenly turns out that he "took" someone else's toy from the sandbox. And he did it so imperceptibly that my mother found her only at home. There is no limit to indignation. The first educational conversation about theft begins.
Although the child does not even have such concepts - he got a toy, it is his trophy. But in the eyes of a mother who “never took someone else's” - this is a terrible act, and she begins to punish the child, first with words, and then with slaps. After all, how many times he was told that this should not be done, but he does not understand. Maybe it will come to him - parents justify themselves.
Hitting children is to stop their development
It is skin children with delicate and sensitive skin that have a low pain threshold and perceive physical punishment more severely than others. If the parents beat their child (namely, they are his support and protection), then, by the same token, they say to him: “We no longer protect you, now you are on your own”. In such a state, the child no longer receives a sense of security from his parents, and he has an archetypal program of behavior.
Now, in order to survive, he is forced to take care of himself. But the child is not yet ready to become an adult, his psyche is not yet developed. Therefore, he begins to act like a primitive skin man, getting everything that falls into his field of attention (toys, candy, money) by any means, that is, to steal. Or to play their archetypal species role, the successful fulfillment of which provided the skin man with safety in the primitive flock. So the child, acting unconsciously, tries to get the lost sense of security. And adults see it as stealing.
Why Punishment Doesn't Help
Anyone tries to avoid suffering. With the same zeal, he seeks pleasure. Someone gets it from gratitude for their work, from recognition and respect. A person with a skin vector needs recognition of his leadership, superiority, and the achievement of social and property superiority.
When we, parents, scold our skin child for stealing, saying that he will grow up to be a worthless person, a scum of society, we injure his dignity. This is the same pain as from physical punishment.
Since it is difficult to endure pain and humiliation, the flexibility of the psyche and the high ability to adapt in a child with a skin vector help him learn to enjoy punishment.
At the physical level, this is due to the release of opiates, endorphins, which is a protective reaction and acts like a pain reliever. And as is often the case, pain relievers are addictive.
So the desire for pleasure and the need for a sense of security drives this little man into a trap. He continues to steal in order to feel protected at least for a while. Then he gets his dose of endorphins - the pleasure of punishment. This is repeated over and over again, a persistent habit is developed. In the future, this can also become the reason for the formation of a scenario for failure.
Everyone needs an individual approach
What if you can't punish a child? We were punished, and we grew up to be honest, decent, respected people. We tend to follow the example of our parents, overlooking the fact that we are all born different.
What for one child is a punishment that makes you think about your behavior and improve, for another can cause stress and developmental delay.
All children, and indeed any adult, react equally badly to physical punishment and screaming. And individual methods of education must be applied to the representatives of each vector.
How To Raise A Child With Skin Vector
The skin child will benefit from strict adherence to the daily regimen. A specific list of duties with a designation of the reward relying for their fulfillment. The scheme “you to me - I to you” works well with them. Sport, discipline and a clear daily routine are the best helpers in raising a skin child.
The skin child understands prohibitions and restrictions better than other children. If for each "no and no" to give a clear and logical explanation "why not", then this contributes to the development of a child with a skin vector.
In the event of disobedience, time and space limitations can be applied. For example, send him to sleep half an hour earlier, limit the walking area - not a step further than the sandbox. And standing quietly for 5 minutes in a corner for a mobile child will be a challenge. Better to clean up my room, as my mother asked, than such torment.
"Gingerbread" for a skin baby
Encouragement is also important in education. For boys, it can be material. Another coin to the piggy bank. A bike for a good end of the school year. With girls, it is best to avoid direct material rewards. It can be a little trip - after all, the skin man loves change so much. Or the opportunity to participate in a competition, competition.
The greatest pleasure and the main "gingerbread" for a skin child are gentle stroking of the skin or "massage" from the mother. From such actions, a child, even a very active one, calms down and feels protected and safe. He gets great pleasure through his delicate skin.
The pleasure for the skin child is always movement. Therefore, dancing, outdoor games and competitions can also be a good tool for encouragement and punishment. You did everything - you go to play. Didn't meet the requirements - the games are canceled.
Children with a skin vector instantly calculate their "benefit-benefit" and in the case of fairness of the demand and understanding of their benefits from its implementation, they easily go to restrictions. True, sometimes parents need to show "resilience", because a skin child can "bargain" and promise to do something later that he should do now. This is also how the desire to get a prize manifests itself with a minimum of effort.
We are responsible for our children
We are responsible for the correct upbringing of our children. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan clearly shows that the state of the mother directly affects the state of the child. Children subtly feel all changes, fluctuations in the psychological atmosphere in the family and immediately react to them.
While undergoing training in systemic vector psychology, many mothers begin to notice changes in the behavior of their children. And surprisingly, the problem of theft disappears. You can see the following results after the training:
The key to understanding our children
By understanding our child better, we will be able to give him exactly what he needs most for the harmonious development of his mental properties. This will help him in further implementation in society, which is directly related to the quality of life of each person.
If you want to get acquainted in more detail with the features of the skin vector, find out how to grow an engineer, businessman or lawmaker, a respected person in society from a little thief-earner, come to the free online lectures on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.
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