She understands me. Why does a woman choose a woman?
Even being in relationships with men, I could be in love with a woman. I didn't think it was cheating, it was two different types of relationship. With men I built longer and more real relationships, but with women I built more correct, in my opinion, relationships, more spiritual, as I thought …
Man is not an island, but each, as a whole, is a fragment of a continent, a part of space.
John Donne
Imagine a situation - you need to find something. You don't know what, but you know what is needed. How will it look like? You will search everything around in search of the right object, focusing on your inner flair. And now the opposite situation: imagine that you are digging everywhere. What are you doing? Maybe you are looking for something?
Between man and woman
For a long time I did not understand why my short relationships with men were replaced at times by the same short relationships with women. The explanations that I found on the Internet, in books (fiction, psychology, and so on, little things, any consumer goods) did not suit me. I avoided the label "lesbian", but each time I returned to women. If I was not with women, then I watched films on the topic of same-sex love or read literature. And when I stumbled upon this topic by accident, it was always pleasantly exciting.
Even being in relationships with men, I could be in love with a woman. I didn't think it was cheating, it was two different types of relationship. With men I built longer and more real relationships, but with women I built more correct, in my opinion, relationships, more spiritual, as I thought. Their spirituality consisted in the fact that there was no sex with the penetration of something alien and nasty into my body, it was possible to do without sex at all in the physical part of communication, exclusively on gentle touches and kisses.
We are one wave - you and me
After conducting a mental audit of my relationship and listening to my inner feelings, I came to the conclusion that I was looking not for a man or a woman, but every time for a person close to me in spirit. Such that it was possible to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, and no matter what, it was vital for me to have one wave. It felt like I was canceling the body, canceling the sexual characteristics. I was too dissimilar with men, but the difference in properties not only does not interfere, but often helps to build relationships.
I asked myself: “Maybe I'm not looking specifically for building relationships, but for understanding through communication with my partner myself. Maybe I need someone like me to understand myself through him, to explain who I am, what I am? It seemed that I was looking for something inside someone, but without an answer to the question - what exactly was I looking for? I understood that this search can last for years, leaving behind a strange relationship, parting and necessarily someone's pain.
We can say that I was lucky, because I found the answer to the question of why this is happening. But this is not the kind of luck that happens to a few, it can go to everyone who is ready to accept it. I got to the classes "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan and received answers to my questions, and specifically to this one too.
Internal search engine
We are all different - this is not news. Obviously, not all of us are engaged in the described search for ourselves. Finding yourself is a difficult business, finding yourself through relationships with other people - all the more so, especially if you are building relationships with a person of your gender. Even if we are talking about two girls, whose relationship looks something so juicy in our society. All the same, condemnation cannot be avoided. There is nothing to say about the attitude of parents to this issue. It is very rare even when they simply do not condemn it in the face of their child. Hard.
So who, after all, is looking for himself? According to the disclosures of the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan, these people are the owners of the sound vector. There are eight vectors in total - eight sets of innate qualities, desires, abilities, which are present in each of us in various combinations.
People with a sound vector are notable for the fact that from childhood they ask non-childish questions about the meaning of this life in different formulations. Slightly removed from the general fun and joy of the crowd of peers at any age. They like to reflect more in peace and quiet.
Children’s questions lead sound experts in adult life to science (physics, mathematics, philosophy), programming, psychiatry, the surgical table as a surgeon, poetry and literature as the creator of poetry and literature, classical and non-classical music. Sound people are special people with a special perception of this life, with special requests for it.
Illusion
It would seem, how can questions about the meaning of life and relationships in a couple be related? The desire of the sound vector to understand oneself, to understand the meaning of what is happening in the external world leads the sound engineer not only to special professions and hobbies, but also makes him build relationships - not like everyone else's, and not like everyone else's.
When relationships with men "accumulated" in sufficient quantity so that I could conclude that they are imperfect (they do not give answers to my questions about the meaning, as it later turned out), I began to try to build relationships with girls. By nature, there is no attraction there, but it did not interest me. The sound vector significantly reduces the sexual desire of its owner. Every time I started a relationship, I thought that these are definitely forever. After all, they understood me, I could speak on any topic, be silent on any topic, the gender of my partner was absolutely not important for all this.
The body is illusory for the sound engineer, the filling of this body is more important. At the same time, the sound engineer can completely monitor his body, health, what he puts on him, but the sensations can be compared to a flash drive. You keep an eye on the flash drive so as not to lose it, not to scratch it, not to break it, but only for the sake of the information that is written on it. In general, the sound engineer does not care what a flash drive looks like, on which information valuable to him is recorded.
A lifelong search
The main desire of the sound engineer is to understand what the plan, general and particular, is his personal and the existence of all of us on earth. In search of an answer to this subconscious question, the sound engineer chooses a profession or is fond of various practices, looks for an answer in religion, shoveling through many books. Or, like me, trying to find the answer inside a person like himself. After all, I have always chosen women with a sound vector for relationships.
The idea, in fact, is correct - from the outside it is always more visible, through others it is easier to understand yourself. But what's the point when you don't know the technique. At the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan, through understanding the structure of the whole (human society) comes an understanding of oneself, one's true desires, properties, characteristics.
Each of us is a part of the overall picture in the picture, yes - original, yes - very bright and individual, yes - not the same as everyone else, but still a part. The search for oneself is impossible without understanding oneself within this picture, among other people. Our life is built on relationships with other people, emotions are manifested in relation to other people, desires are connected with other people.
If you want to understand yourself, stop knocking around and looking for something, I don't know what; understand the true desire that pushes you into difficult relationships with women, and indeed with the world around you; Get rid of the devastating disappointment of fruitless searches and comprehend the real inner question of your soul - then master new knowledge at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan. Register for free online lectures here.
