What if the child does not want to learn?
My child does not want to study. We've tried everything. Punished, forbidden, encouraged. He does not listen to anyone - neither parents nor teachers. The last hope is you, a psychologist. Tell him to start learning! He's just lazy, make him take his mind!
My child does not want to study. We've tried everything. Punished, forbidden, encouraged. He does not listen to anyone - neither parents nor teachers. The last hope is you, a psychologist. Tell him to start learning! He's just lazy, make him take his mind!
Eh, why aren't psychologists given a magic wand? Parents so hope that an aunt, unfamiliar to the child, will tell him something at one time that he will become passionate about doing his homework and turn into an excellent student.
Often, the psychologist's attempts to find the true reason for the child's reluctance to learn and even a hint towards adults - what they are doing wrong in his upbringing - lead to the fact that the parents conclude that psychology and the psychologist himself are incompetent.
Meanwhile, without understanding the deep reasons for the child's behavior, the behavior of the parents, it will not be possible to resolve the issue of the child's unwillingness to learn. This is only an external manifestation of a problem hidden from view. The sprout that sprouted. But from what seed, the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan helps a modern psychologist to learn.
It's not just a child
Note that the problem "my child does not want to study" is not addressed by those parents whose children are skipping school, do not do their homework, spend time on the street without restrictions. Those parents have their own busy life, in which the question of how their child learns is of little importance. These are the two extremes of parents: from complete indifference to the child's academic success to total control over each grade. In either case, the child most often has a hard time, and what consequences this will cause in the development of the child depends on his vectors (innate properties of the psyche). It happens that everything is in order, but often it is not.
Why do parents choose this or that parenting method? That's right, their choice is most often based on their ideas about correctness, on good intentions and depends on their inner state. Over-care and over-control is a kind of compensation for their mental deficiencies by the parents through the child. That is, with the help of a child, parents get, most often without realizing, what they receive less in school life. So, an anal mom or grandmother sits at home, does not realize herself as a professional in her field, or some of them do not have a personal life, and then I want to compensate for the lack of realization of their own desires through a child, making him and his success the meaning of his life, sometimes the only one the meaning of their existence.
It's great when parents are self-sufficient people who know themselves and know how to relieve stress without sublimation on the child. Free lectures on systemic vector psychology, in particular, are one of the most effective ways to help parents realize their mental deficits and, without prejudice to others, learn to relieve internal stress and dissatisfaction with life.
No freedom - no responsibility
A child is a small person. Parents need to provide the child with two important things for his full development: a sense of security and safety and an understanding of his internal mental characteristics. Every year the child grows up, acquires new skills, skills necessary for him for adult life. The task of the parents is to help in the passage of socialization, the growing up of the child, and not to hinder it.
He should be given the opportunity to be independent and be responsible for his choice. Teach to read, not read to the child himself. Teach you to solve problems, not solve yourself. Teach you how to do your homework yourself, not do it yourself and not turn homework into a living hell for yourself and your child.
Already from childhood, provide the baby with his space, explain his duties and support their implementation with the correct approval. That is, you do not need to encourage a cat with a bone, like a dog, and then wait for gratitude and take offense in case of displeasure or refusal of your encouragement. System-vector psychology in this also helps not to be mistaken. Differentiation of children according to their innate vectors allows educators to choose ways of encouragement that are meaningful for the child.
From outside to inside
The general diagnosis “the child does not want to learn” has different reasons for different children. At the same time, the root of the problem is the existing relationship between the child and his caregivers.
We do not choose children, as they do parents. Moreover, their innate properties may differ from ours, and they are not us at all in the structure of their psychic, in the range of their abilities. Choosing a school for them through themselves, a circle is a direct way for the child to hate learning. And there are so many different external factors that contribute to the extinction of the desire to learn from modern children: the priority of mass culture, the quality of education, non-professional teachers, a degrading society, etc.
It is difficult to find a good school suitable for a child, but when you know the inner characteristics of your child, it is easy to make the right choice. Send a skin-visual boy to learn dancing, playing the guitar, not karate. A sensual, gentle, emotional boy will perfectly be able to reveal his natural potential in creativity and will be completely out of work in classes that require other qualities: masculinity, physical strength, patience, the ability to hit another person.
To summarize the above: if a child does not want to learn, it is necessary to work both with himself and with his parents. Sometimes a change in parental ideas about their own child completely solves the problem, they begin to see not the child they have drawn for themselves, but a real child with its strengths and weaknesses. They stop demanding from him what is beyond his capabilities. Jumping over your head is unrealistic and dangerous for the child's psyche.
Parents always have a choice: to continue to be sophisticated, to be smart about their child in order to get the results they need in their studies, and to hope that such tricks will be painless for the child's psyche, or spend time studying psychology, to understand yourself and your baby, become his assistant on the difficult path of growing up, finding a worthy place in this world.
