What if a child hits children?
Obviously, the situations when children fight are different. Is this a natural stage of growing up or a wake-up call that not everything is so smooth and the child should be given more attention, let's figure it out taking into account the age and individual characteristics of children …
A group of children is returning from a walk. Children stand along the wall, and suddenly one little boy sharply, with a swing hits the other on the chest. The kid immediately bursts into tears, the teachers scold the offender, calm the offended.
Or here's another: the girl liked the doll of another baby, but she does not give, well, what kind of injustice? We need to get revenge on the head a couple of times!
Or two boys are fighting over a toy. One took, the other also needs this one! So they go all day for each other - just to find a reason to find some noise, a fight!
And if we sometimes do not take children's collisions seriously, then fights at school, as a rule, cause concern, especially if the negativism and aggression of a teenager are visible with the naked eye, and the parents of offended children constantly complain about your child, with calls to apply harsh measures to him.
Obviously, the situations when children fight are different. Whether this is a natural stage of growing up or a wake-up call that not everything is so smooth and the child should be given more attention, let's figure it out taking into account the age and individual characteristics of the children. The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan (SVP) will help us in this. Let's start with the kids.
Why do children fight?
Almost all babies, with rare exceptions, fight. They take it easy and take it for granted. This is their “primal instinct”. This is how they build their hierarchy, prepare for adulthood in the form of a game. In the language of the training "System-Vector Psychology", this is called "ranking".
At the lectures of Yuri Burlan, we learn that each of us was born with a certain set of desires / talents / characteristics. They are necessary for a person to fulfill his role in society, for the normal functioning of the entire system. The totality of desires of a certain orientation is called a vector. There are 8 vectors in total. Each vector has its own "rank" in society. A modern person has 3-5 vectors on average, so the ranking has become much more complicated.
According to the principle of the "primitive flock"
The age from three to six years is the first, very important stage of socialization, when children learn to interact. Without much harm to themselves, babies learn to find their place in the general system. Fights are an integral part of this process. Children are organized according to the principle of "primitive flock", finding out which of them will perform which function in the future and how much it "weighs" in society.
If a child fights at the age of 3-4 years, most often he behaves naturally: he ranks as best he can, he does not yet have the skills of "cultural" behavior. But we are not a primitive flock for a long time. We live in a complex society, influenced by cultural norms that restrict natural instincts and naturally occurring hostility. Therefore, in each specific case, you need to figure out what caused the conflict, why the child hit another baby, and explain how it was correct to get out of the situation. Learn to negotiate, teach him cultural restrictions, behavior in a group, life among other children.
Why does the child fight? Different characters - different reasons
The training "System-Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan allows not only to observe how children play their primary roles, but also to understand the character traits of each child, his natural inclinations, and therefore the reasons for his collisions with others.
I am the first
So, for example, a child with a skin vector is a nimble, resourceful, flexible baby, amazingly agile, slim. He feels like a fish in water on sports horizontal bars and slides. His psyche is also flexible. All aspirations are expressed in benefit / benefit, the main thing for him is prey, he will take everything that is bad, bargain for anything, he will get out of any situation. With the correct development of innate potential, such children are future businessmen, engineers and lawmakers.
Children with the skin vector are always in competition. And a fight for them is a way to prove their superiority or a struggle for possession of something. At a young age, for them such episodes are normal, this is their growth, their development. They learn to take their place in the sun. And the best thing is to let them do it at such a "safe" age. Naturally, under supervision and appropriate explanations, but you can take it calmly.
Desire to hurt
There are, on the contrary, slow and "careful" children. Unhurried, neat. This one will collect everything - book to book, pencil to pencil. Solid, obedient, never lies and loves mom very much. Often clubfoot, such a large "butuz". It will be good to study and read a lot. These are children with an "anal vector". Future professionals in their field. Anyone, whatever you do - from programming to making clothes. Perfectionists who bring every task to the end, to perfection!
By their nature, such children are docile and ill-advised. Fights in their case are most often a signal that education needs to be adjusted. It can be said differently: if there is an element of sadism in a fight, a desire to inflict pain on another, then it is imperative to pay attention to this, no matter at what age it happens.
Only a child with an anal vector in a state of resentment behaves this way. Perhaps he takes revenge on the offender if he thinks that he was treated unfairly, and it will be enough just to confidentially talk to him. A more serious option, when the desire to hurt another becomes a tendency. As a rule, this is a consequence of a strong resentment against mom. And there can be many reasons for this, but they are all associated with a loss of a sense of security and disruption of the normal development of the child. Perhaps a hasty mother constantly urges such a child on because of his natural (!) Slowness, disrupting his natural temporal rhythms, which makes him even more stupid and begins to be stubborn. This can lead to very negative scenarios in the future.
And so on - each of the vectors has its own characteristics. Understanding them helps to track down the causes of fights and help the child to establish positive contact with other children.
School life
Fights at school are no longer the norm, because one cannot say that a child is simply not trained to behave in a group. Most often, such incidents indicate a certain psychological distress of the child. Therefore, it is especially important here to pay attention to the frequency and intensity of fights and, of course, to the child's condition.
This period of life has its own characteristics. Continuing to play out their primitive roles, in the case of insufficiently grafted cultural restrictions, the class can choose a victim for itself, unite against it, and begins to "poison". As a rule, the choice of the victim is not random and also depends on the condition of the child. The child's lack of confidence, fears and complexes make him vulnerable.
Children can sometimes be very cruel. They become capable of adequate interaction in a group with the help of us, adults, and the role of teachers and parents here is enormous.
In each specific case, you need to understand that this is a normal, natural action for a child, or is it worth paying attention to something, changing something in upbringing? To do this, you need to know the latent mental characteristics of each child, how they develop normally and what problems in behavior arise with an erroneous approach, this is exactly what is studied at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
To educate a modern child, it is not enough to understand what he likes from food or what clothes he likes best. It is important to understand his latent mental characteristics in order not to make mistakes. After all, the modern generation has a huge amount of psyche (much greater desires than ours), and mistakes in upbringing can cost us too much. Therefore, it is important to learn how to identify the talents of children and know how to develop them correctly in order to help the child grow up happy. With proper development, the child does not need to achieve what he wants with his fists.
Children's problems can be solved - hundreds of parents have tested it. Read their reviews after undergoing Yuri Burlan's training:
I came to the training because of the crazy problems with the child, which could not be solved and were not solved for about 7 years … Difficult dubious decisions were made at once. The result - the child is not recognized, she is surprised at herself. From a crazy monster - into a sensitive man … The stone fell down to tell what. And before the SVP in those conditions - even through the window … HOW MUCH EASIER and calmer for the children! Asiya Valitova, beautician
Canada Read the full text of the result
You can learn more about the individual approach to raising children at the free online lectures "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan. Registration by link.
