Causes of conflicts
Any question about conflicts is basically a search for answers about the reasons for this or that behavior. Is it possible to communicate constructively and with pleasure with other people outside the concept of "conflict"? At the training System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan, you get an unmistakable knowledge of the true causes of conflicts between people …
Weekend evening. At one of the stops, a nimble granny from the category of active summer residents runs into the bus, sits down behind me. Let's go further. The smooth swaying of the bus springs, the flickering of the landscape of the summer city in the window involuntarily immerses you in the calm flow of your own thoughts. A conductor passes through the cabin, treating passengers. The usual procedure, there is no reason for conflict.
- Certificate of a disabled person of the second group! - I hear the peremptory tone of the granny summer resident.
- Okay, please show the spread with your photograph, - asks the conductor.
- I told you, an invalid of the second group! - the passenger's growing discontent is felt in the voice.
- Please show the spread of your photo ID, - the conductor repeats the request.
- ON, LOOK, SU …. !!!! - the granny explodes with aggression. - WHAT ARE YOU FOR A PERSON, READY TO TURN THE INSIDE INSIDE! YOU CAN'T WORK WITH PEOPLE! - spits out of the headstock at the conductor.
At one point, my inner comfort changes with an impulsive desire to run out of the bus, so unbearable is the first reaction of feeling the slaughter of an aggressive message from a granny.
The hardest thing is a mat, shouted out as if from the very inside of a woman. Every obscene word hits the back of my head. You want to bend down, close your ears, pull your head into your shoulders and run away. A second later, the desire to escape changes with an explosion of indignation and thoughts to do whatever you want, just to shut the mouth of the conflicted aunt.
A systematic understanding of this behavior smoothly reduces my nascent aggression to zero.
I quickly restored my inner balance, although I felt the full severity of the destructive conflict in full, being just an involuntary witness of an unpleasant situation.
Common beliefs about conflict. And nothing has changed
There is an opinion that conflicts between people are inevitable and this "karma" cannot be avoided. It remains to learn the skills and techniques of "close combat" with other people. The psychology of conflicts is looking for answers to questions about how to behave correctly in the conditions of the inevitability of conflicts between people, studies what conflicts there are in social groups, what are the causes of conflicts between people.
In the classification of conflicts, separate types are distinguished:
- ideological conflicts,
- social conflicts,
- interpersonal conflicts,
- destructive conflicts,
- constructive conflicts.
Numerous rules and recommendations are given on how to respond to one type of conflict or another; psychology is trying to develop tactics and strategies for resolving the conflict.
In a common denominator - the same starting postulate of the psychology of conflicts: a clash of opposites of interests between people is inevitable. And as a result, negative, painful experiences caused by a conflict situation are inevitable.
The concept of the causes of conflicts in psychology is explained by contradictions in the opinions of the opposing parties. Quote from Internet sources: "Conflict is an inevitable component of relations …".
Active calls from psychologists to use various tactics in conflict situations lead to the false belief that conflict situations in relations with other people are the norm.
Talking about the constructive functions of conflict situations is even more confusing. Allegedly, the form of "civilized conflict" is a motive for achieving goals, for moving to a different level of beneficial communications, excluding the destructive development of the conflict.
And in life, a conflict is always unpleasant, offensive, painful and annoying. Nobody consciously wants to be a party to the conflict. Each person wants to receive positive emotions from communication with other people.
What to do with the desire to enjoy interacting with other people and the alleged impossibility to get it? To reconcile or use tactics of waging a battle with an opponent, defending the right to be heard? Is it possible to communicate constructively and with pleasure with other people outside the concept of "conflict"?
Any question about conflicts is basically a search for answers about the reasons for this or that behavior. If a person is prone to conflicting behavior, there must be a reason.
At the Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology training, you receive unmistakable knowledge of the true causes of conflicts between people.
Why are you angry as a dog?
Every person from the moment of birth is endowed with unique properties of the psyche, which are manifested in life values, priorities, aspirations and desires, shape a person's behavior and the forms of his relationships with others.
The basic need of every person is the desire for pleasure and joy through the realization of their natural aspirations and desires.
We unconsciously strive to fulfill and satisfy our desires, to achieve what we want. If it is impossible to get what you want, tension grows inside a person. The stronger the desire and the longer the lack of its realization, the stronger the tension and irritation.
I want and do not receive, I wish and do not have. The person begins to experience dissatisfaction and stress. With long-term non-fulfillment of desire, human behavior is directed not at finding ways to realize the desired, but at relieving internal discomfort and tension.
Reaching the peak of tension and irritation, the human psyche seeks to regain a comfortable, balanced state, dumping negativity outward, onto other people. Expressing dislike towards other people brings some relief. He yelled at a restless child, reinforcing his discontent with a slap on the head, “didn’t let himself be offended” in the queue at the ATM, a rogue who climbed “ahead of the daddy”, swore at the bus conductor for showing distrust - wow, it became a little easier! And so on until the next peak of stress.
Sometimes the degree of tension is so high that the confrontation is not limited to verbal conflict. A person with certain properties of the psyche (in the presence of chronic dissatisfaction in the desires of the anal vector) has a tendency to aggression and causing physical harm to the opponent. This behavior brings a sense of temporary relief, reinforcing the conflict scenario of the relationship. A bonus to scandalous, aggressive behavior is loneliness and anger all over the world.
And so I want to feel happy, getting joy and pleasure from life!
What to do? How to get rid of the scenario of living life in conflicts, quarrels and misunderstandings? The only answer is to realize the nature of your desires and the desires of other people! This is fully possible at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
Everyone has their own "want"
Interpersonal conflicts, or simply put, quarrels between people always run violently, at the peak of emotions, often involving and traumatizing third parties. A fight never ends with a positive compromise. After a quarrel, the participants in the scandal are shaking for some time from the experienced negative emotions. Inside each opponent, indignation boils, seethes and gurgles against the other: "How can he not understand me (my desires)?"
When we find ourselves in a conflict situation, we do not think that others have their own desires, different from ours, dictated by other natural characteristics.
Let us give a simple, life-like example of a family quarrel.
An energetic, mobile spouse requires her leisurely, detailed husband to do several things and faster. She is annoyed with her husband for his sluggishness, slowness. A man tries to justify his wife's demands to be more mobile, but he slows down even more, falls into a stupor, takes offense in response to his wife's constant tugging. The orderly rhythm of his thoughts gets confused, he experiences stress from the inability to perform a hundred things at a high quality at the same time. The tension of both increases and turns into a quarrel with mutual accusations "why don't you understand me?"
If we consider this example through the prism of the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan, then the reasons for the conflict between spouses are clear and explainable.
A mobile, agile wife - the owner of the skin vector. People with a skin vector are naturally endowed with a mobile psyche. Organization, discipline and self-discipline are peculiarities of the psyche of the owners of the skin vector. They not only know how to discipline themselves, but also require others to obey laws and rules.
The main natural feature of the skin vector is the desire to save. A person with a skin vector saves energy, time, information, space. The ability to solve several problems at the same time, to be in time in many places, to quickly switch attention from one issue to another is a manifestation of the desire to save money.
Wanting to realize the natural desire for economy and having innate properties for this, a person with a skin vector often expects the same from other people. He will be annoyed by the manifestation of slowness in others (how much time has been wasted!) - verbally this is expressed in the endless hurrying and twitching of others.
And what does a person feel when he hears reproaches in his address for being "inhibited" and sluggish? Most often offense. Because the owner of the anal vector is not a brake by nature! He is as orderly as possible - in thoughts and actions. The owners of the anal vector are naturally unhurried and thorough. They are perfectionists and professionals in their field, responsible and executive. The family has the best husbands and wives, attentive and caring.
The psyche of such a person is fundamentally different in its characteristics from the psyche of a person with a skin vector.
The psyche of the owner of the anal vector is rigid, inflexible. The owner of the anal vector does not have the natural ability to quickly switch attention from one task to another. A person with an anal vector has different natural desires (and hence abilities). One of them is the desire to be an excellent performer of their business, a respected professional. And in order to obtain a high-quality result (so as not to be ashamed to look people in the eye), haste is unacceptable.
A person with an anal vector needs approval and recognition of their merits. In childhood, the desire to be approved by the mother is expressed in obedience and complaisance. In adulthood, such a person, wanting to experience a feeling of approval from the outside, seeks to justify the requirements of people who are significant to him. For example, a spouse with a skin vector. Trying with all his might to become fast, flexible and maneuverable, to catch up and overtake rivals, a person with an anal vector, not having the properties set by nature for such manifestations, experiences stress, falls into a stupor and cannot get off the ground. In this situation, he suffers from the inability to meet the expectations of his beloved woman and is offended in response to her claims.
Failure to understand the difference between each other's innate natural features leads to quarrels and scandals.
The problem of conflicts is solvable
The above example is just an easy sketch for a systemic understanding of the problems of conflicts between people. Each vector, and there are 8 in total (skin, anal, visual, sound and others), are assigned special, unique properties and qualities, realizing which among other people, a person feels in his place. He gets joy and pleasure from fulfilling his desires.
When we know and distinguish the manifestations of the peculiarities of the psyche, an understanding of the motives of the behavior of other people comes. Then there are no questions and bewilderments from why a seemingly pleasant woman suddenly explodes with the poison of aggression and swearing? Understanding the internal states of a person that provoke a conflict does not generate aggressive responses. Conflict doesn't happen.
If you are tired and no longer have the strength to endure the suffering from constant conflict situations, quarrels, misunderstandings, resentments - you can solve all these problems at the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan. More than 21,000 results from people who have completed the training confirm its exclusivity and effectiveness.
It is possible to get to know yourself, your loved ones and get the first changes in the direction of a happy and joyful life at free introductory lectures. You can register for the introductory cycle of the online training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan here.
