Where do the children go? Part 1. "Runner"
We cannot believe that a child can have such serious psychological problems that he will be ready to decide to run away. How can it be at home, in a family worse than on the street ?! What should be going on in his head for him to go nowhere?
Missing child … Shock. Fear. Pain. Anger. Panic.
When a child disappears, parents refuse to believe it. It's scary and painful. The brain simply refuses to perceive what is happening. It seems that at any moment the child will enter the door and this whole terrible nightmare will end.
Even when law enforcement agencies and volunteer organizations are doing everything possible and impossible, parents think that this is too little, since there is still no result.
The missing and not found child remains as an indelible scar in the soul of loved ones. They continue to wait and look for him for many years. The hope that he will be found or he will return himself lives in the soul of his relatives all his life.
According to the Ministry of Internal Affairs, 1,400 children disappear in Moscow every year. Across Russia - from 15,000 to 20,000 missing. The peak of child disappearances in our country occurs in the spring and autumn.
Why is this happening?
Who steals children and why?
How can this be prevented?
Psychological aspects of missing children
By revealing the subconscious motives of human actions, system-vector psychology allows you to reveal the "source code" of the most unusual actions, including criminal actions.
Among all cases of missing children, there are three possible options for what happened:
- The reason is the psychological state of the child (why do children run away from home?);
- The child was stolen for the purpose of earning money (extortion of money, slavery, illegal adoption, etc.);
- Kidnapping by a pedophile.
Where does the slider run
Volunteers call "runners" children who run away from home themselves.
Not every child is able to escape. In addition, running away from home is always a consequence of what is happening in the family and, as a result, in the inner world of a growing personality.
A child with an urethral vector may decide to escape because of conflicts with parents.
By virtue of his psychological characteristics, such a child feels himself to be in charge. This is precisely the innate inner feeling, the confidence that his rank is the highest. It is very difficult for parents without systemic thinking to understand this state of affairs, because many of us are convinced that the younger ones should listen to the elders, and not vice versa.
When they try to bring up such a child through control or restrictions, when parents demand obedience, everything can end up sadly. A child with a urethral vector is incapable of any submission. He feels himself a leader, he cannot be lower than anyone else, since this is against his nature.
The suppression of such a personality only leads to aggressive resistance from the child. He still will not become obedient, will not obey, will not recognize anyone's authority. Even under pressure, even under threat, even under physical punishment.
His reaction to suppression is to run away from home. If he does not succeed in winning a victory over his parents, he leaves to look for that “flock” that will accept him. That group of people, among whom he will take the place corresponding to his highest rank - the place of the undisputed leader.
This development of events is the worst option for a growing urethral, because it is a dead end. What kind of company can he find on the street as a teenager? The answer is obvious. What kind of development can he get as the leader of a homeless gang? The answer is the same.
In fact, with all the seeming complexity with the urethral child, it is easiest to cope: it must be made responsible for others. And you need to direct his natural passion and pressure, suggesting to him the place of application of his abilities. More details about the upbringing of an urethral child can be found in the article “Leader of the Redskins. The collisions of educating not the faint of heart."
A child with a skin vector can also become a "runner" when he completely loses the feeling of security and safety at home. A difficult situation with parents in the first place can push the child to escape. Having not received the proper development of the properties of the skin vector, such a child is quite capable of deciding to steal and come to a vagrant lifestyle. (You can read more about children with skin vector here).
A child with a sound vector falls into a special risk group. In search of the meaning of his life and hiding from the pain that screams, noise or insults inflict on him, he can escape from reality into computer games. At an older age, the least adapted to an independent life, living by desires that are most distant from the material world, an immersed sound engineer risks ending up in a drug den, sect and similar groupings, where his inner sound search for the meaning of life will lead. (More on sound children).
How to prevent running away from home?
When a child runs away from home, it is a shock for the parents. How could this happen?
“The child is welcome, beloved, did not need anything, everyone invested, pampered … yes, there were conflicts sometimes, but who does not? This is life".
We cannot believe that a child may have psychological problems of such a nature that he will be ready to decide to escape. How can it be at home, in a family worse than on the street ?! What should be going on in his head for him to go nowhere?
Unfortunately, sometimes only such extreme measures, such a tragic incident as the escape of a child, make us understand how far we are from the understanding of young generations. We, parents, are too different in our inner world, in our thoughts, values, priorities and desires from our children.
We differ so much that we cannot understand them.
… we don't know how to love them.
… we cannot find the words to be heard.
… and they leave. Look for those who will understand them. But they don't. And we are losing them forever.
It is very difficult to drive a car when you do not know the rules and principles of engine operation. The risk of an accident is high.
It is very difficult to bring up a child you don't understand. Knowledge is needed. We need answers. It takes skill.
Knowledge of the psychology of a modern child is becoming more and more relevant from generation to generation.
The basis of the basics is a sense of security and safety. This is a fundamental feeling on the basis of which the development of any innate properties of the psyche becomes generally possible. The child receives it from the mother.
If the mother is calm, balanced, is at peace with herself, her calm confidence in life is transferred to the child and he feels safe. It is this feeling that creates the very halo of a happy childhood, even if the family is incomplete, even if the wealth is the most modest, even if many material goods are absent, even if there is no entertainment, even when food is the simplest and clothes are the cheapest. All this is unimportant for the child if there is a mother nearby who loves and protects, with whom it is not scary or painful, with whom it is good always and everywhere.
When there is no sense of security, the child loses the ground under his feet, feels inexplicable fear, anxiety, helplessness, but cannot realize this, much less explain it to someone. He just feels bad, he feels lonely, unnecessary, a stranger. Even with all kinds of benefits, luxury items and a variety of entertainment. All this does not matter if you are alone in your soul, if there is no mother who will always understand, accept, protect.
Until the end of puberty, the child is psychologically unable to independently provide himself with protection and safety. Therefore, he will consider his home the place where he feels it. And it is in our power to make sure that this place was his family.
Runaways from home happen, but more often children are taken away by force by adults.
Who and why is taking the children away, we read in the next article.