Tantrums. Why does it create problems where there are none?
"How to calm her down?" - husbands are tormented at the moment when she screams. "How to prevent this from happening in the future?" - they suffer when the hysteria is over. At the same time, the wife is sleeping peacefully, and the husband, disturbed by the scandal, nervously smokes in the kitchen.
How to achieve rapport with your wife and breathe new life into your relationship?
"You do not love me!" "How wrong I was in you!" "You do not care!" "How I hate you!"
Everything happens according to the usual scenario, but always unexpected for me. It literally explodes out of the blue. Just now she was humming something so sweetly under her breath, and now there was a cry, tears, her face was red. Insults fly in the face, one more painful than the other, children's toys, clothes, dishes. Everything that comes to hand.
Once I dodged a saucer flying at me. I saved my head, but a mirror broke behind my back. “It's unfortunate! It's all because of you! That time she slammed the door and went to her friend. For a week.
I myself am quiet, calm, decent, patient. I do not change, my salary is good, they respect me at work. And I can't understand what is my fault? What am I doing wrong? I try to be a good husband and father. I am. All to the house. Everything for the family. I love her and children. They are the most important thing in my life. I don't need much: warmth, comfort, family hearth.
She screams, then calms down, then fawns: “I love you. Sorry. I don't know what came over me. And then again. Round. Hysterics - reconciliation - hysteria.
What to do?
"How to calm her down?" - husbands are tormented at the moment when she screams. "How to prevent this from happening in the future?" - they suffer when the hysteria is over. At the same time, the wife is sleeping peacefully, and the husband, disturbed by the scandal, nervously smokes in the kitchen.
The Internet and acquaintances suggest “not to be fooled” by the scandal, not to break the dishes, but to turn the wife's attention to something else. For example, kiss him to death. And the next day, confess my love, give her flowers and a diamond ring. There is some truth in these tips, they sometimes help. But very little time passes, and everything starts anew. It becomes obvious that neither gifts, nor words, nor shouts will help the cause. More effective and radical methods are needed.
Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology will help you figure out how to achieve mutual understanding with your wife and breathe new life into your relationship.
Not all women can throw tantrums, but only the owners of the visual vector. They are sensual, delicate women who appreciate beauty in all its forms. They cry, empathizing with the heroes of their favorite films and books. For them, the main thing in life is love. As system-vector psychology says, they comprehend their lives through love. A visual woman cannot help but feel. She experiences emotions always and everywhere: at an exhibition, in a movie, at home in the kitchen, in a conversation with a friend, at work and even in line at the checkout. Because it gives her great pleasure to experience emotions.
How so? - You ask. - If love is the main thing for her, then why does she, instead of giving me care and tenderness, roll up scandals and tantrums?
Would you agree that when she throws a tantrum, she becomes like a small child? Indeed, hysteria is like a small return to childhood. When a person with a visual vector does not realize his full potential, he falls into a feeling of unaccountable fear, which pours out in hysterics. The fact is that every visual child is born with an innate fear of death. This is the first human emotion that has gradually evolved and transformed into such wonderful creative feelings - love, empathy, empathy and empathy. Depending on whether a person with a visual vector has managed to develop and fill his feelings, he will love and empathize or, conversely, demand self-love, worry and throw tantrums.
The more a visual woman is afraid, the more she demands attention to herself. The more often there will be tantrums, tears, scandals. You can read more about this here.
Emotional blackmail
Constant scandals from scratch, unfounded accusations led to the fact that I became completely indifferent to her. I tolerate her tantrums, her antics only for the sake of children. Even when she threatens to do something to herself, I am indifferent. Such spoiled selfish women will not do anything with themselves. I'm tired of her far-fetched tragedies, and nothing else fumbles inside me. Only my heart began to play pranks. And the stomach. As she starts her hurdy-gurdy, everything inside me contracts, as if someone invisible is squeezing me from the inside with his fist.
Unfortunately, it also happens that the visual vector is in bad conditions. For example, in childhood, a visual girl was frightened, and she did not manage to fully grow out of fears, now it is difficult for her to create warm emotional ties in a relationship. Either she simply lost the ability to realize her emotions, or is temporarily in lower states as a result of over-stress. And then the spectator does not give emotions to people, but begs them for herself by any means: tears, hysteria, manipulation, blackmail, demonstrative attempts to commit suicide.
Let us recall that, as Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology says, fear is the first emotion that a visual person experiences. If it happened that as a child he did not manage to transform this fear into love, then all the emotions that he experiences will be poisoned by fear: the fear of death, darkness, airplanes, spiders, fear of loneliness.
Imagine that there is a small animal inside you who is afraid of everything. He is constantly shaking with a premonition of trouble. In addition, this animal has a rich visual imagination from birth. He constantly thinks that he is not loved, he is being cheated, and they are going to leave him. And then he will be left alone with his loneliness and tremendous fear, which will eat him from the inside.
In a panic, she is ready for anything to get emotions, confirmation that she is loved, that she will not be abandoned, that she is not indifferent to her family. Unfortunately, it always ends in sadness. Relatives are exhausted to the limit, they get tired of proving their love and sympathy in all imaginable and inconceivable ways. Few can withstand the daily storms and avalanches of emotions of such a visual woman. They are like a fire in the steppe: they burn everything around for many years. And as a result, the hysterical visual woman gets what she was afraid of - a really indifferent husband to her.
You can read more about this here.
Within four walls
We loved each other so much, were happy, made plans. Then it seemed to be replaced. When? How? Why from a romantic, sensitive girl she turned into a hysterical woman ?! Constant mood swings, tears, accusations.
She can chirp for hours on the phone with her friends and ignore me for weeks. She finds time for a hairdresser, a cafe and socializing with friends, but does not find the strength for children. She nags me for the fact that we “don't go anywhere”, that she's tired of everything, that she can't stand me for a single minute. But what about the house? Children?
And no matter what I do, it's not like that. Whatever he said, good or bad, in response to hysteria. They devastate me. After them in the house and in the soul - like a scorched field.
The emotions that nature gave to the visual people in abundance require living at the peak. They can be lived as love, or as an endless emotional storm with countless victims - it depends on how much a person is able to realize his feelings.
Imagine heating soup in a saucepan with a tightly screwed lid. It starts to boil, gurgle, steam rips off the lid, and the soup pours everything around. Not only is there no lunch, but also the stove will have to be washed. Likewise, feelings that are not given an outlet. They wander inside, boil and eventually overflow. With screams, scandal, smashing dishes.
The same happens with visual women who, for one reason or another, cannot fully realize their emotional potential. For example, after the birth of a child, such a woman stays at home. Her once large, colorful, ever-changing vibrant world has narrowed down to a children's room, kitchen and clinic. No work, no communication with colleagues and girlfriends, no joint appearances. There is no time and energy for cinema, books, theater.
Or a job change. For example, she used to work as a designer or public relations specialist where her visual sense of beauty and visual ability to connect with people were in demand. And now, due to certain circumstances, she retrained as an accountant or analyst. All day alone in a small room with papers, reports, boring numbers. No people, no emotion, just a silent laptop screen and a coffee maker in the corner. It is only natural that now she needs to make up for the lack of communication and emotions.
Often, such visual women do not even really understand what is happening to them. They only know that everything was fine before, but now everything is not so. And what exactly they do not know. Only fears and flashes of emotions rushing inside, which they cannot find use, make themselves felt in the form of constant anxiety, winding themselves up from scratch, tears and tantrums.
However, hysterics bring her relief only for a short moment: they help relieve tension, fear, anxiety, but they do not release her feelings, which continue to remain walled up inside her heart under the yoke of fear and doubt. Throwing tantrums is like scooping up the sea with a teaspoon for her.
The most effective and effective method for her is the awareness of her innate desires and properties and their full realization. Only then it turns out to shift the point of attention from oneself to other people, only then it turns out not to be afraid for oneself, but to sincerely love another. And taste the real joy of life and love, and not a surrogate of feelings mixed with longing and despair.
If the visual woman understands what exactly is happening to her, then she can solve this problem by finding the realization of her innate properties. It can be not only a job change or expanding a circle of friends, but also a visual hobby. For example, photography, painting, design. And even better is feasible help for those who need empathy and sympathy.
Many people with visual vector have found themselves in volunteer organizations that support the poor, the sick, the elderly and children. Do not be afraid that she will give part of her feelings to those in need, because this will help her develop the skill of bringing feelings out, shifting the focus of attention from herself and her problems and experiences to other people. This means that both you and your children will get more of her attention, care and love than it was in those days when she could not find a way out for the feelings boiling inside her.
You can read more about this here.
How to return love and peace to a family?
There is no need to despair.
The first and most important step has already been taken. You have read this article to the end, and now you begin to understand what is happening with your wife and your relationship, which means that her unreasonable behavior will not hurt you as much as before. Now you know that in moments of hysteria, she is just a little capricious visual child who wants love and attention, but does not know how to get it. She wants to love, but she can't or can't. Because once in her childhood she was not lucky enough to learn how to manage her emotions, of which there are so many inside her. You just need not to be offended by her, because they are not angry or offended at small children. And reach out to her, help her realize and realize her emotional and sensory potential.
Remember, any visual woman will delight:
A joint trip to an exhibition, cinema or theater for a good drama performance. After all, contemplating the beautiful together and empathizing with the heroes of the play, you align your feelings and hearts, which begin to beat in unison.
- Romantic dinner and intimate conversation by candlelight when the lights are dim. Indeed, at dusk, her emotions are exacerbated. She likes it when everything on the table is not only tasty, but also elegant, because beauty gives her a positive attitude. She likes it when you two are together, and there is only you, She and your feelings. Talk to her about what is interesting to her, discuss books and films and open up yourself - tell her about yourself so that she gets to know you even better. After all, it also happens that people live together for 20 years, but they never recognize each other.
- Take what she says to you seriously, do not take her words as “idle chatter” because she says what she really thinks and feels. Know how not only to listen to what she says, but also speak yourself. Indeed, very often it seems to emotional visual women that the husband does not show feelings enough simply because he is silent and calm. However, it is intimate conversations that create closeness between you, so do not skimp on words.
- Talk not just about household chores, but about something that will be important for the two of you. Talk about your childhood. Memories of childhood build trust and bondage between you. After all, childhood memories are the brightest, most powerful. When she can tell you about them, you will become a special person for her, initiated into her secrets, her little secrets. And then she no longer wants to go shopping with her friends and “coo” with them for two hours on the phone. She will not be so interested in this, because she will know that she has a much greater connection and intimacy with you than with any friend.
- Talk to her about your feelings, surprise her. Surprise her more often, because people with a visual vector love pleasant surprises. Let it be something special that will bring you together emotionally, become your shared secret.
-
Women's tantrums Write her love notes on the fridge or text her when you're at work. Breathe new life into your senses. Let her fully feel your care, your warmth, your participation in her life. The rapprochement is greatly facilitated by some kind of joint hobby, which will, on the one hand, expand the boundaries of your common world, and on the other hand, will give you the opportunity to direct your efforts in one direction, and this is very important for family life. Being able to coordinate your actions is the foundation of a happy relationship. And so, imperceptibly for yourself, you will feel that you are already thinking about the same thing with her, say the same phrases, and you can even guess what she wants in 5 minutes.
- When you open up to her from a new side, she will finally be able to move the point of attention from herself to you. When she knows your life better, she will want to do something pleasant for you, inspire you to accomplishments, help implement your ideas.
Tantrums, fears and breaking dishes are a thing of the past for hundreds of beautiful women:
For a man, a woman is a source of pleasure. Sometimes we start to see a woman as a problem because we don't understand how to make her happy. But if we know what she needs, then by giving her this, we will get much more in return. After all, when a woman is happy, a man is doubly happy.
Come to the cycle of free online lectures on systemic vector psychology, rediscover each other and unravel the secret of a happy relationship together. Register here.
