How to live after a divorce?
For many, divorce is like an earthquake or tsunami. The usual life is over and it will never be the same again. And this period is especially difficult for women.
What will happen next? Can you provide for yourself and your children? What will it be like for them to grow up in an incomplete family? Will you be able to arrange your personal life?
“How did you do it then? How to live after a divorce? - you will be asked one day.
You will smile, think for a moment and tell your amazing story about how you survived this difficult time, overcame all difficulties and managed to build a new happy life after a divorce.
It will sound like a fairy tale. And yet it is possible. It is possible to cope with the emotions raging in you, with material issues and the difficulties of raising children. It is possible to find the strength to say goodbye to the past and build a happy future. And this article will help you with that.
What's going on with you?
For many, divorce is like an earthquake or tsunami. The usual life is over and it will never be the same again. And this period is especially difficult for women.
If in marriage you felt strong and confident, then after a divorce you feel helpless and look to the future with great concern.
What will happen next? Can you provide for yourself and your children? What will it be like for them to grow up in an incomplete family? Can you arrange your personal life?
Where does this discomfort come from?
The fact is that a woman gets a sense of security and safety from the man she belongs to. For millennia, we lived according to the same scenario - a man protected and fed his woman and children, it was impossible for a woman to survive without a husband.
Fortunately, today a woman can provide for herself and her children according to the male principle - working, realizing herself among other people. And she understands: "I know how to benefit society and will not be lost." Nevertheless, she feels as balanced as possible if, in addition to being realized in society, she is in full-fledged pair relations.
Therefore, divorce is an ordeal for women. And depending on their mental characteristics, everyone experiences this stage of their life in their own way.
Resentment, looping, living in the past
Divorce is very difficult for people whom Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology defines as the owners of the anal vector. Family for them is the highest value. Everything related to the past is very important - this is how their psyche works. Even if married life has become a living hell, the owners of the anal vector of both sexes do not want to divorce. They get used to their spouse, divorce is especially painful for them.
Men with an anal vector often think about how to get their wife back after a divorce, persecute their ex, and prevent them from living in peace. Women act like women, but in the same spirit.
And if the owner of the anal vector is also changed, it is perceived by her as betrayed, abandoned, exchanged, and the suffering increases a hundredfold. The woman literally cannot think of anything else, she is focused on her trouble. Divorce, ex-husband, his new passion - this becomes the only field of her interests.
In order not to get stuck in this state for years, you need to understand objectively what happened, why your relationship slipped into divorce, why a loved one once did that. See your whole story and through his eyes.
“How can you understand that? He's just a scoundrel and a scoundrel! - you say, not wishing to understand and forgive anyone.
This understanding and forgiveness will come by itself, without effort and resistance, bringing you great relief when you understand how your ex-husband differs from you, how his psyche works, what his system of values and innate desires is. This understanding can be obtained thanks to the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
The psychology of attraction
The fact is that people with different vectors are attracted to marriage. Their psyche is arranged in different ways, which means that they see everything differently, want different things and demand different things from each other. Everyone sees everything through themselves, and relationships too. We are trying to remake each other, to convey our opinion to our partner, but this only outrages him - after all, he also feels only himself, sees his own picture of the world and demands his own. As a result, we pull the blanket over ourselves, move away from each other, we come to a divorce.
Everything changes when you begin to understand the structure of the human psyche - the features of the eight vectors. You will be able to see another person not through yourself, but as if through his eyes. And you will immediately understand why everything turned out the way it was, why you came to a divorce. You will understand how to fix everything, to prevent such a development of events in the future.
The consequence of this understanding is the disappearance of offenses. The desire to take revenge and fight, to sarcast and tease disappears, and the relationship with the ex is leveled. This is a very important result for both the woman and the children (if any), for the restoration of mental comfort, calmness and balance after a divorce.
The pain of separation: how to find yourself in life after a divorce
Divorce, separation is a small death for a person with a visual vector.
The love stories about which novels are written and films are made are vivid examples of what kind of love the owners of the visual vector are capable of. For them, love is the meaning of life.
But if a person emotionally focuses on himself, and not on the object of love, then instead of a love story, we get a story about emotional dependence.
We think that we love, that "together it is impossible, but apart in any way." Divorce is painful that we often cannot bear. Some couples converge and disperse many times, bringing each other to nervous exhaustion. How to stop loving - asks a woman tired of a relationship that has come to a standstill.
The way out of this trap is to figure out what's really going on, what is the nature of emotional addiction, and how it differs from true love. When you stop confusing these two states, you will already feel significant relief and understanding of what is happening.
To live happily after divorce
No matter how hard it is at first to live after a divorce, you move on. This means you get a chance to build a happy relationship, a chance to find your soul mate - a person with whom you can be happy. Building new relationships without mistakes based on love and understanding is an opportunity that becomes a reality with the help of system-vector psychology.
By the way, about future relationships. Often, after a divorce, we choose a partner for honors - the previous husband was greedy, and this one was generous. The former drank, but this one does not. By paying attention to the lack of flaws that plagued in the previous marriage, we may not notice other flaws, perhaps even more serious. Instead, you should understand yourself and your desires, understand what you really want from the relationship, and consciously choose the person with whom you can actually create a happy couple.
Letting go of the past and understanding who you really need, how to find this person, how to recognize him, you can already on free online lectures on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register using the link.
