The psychology of breaking a relationship without breaking a heart
We feel bad, we suffer, every cell of our body feels this pain, we don't want anything else, nothing pleases, does not interest, does not attract … All thoughts are only about him (her): “Lord, my wife left, what to do, how to live on ? " or "He left, and my whole life collapsed in an instant …"
Parting with a loved one is pain, this suffering, this state, as if your heart was ripped out and carried away with you, the feeling that your whole world is crumbling, leaving nothing behind, only emptiness, despair, a dead end …
Many of us are capable of the most reckless actions at such a moment. A burning resentment pushes to take revenge at any cost, deceived feelings - to repay in the same coin, hopelessness - just to commit suicide, throwing his (her) life in his face.
We feel bad, we suffer, every cell of our body feels this pain, we don't want anything else, nothing pleases, does not interest, does not attract …
All thoughts are only about him (her): "Lord, my wife has left, what to do, how to live on?" or "He left, and my whole life collapsed in an instant …"
Like a robot, I do my daily work, but inside there is only emptiness and pain that spills into my pillow at night, and dreams only about those happy days when we were together, I again smell his smell, the touch of his hand, his gaze, and waking up again I am going through parting with a man who was everything to me. I don’t understand what happened, I don’t know how I should live now, but most importantly, how can I force myself to let him go ?!
BREAKING THE RELATIONSHIP: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF A BROKEN CUP
Experiencing the most negative states, we still do not fully understand what hurts, where is the source of suffering and how to relieve this pain.
Women go to tears, men go to wine or work, and we all try to run away from ourselves, blaming our partner, circumstances, relatives, bosses for everything, or engaging in self-flagellation. Time becomes the main medicine for us, but there are cases when this does not help either.
Who are the people who can end a relationship and go their separate ways, like ships at sea? Can you become like that?
Why is the psychological suffering of a breakup so painful in full physical health?
How to get out of an emotional impasse without a load of resentment and a shattered heart?
The true understanding of the psychology of breaking up relationships is based only on knowledge about the innate psychological properties of both partners in each specific case.
For any person, parting, a break in relations is painful, but there are people for whom this break is just a catastrophe and is experienced especially acutely, having a strong effect on the psychological state of a person, manifesting itself either as a grave resentment that affects the rest of his life, or as an emotional breakdown. depths, after which only complete emotional emptiness is felt, reminiscent of a scorched desert. These are people with anal and / or visual vectors.
Each of them experiences a break in relations in their own way, according to the innate qualities of the psyche, and for each of them there is a mechanism for getting out of the negative state.
I FEEL, IT MEANS - I LIVE
The greatest pleasure, as well as the greatest pain, is brought to us by people, especially the closest and dearest person. We all experience emotions of varying degrees of severity, but there are people who need emotions like air. Feelings are everything for them. These are people with a visual vector, which Yuri Burlan talks about in detail at the training "System-vector psychology".
Parting for the most sensitive vector - the visual one - is a huge stress, since it is associated with a loss of emotional connection. The break in relations becomes a deprivation of the opportunity to realize natural needs for emotional contact. This leads to an increase in deficiencies and imbalances in brain biochemistry, which feels almost like physical pain, and sometimes even worse.
Rich imagination and a tendency to exaggerate paint the most dramatic scenes and find the most incredible reasons for the breakup. It is the visual people who tend to try to commit suicide, leaving emotional suicide notes, the “last” but actually requiring viewers to call a former partner, an e-mail message in which all feelings are poured out, and the like.
A visual attempt at suicide is not at all a desire to commit suicide, but a desperate demand for attention or a perverse way to return, at least for a while, the departed partner back.
You can get out of the emotional peak caused by growing shortages in emotional connection by transferring your emotions to another object. This does not mean at all that you need to rush into the arms of the first comer and even more so to his bed, although such an erroneous development of events can be observed quite often.
The visual vector is an emotional fountain, your emotions must be poured out, thrown out, shared with other people, given away. Crying on the shoulder of your best friend or mom may be the first step, but it won't solve the problem. Alcohol can numb the pain of growing shortages, but the next morning everything will be back to normal.
Emotional return involves shifting focus away from yourself, from your own pain to the pain of another. It can be helping a sick or elderly relative, neighbor, acquaintance or even unfamiliar person. Work in social programs or volunteer work with children, disabled people, sick people, with those who find themselves in a more deplorable situation, who need love and help every day, who desperately need your visual kindness, compassion, empathy, but not in words, but in actions, in real actions, in tangible help.
Such a powerful and intense filling of the deficiencies of the visual vector will not leave room for concentration on one's own pain, the emotional vortex will receive a direction to exit. You will be surprised how much easier it will be for you after each such emotional return.
You shouldn't expect everything to happen overnight, but you will feel the relaxation of the oppressive tension immediately. The emotional deadlock of the negative state will be replaced by the sadness of the loss of such significant relationships for you, and after a while, somewhere ahead, hope for new, more successful, consciously built relationships of a higher level will dawn.
The most difficult period for the visual vector is the first three months after the breakup, and if you help yourself get through this time, deliberately shifting the emotional focus from your own problem to the problems of others, you can get out of the crisis with the least psychological loss.
THE HANDY WORLD IS DESTROYED: STUPOR, REVENGE …
Parting with a loved one is perceived almost like the end of the world for people with the most domestic and family vector - anal. The severance of relations for such a person is a huge stress, as the habitual environment of existence, established habits, familiar sensations are destroyed.
Men and women with an anal vector are ideal husbands and wives, it is for them that the family is a guarantee and an integral part of the concept of happiness, for this reason, the destruction of the family nest, established habits, familiar life and the loss of the status of a family man is a big blow. Often, the breakdown of a relationship simply puts them into a state of stupor.
The first thought after getting out of the stupor is the resentment, the imbalance in the direction of "not given" and as an attempt to compensate for the shortage - the desire to take revenge on the offender, to repay in the same coin.
Almost phenomenal memory, designed to store systematized knowledge, is able to retain painful memories for many years, which is why resentment only increases over time. A dangerous and destructive feeling of resentment becomes an insurmountable obstacle to any movement in life and prevents the construction of new happy relationships.
It is the resentment that can become the biggest problem for a person with an anal vector after breaking up the usual relationship. Parting with a loved one is perceived as a thunderbolt, even if the relationship has already had a negative tendency. Rigid psyche, slow thinking, created to systematize large amounts of information and store it, in the same way stores every moment of parting, every hurtful word, look, gesture, any manifestation of misunderstanding or reproach to the "injured" party.
A person with an anal vector is able to recreate a critical situation experienced in the past with great accuracy and to the smallest detail, which, unambiguously, adds fuel to the fire of a flaring resentment and leads to thoughts of revenge.
A gradually growing resentment begins to occupy almost all the thoughts of an offended person, significantly reducing all his chances of getting full realization in society, which means joy and pleasure from life.
A deep understanding of your own qualities and their true purpose makes it possible to realize them in a different direction than focusing on the offense.
Of course, a break in a relationship is a strong blow to the psychological state and it is almost impossible to maintain control over oneself in an acute period, but the main thing is to know for sure that an excellent memory is given to you to store knowledge, the ability to detail - to create an ideal product of your thoughts or hands, high concentration of thought is for professional analysis and conclusions, but not for inflating in oneself a destructive resentment and living again and again such painful moments as parting with a loved one.
All your abilities and qualities can be applied constructively, but not destructively, as an offense, the main thing is to understand this.
Yes, it hurt, yes, it was, and yes, I will not forget this pain, but I will not let it rule my life, because I am the master of my own destiny, and it’s up to me to decide how to live on. And I'm sure that new day will come, which I can consciously and deliberately start from scratch and meet the person with whom I will be happy. Let not today and not tomorrow, but this day will surely come.
Experiencing memories and focusing on resentment is also a kind of filling of lacks. There is quality, it tries to fill itself, in any way, even elementary. However, the satisfaction of each property can bring both a small temporary pleasure and a full-fledged pleasure - it all depends on the method of realization. Realizing their own qualities in society, in a creative way, observing the fruits of their activities and having deserved recognition for their work, the representative of the anal vector gets the fullest and most powerful pleasure from his life.
Understanding this, you do not focus on the resentment and do not give it leverage to control your life, because there are more important things for you, more worthy of your attention, memory and thoughts.
Only consciously you will be able to get away from gloomy thoughts, from the desire for retribution, and the negative state of "not given", "cheated" to get in another area that fills you more intensely than revenge for the offense.
NEW PSYCHOLOGY: A RUPTURE OF RELATIONS IS POSSIBLE TO EXPERIENCE!
Breaking up with someone who was dear to you is a great pain for any person. Even though the whole world now seems to you black and hostile, you do not know why it happened, who is to blame and what to do now, how to live on. It seems to you that your heart is left with the one who left, and you are no longer capable of feelings.
You think that you do not have the strength to live on and that you will never have a relationship and loneliness is your lot. But this is not the case.
It is when you feel the worst that you can discover new things for yourself, you can get the knowledge that will help you get out of this state and understand what was happening to you, which prevented you from building a reliable and lasting relationship. Find out why you are in such pain now, but the main thing is what to do to relieve this pain! And continue to live fully.
Yuri Burlan's training "System Vector Psychology" is a look inside yourself, inside your life, your relationships. This is an opportunity to consciously change your state for the better and still find your happiness, no matter how illusory it may seem today.
