10 facts about parenting a teenager
In the process of growing up, until adolescence, our psyche develops and skills and abilities are developed. After 15 years, we also acquire new skills and abilities, but less effectively …
Fragment of the summary of the Second Level on the topic "Parents and Children":
In the process of growing up, until adolescence, our psyche develops and skills and abilities are developed. After 15 years, we also acquire new skills and abilities, but less effectively. Developing mentally at a sufficient level, we feel a balance between internal and external, a sense of security and safety. Until the age of 15, this feeling is given to us from our parents.
In puberty, everything that has matured inside requires going outside, and by performing an action from the outside, the teenager is already trying to evoke a sense of security and security on his own. When the skills are not yet special, and he tries to use them from the outside, then a sense of security is not formed. But at least he breaks away from mom and dad, begins to take responsibility for his life on himself.
Very often this expresses itself by the fact that the teenager "trains" on the parents. For example, a skin teenager comes home at 12 o'clock and answers mom's questions: "None of your business." The anal begins to criticize his parents, thus using his critical thinking abilities. This is a normal process. The more accurately the child is raised, the less he experiments on his parents.
In addition, in puberty, there are urges for mating games. The girl is stormy with attraction - she ran after the boy, exchanged her mother for him. The boy's head was blown away by sexual development - he dropped out of school, runs after girls. Adults negatively perceive these natural changes: there was a good, obedient, and now bad, naughty, running after the girl. It is not right.
Until recently, our children could not leave the care of adults for a very long time. They got married by the will of their parents. And today: “No, it's none of your business! Where are you going, you do not understand anything, oh, shut up, please! I love him, do you understand? " And we can't do anything.
Previously, children were limited to the yard and the school, everything was easier. Now their range of movement and meeting with other people is much greater. There is the Internet - an additional reality in which there is no framework, it is endless. Moreover, parents are not allowed there. In the courtyard we will find him behind the booth, we know the landscape that we ourselves passed. But on the Internet we are helpless: not every parent is able to adequately adapt the Internet to the same extent as children. It divides us even more, frightens us.
Relationships with teenagers must be trusting. Such relationships are built over the years, over many years, and not at the last moment in puberty. And not the familiar relationship that a skin-visual woman can create, but trusting.
Fear is not conducive to building trust. Because of our fear, we begin to put pressure on the child, and this makes him even more alienated. Will your fears save your child from mistakes? No, the relationship will only get worse. Therefore, trust is necessary …
Continuation of the notes on the forum:
Svetlana Chueva wrote it down. January 5, 2014
A comprehensive understanding of this and other topics is formed on a full oral training in systemic vector psychology.