Treason. Is reconciliation possible?
“No one fully understands how I feel,” says Polina, “the thought that my husband is with her now literally causes me indescribable physical pain. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Now I control myself, then I fall into despair …"
“I'm leaving you,” a voice sounded on the phone. It seems that these were the most terrible words that her husband ever said to Pauline. “It was hard for me to believe in betrayal,” she says. I was always very afraid that my husband would leave for another. And that's exactly what happened."
Polina tried very hard to make their marriage happy; her husband assured that he would never leave her. “We promised each other that we would always be together,” recalls Polina, “no matter what happens. I was sure he was speaking sincerely. And so … he left. I was left all alone. There is not a single living soul nearby - not even a cat!"
“No one fully understands how I feel,” says Polina, “the thought that my husband is with her now literally causes me indescribable physical pain. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Now I control myself, then I fall into despair. Sometimes I miss him very much, and the next day I again remember all his hypocrisy, lies and humiliation that I had to endure."
Avalanche of conflicting feelings
A sea of tears, intense confusion, grief, anxiety, incredible heartache and sleepless nights of family members spent in painful thoughts. What to do? How to proceed? How to live on? You are filled with determination, then tormented by doubts, then you feel anger, then you feel a sense of guilt, then you are ready to believe everything, then you are tormented by suspicions.
It is not uncommon for victims of cheating to feel inferior or think they were a bad husband or wife. The person thinks, “Maybe I'm not attractive enough? Or is there something wrong with me? This is usually followed by feelings of guilt. You blame yourself and think what you did wrong. Mood swings follow: melancholy and depression can come suddenly, like bad weather.
One woman recalls that after her husband left her, not a day passed without tears: “I remember well the first day when I did not cry. This was a few weeks after he left. And only after a few months I could hold out for a week. These days and weeks have become important milestones for me on the path to a new life."
The breakdown of a marriage usually produces a surge of emotion. These emotions can sometimes literally blind a person. Let's try to figure out how to make the right decision in this difficult situation using Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology.
Systemic causes and effects
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains that a person's thinking, behavior and values are influenced by what vector or innate set of mental properties he possesses. There are eight vectors in total: anal, skin, visual and others. Each of the eight vectors determines the desires, thoughts and behavior of its owner. And, accordingly, the optimal approach to solving family problems, including in a situation of betrayal of a husband or wife, will differ depending on how a given person perceives the situation and reacts to it, what are the causes and possible consequences of what happened.
It is extremely difficult for the owners of the anal vector to experience treason and a threat to the family. Such people are the best husbands and wives, loyal, devoted, honest and decent. And they evaluate other people through the prism of their properties, that is, they tend to trust people. By their nature, they are extremely monogamous, they get used to their partner for a long time, but when they get used to, they trust him infinitely. Treason in the mind of a person with an anal vector is equated to betrayal - it's like a knife in the back.
At the same time, a person with an anal vector has a good memory, he is inclined to mentally return to the past. Resentment and guilt are two constant companions. Therefore, upon learning of the betrayal, the anal one harbors a resentment and can cherish dreams of revenge for many years. And at the same time, after betrayal, such a person goes into deep self-delusion about his own guilt in what happened.
A person with an anal vector who has been cheated is filled with a keen sense of being cheated. After all, he invested so much in his marriage, with which he had all his hopes, dreams and plans. He was looking for someone who can truly be trusted and who can always be relied on. And when trust is deceived, everything collapses like a house of cards from the wind.
Adultery inflicts a double blow on the owner of the anal vector. Indeed, in his understanding, a husband and wife are not just two people living under the same roof, but also friends. When difficulties arise, the anal wife, for example, seeks support from her husband. But by betrayal, he not only inflicts a terrible wound on her, but also deprives her of this necessary support. He simultaneously makes her suffer severely and ceases to be the one on whom she so relied.
Who is cheating and why
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that first of all you need to understand your companion. Not in the sense of "understand and forgive", but to understand its mental properties. Spouses, as a rule, have different vectors, because a person is attracted to a partner who has opposite mental properties. Different properties of the spouses are beneficial to their union, since different qualities ensure the stability of this couple in front of external blows.
Often in a person with an anal vector, the marriage partner has a cutaneous vector. The representative of the skin vector is characterized by speed, dexterity, flexibility of mind and body, and a tendency to change. When a leather worker is realized, he is an excellent organizer, engineer, businessman, lawmaker - he changes the external living conditions for a more comfortable life. If there are problems with a change in the environment at work, then he realizes this inclination by changes in his personal life - but simply “walks”.
What to do if, for example, an anal woman got such a husband? Decide that everything is hopeless, that he will constantly look "to the left" and leave? This is the easiest. It is easier than changing yourself, to be always new and interesting for your skin spouse. It is easier than helping him “get on his feet” in social life, to realize himself. So that the novelty factor excites him at work, and not with other women.
Another thing is a person with an anal vector. On the contrary, he seeks stability and does not like changes. If intimate relations in the family suit him, then he will not change. Therefore, you should not deny him intimacy too often, let alone manipulate him - if you do not do this, you will not get sex. Possessing a powerful libido, the anal sex cannot endure endlessly.
The anal-visual man is very amorous. He has the qualities of both the anal vector and the visual one. Spectators are always emotional, kind, loving. He may fall in love with another if he lacks emotional ties with his other half. In this case, it will be torn between two women for a long time. But in his understanding, he will continue to remain faithful, only to be faithful to not one, but two women.
Is reconciliation possible?
It is clear that after betrayal, a person needs to sort out his feelings. What if you are one of those who find it difficult to come to terms with the fait accompli of betrayal, and your spouse, on the contrary, treats the betrayal easily? The temptation to quickly decide that divorce will solve all your problems is great, especially if you and your spouse have had a strained relationship. But how do you know which decision will be correct in your situation?
This will help the knowledge of the mental structure of yourself and your partner, awareness of the reasons and those shortcomings that led the partner to betrayal.
It is worth mentioning that neither divorce nor reconciliation is easy. In addition, forgiving cheating alone will not solve the problems of marriage. It usually takes honest introspection, open communication, and a lot of effort to save a marriage. You need to determine what causes problems in your marriage, what needs to be worked on.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will help you look at the situation differently, from the point of view of other vectors, see the world in its full eight-dimensional volume and clearly understand for yourself whether you need or do not need a relationship with this person, how to be able to part ways with dignity, or how to recreate trust if your partner is really dear to you.
Registration for free online classes in Systemic Vector Psychology at the link:
