Broken Relationships: Leave or Save?
Since when did it all go wrong? Only yesterday you were firmly convinced of the inviolability of your union and the lightness of a common future.
In the end, through joint efforts, you have removed the last obstacles to living together.
“Damn him! Fuck this relationship, I hate him! - thoughts rushed like arrows in my head while you nervously pulled suitcases out of the closet, throwing them in the middle of the room. Anger and rage instilled confidence and added vigorous determination to your chaotic movements along the wardrobe-suitcase route.
Each thing thrown into the suitcase was accompanied by a rhythmic throw and the saying "let him go" in order to maintain this determination at the proper level. It is possible that the fuse would have been enough for the entire supply of countless rags, if you had not grabbed the dress, which at one moment destroyed an indestructible fighting spirit a second ago. You were in that dress the day you first met, which undoubtedly gave him magical powers.
In an instant, your body went limp, your knees buckled, and you slowly sank to the floor, clutching a piece of cloth like one drowning in a straw. After resisting the tears for a while, you finally gave up and indulged in sobs, which both increased self-pity and brought relief.
I really wanted him to be at home and witness this woeful memorial service for the dead relationship. So that it also becomes unbearably painful for him to lose what life has endowed you with, as you together believed until recently.
And it all started so well
How did it happen? Since when did it all go wrong? Only yesterday you were firmly convinced of the inviolability of your union and the lightness of a common future. You were dying from one of his eyes, full of desire and love. He always wanted you. You felt it in every touch and enjoyed your femininity, which invariably blossoms under the onslaught of insane caresses and mutual desire.
In moments of forced separation, all kinds of communications were rescued. In endless messages and calls, you only once again became convinced of the need to be together forever. In the end, through joint efforts, you have removed the last obstacles to living together. I remember then you thought that, apparently, this is what real happiness looks like, and I could not believe that there were forces that could destroy it.
We wanted the best, but it turned out as always
It turned out that you two were enough to turn happiness into the suffering of two martyrs. Almost immediately after you moved in, everything went wrong. The most offensive thing was that in that still fabulous life, you together condemned stupid people who allow everyday issues to interfere with personal life. Like, you’re smart enough not to let any nonsense affect the most important thing that you have.
Dali. And the mind was directed not to avoid conflicts, but to stinging remarks in order to hurt each other more painfully. This only fueled the irritation that you did not even try to hide.
But that was not the worst thing. On these thoughts you calmed down, as if listening to the beating of your heart, and burying your face in your dress, you sobbed more than ever. It seems to you that he no longer wants you, that he ignores you, even if you dance naked in front of him. That he does not respond to kisses, does not say tender words and, in principle, does not seem to notice you. And he no longer looks at you with eyes full of adoration as before.
It is impossible to put up with it, it is impossible not to pay attention. You understand that by hysterics you only make it worse, that he closes in himself even more, but you also cannot control yourself when you see his detached look.
Start over
You were sitting exhausted on the floor among the open suitcases - a symbol of your failed happiness. It was so painful and bitter that even tears dried up from despair and a silent oblivion set in, as if in a vacuum. My head was spinning from constant thoughts and efforts to understand what was happening. It was unbearable to think. Getting up and collecting things is also unbearable. Without him, you will die, but next to him you risk going crazy.
You woke up from the jingle of keys. He entered, stood on the threshold for a minute and, without saying a word, began to hang things back into the closet. After that he took your hand and, squeezing it tightly, brought it to his lips. He stared at you with a silent supplication, and there were tears in his eyes. Your heart was breaking with pity for yourself, him and your love. Hope perked up in your soul, not for the first time, but you grabbed onto it, like a dress recently, with a willingness to believe that right now you will be able to start over.
How to understand you?
You can be understood. No one is ready to just take and give up love, especially when they taste this happiness from mutual feelings. It's like giving a blind person from birth and taking it away forever again. We all want to be happy, and that's okay.
And here you are again giving a chance to your relationship, which has gone through more than one clinical death. Do you think that since he didn't let you go, then he needs you? Undoubtedly. And you hope that he will change and become the same as he was once, realizing that he can lose you? Here it is doubtful. You reason the way you would feel and act in the same situation. But you have no idea what he is thinking.
This is why you are failing. And it's not about domestic strife: behind any conflict, from the most insignificant to the most serious, there is an elementary misunderstanding of each other.
But what does it mean to understand another person? Not in the sense to understand WHAT he says and does, but to understand WHY he does and says it. To understand, because to know his real desires, hidden behind rationalizations and attempts to pass on wishful thinking. To know about him what he himself may not even guess.
Beautifully about love
Is this achievable? Yes, if you know about Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology.
Do you remember how he admired your kindness and delicate mental organization? How did you say that he came to life next to you and even himself became a little kinder, because you are as if woven from sunlight? You were the first with whom he allowed himself to be frank, which was amazing for him. He envied your ability to express your feelings and experience emotions for any reason.
People with a visual vector leave such an impression of themselves. The visual vector is a guide to the world of love and beauty. It helps to notice the slightest changes in the state of a dear person and to love as others are unable. This undoubtedly causes a whole flurry of sensations, and in order not to go crazy under their onslaught, you are given to experience an incredible range of emotions, which you generously share with others.
For you, love is a value, the meaning of life. You know the art of regularly falling in love with all your might and easily involve the object of love in a cycle of emotional experiences with a touch of romance and drama. In these moments you enjoy life.
Is silence a sign of indifference?
Problems begin when the response begins to wane. According to the logic of your perception, the fading of feelings looks like this: you love - you demonstrate feelings, you do not love - you do not demonstrate.
Like any spectator who is not used to hiding his feelings, it is difficult for you to pretend that nothing is happening. Plus, a rich imagination begins to exaggerate around his sudden coldness. It doesn't matter that he is clearly trying to make your newly-made life together as comfortable as possible. You are not up to comfort when you do not hear the words of love and do not see signs of attention.
You feel bad, it hurts and you want to cry. And the more you cry, the less he understands you. Soon he stops responding to tantrums altogether, he just looks at you with sad bewilderment and silently leaves.
You can understand his bewilderment, because everything looks great from his side. He did everything he promised, you began to live together, and he sincerely does not understand the reason for your tears.
Unlike you, he has no visual vector, and accordingly he looks at love differently. In general, the concept of love in each vector is different, and such sublimely idealistic, as in the films, exists only in the visual category. The rest have a more or less mundane attitude to this. And the fact that he does not look at you with immeasurable admiration and does not hold your hand every minute does not mean that he has ceased to love you.
welcome to my world
What's going on with him? Why does he behave this way?
Remember why he seemed so special to you then? He was so different from the others. The world seemed to freeze around when he began to speak. It seemed that he knew absolutely everything and was so interesting and unusually able to talk about life that you opened your eyes wide in admiration - similar thoughts never even crossed your mind.
However, his attitude to life was both frightening and thought-provoking. As if the material world was of secondary importance to him. It was so extraordinary and mysterious that you were drawn to comprehend and solve it more and more.
And the answer lies in the sound vector. It is thanks to him that he is so deep and original, but at the same time restrained and closed in himself. You realized this even then, having noticed that he rarely talks about his feelings. But that didn't bother you - he knew how to express his attitude towards you without words, so that there was no doubt about it.
Stay with me so I don't see you
It began to bother you only after you began to live together. Just like his detachment and indifference, which were not at all included in your ideas about living together. Attempts to attract attention only made the situation worse. He went into himself so much that it seemed to you that he was only physically present.
This is the flip side of the sound vector. In other words, everything that so attracted and attracted, now frightens and repels. But there is nothing terrible, it's just that sound engineers tend to focus in search of answers to questions that are far from the room where you are sitting, the city and even this reality.
Yes, he does not want to talk and, perhaps, wants sex less, but that does not mean that he no longer loves. He still needs you and even more than usual, but in a completely different, if not strange, format. Strange for you, an open and emotional person, but he is no worse and no better, he is different. At such moments, silence and your understanding presence is all he needs.
Understanding is the key to success
You are far from the only one who was filled with hopes of love to the grave at the very beginning of a relationship, when you both seem to be ideal people for each other. You seem to be, because you are not interested in revealing your shortcomings, wanting to create a serious relationship. And this is a completely justified concealment - otherwise very few would reach the registry office.
But there would be many more happy couples if they knew about the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. Imagine how many quarrels and conflicts could have been avoided if you knew that he has a sound vector, and you have a visual one. That these two vectors are attracted to each other, despite such conflicting properties. That he does not know how and will not violently express his feelings, although under an impenetrable mask hides a whole volcano of passion. The moment of grinding in the joint living conditions would be reduced to zero.
There are already a lot of such couples who have been trained by Yuri Burlan and have risen to a new level of mutual understanding and love. You can read and hear about this on the portal of system-vector psychology in the reviews section.
On the verge of a new love
Horoscopes, common interests and other fortune-telling for compatibility have long been outdated. Today we are reaching a new level of self-knowledge, and at the same time, relations in a couple begin to develop in a completely different way.
With the help of system-vector psychology, you realize that besides you there is another person and he has his own desires. But this commonplace phrase would not be worth anything if you did not know exactly what desires. You no longer have to guess, speculate and assume, you know quite clearly what he wants and even what he thinks.
The unconscious is one at all, and the fact that you understand it at this level, he will definitely feel. It's incredibly close. We sift out lies, pretense, manipulation through the sieve of systemic thinking and in the bottom line we get crystal clear, like a diamond, and the same strong relationship.
We have touched on a small fraction of the features through a couple of vectors here and their impact on relationships. This is a tiny fraction of the entire incredible body of knowledge about the eight vectors of the psyche. You can find out in detail about some of them at the next free online lectures by Yuri Burlan, for which you can register using the link.
