The couch of discord on the path to a happy family life
Is it possible to save a relationship in which one is a log on the sofa, and the other depicts the saw "Friendship" …
You told me "sit down", told me "get up", Then the smart one was tired and lay down on the sofa.
I understood - this is a hint, I catch everything on the fly, But it's not clear what exactly you meant.
From the song of the group "Accident"
When the dialogues of some couples from rhetorical questions and reproaches pass into the “why?” Stage, there comes a turn in the relationship towards comprehension and analysis. Who is to blame, for what, what caused it, how it happened, and the rest of the accompanying clarifications … Stage "why?" does not come for everyone whose life together has ceased to be cloudless. Some ignore her, jumping straight into divorce, parting, breaking up, sending each other far and for a long time … If you asked the question "why?", Then you probably already went through "how much can you?", "When is it finally ?!" and "how much can you tolerate ?!" And if you are really interested in the answer to your “why”, then the relationship can be saved.
Life is so arranged that most of us, its inhabitants, regardless of the vectors, by default follow the path of least resistance. Including in relationships: for a start, we try to be capricious and manipulate, or even achieve our own impudently, "take it by the throat" … And only when it does not climb at all, we begin to find out what brought us to this point and whether it is a point of no return … Everything is almost like in the old Internet joke that the instruction manual in Russian should be started with the words: "Well, did you break it?" I'd like to believe that the answer to the question "why?" prevent relationship breakdown and the last "why?" will not turn into the last "sorry" …
Sofa army
Coming home from work and having a delicious meal, you fall on the couch in full confidence
that the word “couch” comes from the English divine - divine!
Observation from life
Today's "why?" addressed to couch warriors. Why is he lying on the couch? She works, spins, earns a penny in the house, and he shamelessly chills on the couch. Why?
Life story. Real. He is a sane, adequate man, she is a sane, adequate woman. He stuck, sat down, attached. She was waiting for him from prison, helped as much as she could, waited. And so he went out. It would seem, live and rejoice! But no. The celebration of the meeting was over, and the monotonous days of the groundhog dragged on. For a whole year, then one thing, then another - neither life nor work is glued. Tried, tried, searched - nothing. And lay down on the sofa. Month, second, third. For a while she endured in silence, but then, according to him, "started the bagpipes." And on the fourth she left.
And then the man was taken to his grandmother - he got up from the couch and, as if he got into the "green street", as they say - flooded. A lucky realtor, from two deals he bought a "hummer", which he dreamed of since adolescence, from the next three - a normal apartment. Two years later, he left the office with his clients, created his own - now in the regional center his real estate office is the largest. Recently he got married, took a young girl as his wife. But he himself says that "everything that I earned is for the one who waited from prison and did not endure a little to succeed" …
Each victim of such a situation probably has a whole set of answers to the question "why?" The female shortlist of this list is not original: “his mother is to blame for everything,” “he’s just a quitter,” “I was wrong about him,” “I spoiled him with attention.”
The men's list is not much more intricate: “there are a number of circumstances in which I got confused”, “my ex is to blame for everything”, “I have a streak of bad luck”, “give me time / don't press me”, “I'm working on the issue”.
There can be many options for explanations and versions, because each has its own rationalization. Let us find out how the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan explains this moment. And the first traditional question, a systematic answer to which will give the key to understanding the situation, is "who is who." What is the vector basis of the actors, or rather, one of the actors and the second, wiping the sofa with his back.
If the cobblestone is the weapon of the proletariat, then the sofa is an integral part of the anal's universe, that is, a person with an anal vector. Sitting with a newspaper on the toilet in a warm toilet, putting on, barely entering the house, cozy worn out slippers that remember your every callus and every callus, lying on your favorite couch with a delicious sandwich, sinking into a zombie - this is our very anal. It is the analnik that is able to mimic, merging with the color of the sofa so that it cannot be detected until its stomach smells the food being prepared.
With what vector was the anal vector of the “couch warrior” who became a successful realtor in the bundle? The training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan makes it clear that in this particular case it is a skin vector that made a man get up from the couch and achieve success. However, it is much more interesting to understand not how and why he got up from the sofa, but why he lay down on this sofa! It is this question that we raised from the very beginning, and the answer to it is fundamentally important for those who believe in the possibility of family happiness with a sofa warrior.
For a person who is at least partially familiar with systemic knowledge, it is obvious that in the given example there was moral pressure from a friend. Alas, this is how the phrase "started the bagpipes" stands. Perhaps this pressure was not obvious to those around him and the lady did not at all seek to shove her lover under the heel, but acted solely from good intentions, pushing him to activity. However, the result was exactly the opposite: it was she who became the weight on his legs and it was her departure that opened the door for him to another life.
Now practice your knowledge from the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan and answer the question: what vectors turn even the most loving and devoted women into “pipers” or into stubborn commanders who love to “steer” the faithful?
Men who find themselves in a similar situation unanimously assert that if a man lies down on the sofa, it is exclusively a woman's merit. And a systematic immersion in this topic largely testifies in favor of this opinion. And not because “all the women are fools”, but because “couch lying” is the result of the fact that day after day, hour after hour, a woman hammers an anal man like a nail “to the very top”, pushes him into a corner, into a snail-sofa "house". Somewhere mockery of what he does and how he succeeds (or fails), somewhere prodding and demanding what, in her opinion, is more important and necessary for family and life together, somewhere open disregard for his opinion …
Whether she does it consciously or not is irrelevant in this situation. Only one thing is really important - does this woman want to build her future life with this man, or she really does not need him. If he wants, then there is only one way out - to loosen his grip, to release these psychological clutches and, if the man is still alive, to begin to establish relations with him in a different way.
Differently
We will live and sing in a new way …
From the song of the Lyube group
"Differently" is how? Remodel yourself? It?.. Who else could be remade?.. Proceeding from the main axiom of systemic understanding - you cannot make a bird out of a fish. A bird, if fed with fish food, dies … Where is the way out? How to reformat relationships so that everyone can be happy?
If you step back from the bare theory for a minute, then in life you can find many examples of how couples, with the unsuccessful development of relations, are prone to falling into the above-described "sofa dead end", were able to build a truly kind and noticeable family happiness with the naked eye. Somewhere intuitively, somewhere due to the wisdom and development of the woman's skin vector, somewhere as a result of painful grinding and a series of packed bumps, including mistakes, scandals and showdown, somewhere thanks to great love, which helped to endure and overcome everything …
One such couple celebrated their golden wedding two years ago. Once upon a time, they met on the set of a comedy in which they played the main roles. He courted, she accepted courtship, but she was in no hurry to rush into an affair with her head, although hundreds of women were already crazy about her beau. When the joint work ended, she decided to forget about him, because she considered him unreliable. However, the lover made a spectacular gesture - handed her a front row ticket to … his own concert! Yes, yes, the hero of this story was also a popular singer. He ended that concert with a beautiful romantic ballad, after which he publicly confessed his love to her.
… A year after filming together, they got married. Today they have three children and a grandson; she is the CEO of their common business, he is a living legend in the world of film and music. Astute readers have probably learned the story of Adriano Celentano and Claudia Mori.
One of my skin-visual friend, who has lived in Italy for a long time and knows the couple personally, is a bitchy person and is in eternal search for a chosen one, whenever it comes to Celentano, she galls Claudia, rewarding her with various unflattering epithets like "fat cow", etc. e. Far from being a young predatory beauty, who has clearly repeatedly eyed the legend, sincerely does not understand "what he found in this Mori." This is usually followed by a long tirade about how unfairly life distributes famous men, recklessly giving them into the hands of unworthy women …
It does not even occur to my evil-speaking friend that Claudia Mori is a classic example of a wise wife who willingly put her own career "on the altar of marriage."
Instead of a sofa - "the Celentano clan"
- You surprised me, I will not hide. I'm talking to you! No, it doesn't look like anything. Would you like to listen to me?
- Should I listen to you? And with what joy, I would like to know? You just broke into my house by force, all wet, here you have stained my floors, my sofas, and should I listen to you ?!
From the movie "The Taming of the Shrew"
Claudia Mori turned out to be not only a beauty, but also a clever one. Having become a wife, she immediately began to invest in her husband's career and help in everything, freeing him not only from "everyday life", but also from the need to engage in administrative activities that inevitably accompany any creativity. She abandoned her own film career and became his personal agent: she negotiated concerts, filming, interviews, constantly came up with news stories, intrigued and even spread rumors in order to attract the attention of the press and the public to her talented spouse.
Claudia is not just Celentano's wife, she is his personal PR manager and image maker, as well as the CEO of the record company "Clan Celentano". It is she who is credited with the authorship of most of the spectacular PR actions, of which there were so many in the life of the young Celentano. Then he lay down on the rails, supposedly in despair after a quarrel with his beloved wife, and she appeared a minute before the train and under the sights of cameras begged him to get up; then I learned a funny dance for a new role right on the city roadway, causing kilometer-long traffic jams …
She even sang with him at the San Remo festival, very successfully, but still most of the time Claudia remained behind the scenes, doing the rough work and carefully preparing her husband's spectacular public appearances. So what? All this so that the selfish upstarts, eager to draw the attention of the star untwisted by her hands, would now call her "a fat cow" ?! Well, no, with Claudia Mori such things will definitely not work - and they did not, as the history of Adriano's most public betrayal shows.
It's about his romance with Ornella Muti, which went too far, going beyond the usual affair. It was rumored that Ornella even divorced her husband, losing her head from her partner in the film "The Taming of the Shrew" and hoped that Celentano would follow her example. The press became aware of the novel, which relished the news in every way. Attention to the couple in love went through the roof, and Claudia also got it: the audience was eager to hear curses and swearing from the lawful wife, it would seem natural in the current situation. However, here too, Mori was at her best. With the smile of a sad angel, she told reporters about "accidental infidelity" as something insignificant, invariably repeating that "for a man, casual relationships are like for a mechanic, a new car inspection." Only she herself knows what it cost her to survive this peak situation,when his and Adriano's family life hung in the balance …
He returned, of course, on his knees begging for forgiveness. It is impossible to leave such a wife. She does not nag, does not reproach, does not impose conditions, driving into a corner … But she could - as hundreds of thousands of skin female commanders do, following the lead of their not fully realized skin vector. She does not arrange melodramatic scenes with tears, reproaches and wringing of hands - as tens of thousands of skin-visual beauties do, parasitizing on their partner and feeding their need for emotional swings at his expense. She just accepted him for who he is, and once and for all decided to be on his side, no matter what happened around. That is, women, it turns out, are not all fools !!! Of course, it is difficult to imagine Celentano lying on the couch for weeks, since at the heart of his active artistic nature is a developed skin vector,not letting you sit back and count the crows. And without an assistant wife, a developed skin-visual woman, he would have achieved a lot in life. However, without Mori, his ups would not be so enchanting, and his downs would be too painful. And who knows where he would be now if there weren't a devoted and wise woman next to him.
In addition, it is interesting to pay attention to the fact that Celentano began his career … what do you think, in what capacity? By whom? If you don't know, then don't guess. Watchmaker! He himself has repeatedly argued that if he had not had a musical and acting career, he would certainly have become famous for his "watch" talent. “First of all, I am a watchmaker, and only then - a singer, actor and director” - these are his own words.
So measure the path from watchmaker to best-selling singer and artist! By the way, he still has an operating watch workshop as a hobby. And he still enjoys repairing his friends' watches and even, they say, with journalists who came to interview, asks if everything is in order with their watches, if they need to be repaired. For those who understand systematically, this hobby is a sure signal that a person, among other things, has an anal vector - thank God, it is sufficiently developed. He is an exemplary family man, a loving father and husband, constantly asserting that, in spite of any "stories", he is a one-woman man and in his heart there is only one woman all his life. For us, this fact is interesting because there is a man with an anal vector (among others), who, in alliance with a skin woman, not only did not lie down on the sofa,but also achieved fantastic popularity, recognition and success.
… Perhaps, after reading this article, someone will look at their man lying on the sofa and sigh heavily, they say, my something is far from Celentano. And here, let me disagree. It all depends on what angle you look at your man. And if you dress him up? And if you imagine him driving a cool car? What is he doing there, lying down? Draws little people in a notebook? Or maybe he has a talent for making comics? Or draw computer games? You say, he only does what lies and scolds the government and the order? So give him a tablet, maybe a genius blogger is dying in it!
… Returning to the question with which we began this article, "why is he lying on the couch", one thing can be said for sure: there is no point in looking for an answer to this question, because this question is, in fact, incorrect, leading in the opposite direction from the desired result … It's worth thinking about what can lift him off the couch and inspire him to go forward to his personal goals and dreams. And how to help him in this, without picking up the bagpipes.
And if you arm yourself with systemic knowledge, then not only the questions will become correct, but also the answers to them. This is already confirmed by thousands of trainees of the training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
You can start acquaintance with this science at the nearest free introductory online lectures of the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan. To participate, register using the link.
See you!
