Difficult teenager. What to do to make him behave normally?
The step from the “child” to the “adult” level is not easy. Many issues need to be resolved in a short period of time. Who am I, who will I be? What to do with the storm of feelings inside? How to live when you are lonely and not understood by anyone? How to get along with other people?
After the child outgrows the ill-fated puberty, parents need to issue a ticket to warm countries - lie on the beach, pacify a twitching eye, finally exhale. In the meantime, the war of generations in a single family continues.
Just recently I was a normal child: I listened to what adults told him. And now she snaps, rereads, proves something. And you can't come to an agreement with him! How do you talk to a wall …
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan does the impossible - it allows you to look into the restless soul of a teenager and find ways for the whole family to survive a difficult period with less hassle.
What happens to the child?
Adolescence is the most difficult period. A global restructuring is taking place, and not only in the body, but also in the soul, in relations with the world.
The basic human desire is to preserve oneself. From the moment of birth, the baby receives a sense of security and safety from the mother. She is not only the guarantor of his survival at the physical level (feeds, clothe, does not allow sticking his fingers into the socket), but also mental well-being. Up to six years, inclusive, the child's condition is completely dependent on the mother: if she is nervous, afraid, then the child will have health, mood and behavior problems.
From the age of six to the end of puberty, the child's dependence on the mother gradually weakens, so that by the age of 16-17 it finally ends. From this moment onwards, a person provides himself with a sense of security and safety himself.
The step from the “child” to the “adult” level is not easy. Many issues need to be resolved in a short period of time. Who am I, who will I be? What to do with the storm of feelings inside? How to live when you are lonely and not understood by anyone? How to get along with other people?
This process is not recognized by either the parents or the teenager. The older generation thinks that the child is simply out of control, and for the chick that flies out of the nest, that the world is turning upside down. Although, when everything is normalized, it turns out that it was in him …
Why is a teenager acting so stupid?
- Violates established rules.
- Criticizes elders.
- Throws tantrums.
- Became gloomy and angry.
Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology" reveals the reason why a teenager does everything the other way around, casts doubt on everything, acts contrary to adults.
Human vectors are an innate set of desires and properties. A teenager goes to adulthood through the denial of everything that comes from his parents - he wants to decide for himself how and what to do, tries to be independent. Therefore, the skin girl, who always came on time, and always warned about being late, suddenly comes a few hours later, and when asked to explain her behavior she is only irritated. And therefore, an obedient, selflessly devoted boy with an anal vector suddenly bursts into criticism of his parents.
13-15 years is the time when the child denies his past childhood state in order to come to the realization of his desires and capabilities.
What to do with the child?
An emotional connection is the best and, in fact, the only way to maintain a trusting relationship with your child. And that means - to have a chance to save him from irreparable mistakes. Otherwise, he simply will not hear you, moreover, he will do it in defiance.
Of course, it is better to create an emotional connection from early childhood, but even if the time is lost, do not give up. Because love, the desire to understand always wins - both at 15 and at 95.
An emotional connection is created only when open hearts touch. The best way is sincere conversations on exciting topics. About the past and the future, about love, about family, about destiny.
Teenagers are especially suspicious of adults, they think that "parents do not understand anything." Be patient, start a conversation with your violent teenager with a good intention - to understand him, hear him, talk heart to heart, become closer, dearer to each other. Do not teach, do not make fun of, do not devalue his feelings. Ask more questions, listen carefully.
Be respectful of his feelings. After all, whatever the other person feels - for him, this is the only truth of life. Ignoring his even the most absurd experiences, refuting them is the best way to move away forever.
Remember that the child at this stage is learning to exercise his freedom of choice and will. He wants to feel as much as possible that he makes a decision himself. Any consequence is appreciated by him, if it is his, and not "imposed", as it was in childhood.
Ideally, if you systematically understand what desires drive your child, and can not oppose him, but be on his wave, suggest how to realize them with the greatest pleasure.
Stories from Parents of Difficult Teens
On yburlan.ru there are already 1150 results of parents who have completed the training of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology":
How to avoid irreparable mistakes of education?
To do this, you need to understand the psychology of the teenager and your own. Then misunderstanding, feelings of irritation and resentment, fear for the future of your child will go into the past.
If it is important for you to know:
- How to increase your resistance to stress?
- How to convey to a teenager that you are not his enemy?
- How to channel the child's energy in the right direction?
- How can you help him cope with himself during this difficult period? -
and answers to other, even the most tricky questions about the psychology of children and adults, come to the free online training of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology".
Waiting for you!
