Caution - obedient child! Happiness or Broken Life?
It would seem, what is the problem? Perfect baby! Well, let him listen, parents will not wish bad. It will be good to study, he will not get into a bad company, he will be busy with business, and not with any nonsense. An obedient child is very convenient … for a parent! It's very nice … for mom! It's good … for dad! And how proud grandmother is of her golden granddaughter! …
Reasons for obedience. How dangerous is it for the future?
A cute girl with bows, dressed the way her mother likes, holds on to her mother's hand and tries to keep up with her, sometimes glancing at her mother to make sure she is doing everything right. “Mom, am I obedient? Are you friends with me? Do you love me?" - the usual questions of the golden girl herself, her mother's favorite, the little angel. For any decision or action, she needs her mother's approval, she will never do anything without permission, and even more so, in spite of her parents.
It would seem, what is the problem? Perfect baby! Well, let him listen, parents will not wish bad. It will be good to study, he will not get into a bad company, he will be busy with business, and not with any nonsense. An obedient child is very convenient … for a parent! It's very nice … for mom! It's good … for dad! And how proud grandmother is of her golden granddaughter!..
And what about the granddaughter? What does he like doing his homework, cleaning the room or playing the piano? Perhaps he just loves to be good, loves praise and approval? How to consider the child himself for exemplary behavior and excellent diligence? What does he want, what does he prefer, what gives him joy, what fills him, what are his true desires? Mom's dream of becoming a pianist, grandmother's love for cleanliness, dad's desire for excellent studies … and where, in fact, is the child?
When the kid does not obey, the parents grab their heads, look for reasons, delve into the methods of education, read pedagogical literature. If the child is obedient, everyone just rejoices, relaxes and takes the opportunity to rest on the teacher's laurels, because everything goes like clockwork. Or not?
Any behavior has its own reasons, and children behave openly, sincerely showing their innate properties, and it depends only on the way of upbringing how these properties will be able to develop before the end of puberty.
Obedience is also a manifestation of psychological characteristics. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains that this is how the child's anal vector manifests itself. The kid enjoys the praise. When combined with visual properties, the desire to “be good” becomes even more expressive, implicated in emotions.
It is important for an anal baby to receive praise, for him it is restoring balance - an even square. He made an effort - received recognition as a reward for his small victory. For him, this means that he did not work in vain, that his efforts were not in vain, that the work was credited, capitalized and appreciated perfectly. Only in this case, you can proceed to the next case.
Complete with a visual vector, every lack of pleasure is universal grief, and every praise is unprecedented happiness. Any emotion is experienced at its peak, hence all the questions about love, friendship, protection, instant tears if mom is unhappy, or a radiant smile when he "became a good boy" again.
There is nothing wrong with the obedience of the analo-visual child as such. This is how his worldview, character, personality is manifested. The danger here is different. Such a child is a very convenient and seductive object for parental manipulation.
Mistakenly believing that praise is a harmless incentive, mom and dad often speculate with it to get the child's desired behavior. In especially sad cases, scarecrows or threats in the style of "leave you here" or "uncle will take you away" are added, which cause great harm to the psyche of the visual child.
Mother's habitual “do this, then you will be good” is not really an educational moment for an anal-visual baby, but it can form a complex of a good boy, which determines a negative life scenario for an adult.
Mom, am I good? How the desire to be a good girl overshadows your own desires
Praise is actually quite potent that it is easy to overdose and get the opposite effect. Feeling undeserved praise is just as painful as the lack of it.
Yuri Burlan's trainings on system-vector psychology show in detail why balance is extremely important in the case of an anal child. He is in himself obedient and diligent. Yes, such a child loves to learn, yes, he is pleased to obey and follow all parental instructions, yes, he is consistent and scrupulous. He just is what he is. Only praising and manipulating the desired recognition does not contribute in any way to the development of the innate psychological properties of the child.
Parental authority for a baby with an anal vector always remains high, what mom or dad said is an indisputable truth, so the child will not argue. Trying his best to please his mother, the child forgets / relegates his own desires. Mom's "Wishlist" become the main ones in his life, a complex of a good girl / boy is being formed.
A belief is formed in the child's psyche that “being good” means only one thing - to please the mother. And only then will he receive the desired praise. Only this behavior will be considered correct.
Thus, the already increased mother's dependence, passivity, lack of initiative in the anal child increases. Such an erroneous upbringing provides the only direction for activity - the satisfaction of the interests of the parents, relegating the child's own interests to the background.
The good boy / girl complex does not give the child the opportunity to prove himself in any other way, except in obedience and satisfaction of his mother's desires. I did as my mother said - received praise. Everything is simple and passive. Dead end in development.
As a result, his life is reduced to striving to please someone, in any way, just to "become good" again. Subsequently, the place of mom and dad is taken by girlfriends, classmates, classmates, work colleagues, bosses, husband or wife, own children, and so on.
The child is so trusting, obedient, flexible and passive that everyone uses him. They can be manipulated by all and sundry!
Being a mother of an obedient child is a big responsibility for his fate
Raising an obedient child is a great art, a daily struggle against the temptation to let everything take its course, to plunge into parental laziness instead of painstaking work of the mind. There is a very thin line between the natural obedience of the anal-visual child and the parental manipulation of praise, and it depends only on the parent how not to cross it. In this regard, the relevance of the systemic psychological literacy of parents cannot be overestimated.
Based on the innate psychological properties of the baby, with the help of reasonable, precisely dosed praise, you can orient, direct the child in the direction where his development is going.
Parental approval, recognition, praise must be present in the upbringing of an anal baby, but only for really significant achievements that require a significant investment of effort, time and effort. For example, if a three-year-old child can be praised for dressing himself completely, but praising a seven-year-old child for this no longer makes sense.
Any child's initiative should be welcomed and help the child bring it to fruition. Encouraging all the beginnings of a baby can stimulate him to search for new ideas in the very area that interests him. The child must be taught to enjoy the realization of his own innate properties, and not from the praise for obedience.
Initiative, independence, consistency, attention to detail, the ability to bring things to an end, well-done work, neatness and cleanliness are qualities that can and should be approved and developed in an anal child. Only in this case will he be able to subsequently realize himself in adult life and do it for the benefit of society and a feeling of deep fulfillment for himself.
The most detrimental effect on a child with an anal vector is haste, deprivation of the opportunity to finish any of his activities (finish, finish reading, finish eating, go to the toilet), lack of deserved praise and insults or accusations of slowness, and the like.
Many listeners of Yuri Burlan's training in system-vector psychology in their interviews talk about the mistakes of upbringing that have become a problem in relationships with children. At the same time, they consider the main result to be the discovery of their child, the establishment of relationships, an increase in the level of trust and mutual understanding in the family, a completely new approach to education, communication, interaction between parents and children.
An obedient child does not need to be taught to obey, he knows how and loves to do it. The main thing is that obedience does not turn into an all-consuming desire to please - a good boy / girl complex. In this case, he will become an easy victim of any kind of manipulation. A child with anal and visual vectors is a potential great scientist, analyst, outstanding teacher, writer, doctor or artist, but only if his pleasure consists in the realization of his innate properties, but not in the effort to “be good”.
Understanding the nature of the child's psyche, the true desires of the child, his developmental characteristics and perception of the world provides a unique tool for raising a truly developed and realized, and therefore a happy adult, able to find his place in life and enjoy it.
Register for the nearest free online course of lectures on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan at the link: