Sexual fantasies of women and men: three in a boat, not counting … ahem
The sexual fantasies of men and women are a vowel and at the same time a closed topic, more voluminous and multifaceted than it might seem at first glance. What is the rationale behind the sexual fantasies of women and men? Should we talk about them with each other?
The sexual fantasies of men and women are a vowel and at the same time a closed topic, more voluminous and multifaceted than it might seem at first glance. Women's and men's magazines give a lot of advice like "101 sex positions you will never use", since they have no real practical application. First, because they are given undifferentiated, and secondly, because people do not understand their desires, let alone the desires of a partner. And I'm not talking now about the notorious "deeper, tougher, softer, more", but about the effective typology of human sexuality.
Do you want to speak the same language of passion with your partner? Understand what he wants not from the first, but from the second glance? Forget the stupid advice from sex therapists that partners should be relaxed and share their sexual fantasies with each other. And if your cherished dream is group sex with three blacks and one Chinese? And preferably in a city park or at least a cinema in the presence of a small group of spectators? And your faithful does not even want to change your sagging bed for a dining table, and, if you show up to him with such revelations, he will immediately get a heart attack or, what good, will he rip out a lock of your hair?
What is the rationale behind the sexual fantasies of women and men? Should we perform them or talk about them with each other?
Sexual fantasies of men and women: he, she and their psychologist
The sexual fantasies of each person, like his sexuality, on the one hand, are based on the strength of desire in his libido, and on the other, they are limited by culture, law and traditions. This creates strong pressure and manifests itself in a huge variety of human sexual behavior: from asexuality to manic states, perversions and orgies, from platonic love to passionate love, from tenderness to cruelty and masochism.
What are sexual fantasies? These are our unfulfilled desires.
System-vector psychology distinguishes eight vectors, of which four are lower: cutaneous, anal, urethral, and muscular - and four upper ones: visual, sound, oral and olfactory. Each vector has desires and properties for the realization of these desires. We all experience happiness from the fulfillment of our desires and suffering from the lack of fulfillment.
When we talk about sexual attraction, we are talking ONLY about the lower vectors, where, unlike the upper ones, there is libido (sexual desire, energy of life). Accordingly, there are four qualitatively different types of sexuality: urethral, muscular, cutaneous and anal.
The upper vectors are vectors that set a certain direction of the libido of the lower vectors, they largely determine the characteristics of the sexual fantasies of men and women.
Any sexual fantasy is like a mental replenishment of really unfulfilled desires. The stronger the desire that is not being fulfilled, the greater the danger of becoming locked into sexual fantasy. They are in any vector, and in each vector they are different.
It is also necessary to clarify that there are much more sexual scenarios than types of sexuality, since the state of the vectors and their various mixtures in one person are also important here.
With all this, in general, it is clear that the sexual fantasies of the anal woman are fundamentally different from the sexual fantasies of the cutaneous, and the sexual fantasies of the urethral man - from the sexual fantasies of the muscular.
Of course, any person will always dream about what he really lacks. After all, what is the point of mentally longing for a busty mulatto, if this very mulatto, naked and ready-made, lies right in front of you?
Sexual fantasies of women and men: spanking or stroking, strength or tenderness?
Your hands on my lips, your lips on my chest … Burn me, touch again, we have so little night ahead …
The vectors are primary, but they are divided into masculine and feminine, so the sexual fantasies of men and women of the same vector may differ, but they will still have a common root.
So, for example, the sexual fantasy of any, even the most developed and healthy, skin woman is to be taken by force (without the use of physical violence). She will contradict, shout "no, you mustn't, you mustn't," taking pleasure in the very fact of a man's disobedience to this prohibition. Naturally, the desired man.
This does not mean that we must immediately run to rape skin women. Indeed, in the case of them, there are two "no": "no", which is "no", and "no", which is "yes". But their sexual partners may keep in mind that they don't always have to ask permission, and sometimes it's better not to.
The sexual fantasy of skin men, of course, is not taking them by force (although there may still be options), but often these are variations on the theme of threesome, four, ten men sex: for example, sex with lesbians as a dream of skin lawlessness. A skin woman may have the same sexual fantasy, only with two / three / ten men, while she may never realize it, but she will always dream about it.
Common for healthy skin men and women are sexual fantasies associated with restriction of freedom: tying, tying, handcuffs (it is possible with fur, so as not to damage the erogenous zone - the skin).
Just one gentle touch can bring the skinned skin to orgasm … Erotic massages, games with ice cubes on the stomach (wax and various oils also give a pleasant effect), stroking, groping, light spanking - everything related to touching the skin. The most sensitive places in dermal men and women are the nipples and the foreskin / clitoris … So do not skimp on oral sex for the skin or skin and do not forget about the gentle, teasing touch … Kisses of the neck, also the back, especially the upper part of it, give an unforgettable sensation …
However, these sexual fantasies are not common to the vast majority of skin women and men. If we are talking about skin men and women beaten in childhood, they have a certain stable scenario, and they get pleasure from pain, here we are already talking about masochism. The skin vector is very adaptable to any situation. So in this case: if a child is assiduously beaten in childhood, he gradually "adapts" the pain, learning to get a kind of pleasure from it.
Not transferred to the sexual realm, such an experience gives rise to the so-called scenario of failure (guess what this is about?). Masochism in social life will lead to unconscious falling into all kinds of situations that “hit” the welfare.
Remember that in this case, violence in bed with your skin partner is simply necessary. The point is not even that his sexual fantasies are the best traditions of BDSM and BDSM with submission, beatings and humiliation, but that by transferring a negative scenario to your bed, you remove it from social life.
So, a broken leatherworker will unconsciously try to incur trouble: be it a dismissal from work or a road accident with his participation. If you act out this negative scenario in bed through masochistic games, then his need for failure will go away by itself.
Fragment of the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan:
Sexual fantasies of men and women: anal sex, caring and sadism
To take it firmly, as it should … To the wall and behind, so that she knew who is the boss …
Perhaps the sexuality of anal men is the most complex and voluminous, although in terms of sexual fantasies it is rather conservative and not too inventive.
The anal vector is closely related to the concepts of "clean" and "dirty". A developed anal man will dream of a pure, immaculate virgin whom he will take away her virginity on the marriage bed after she has said no to him ten times, and he himself, after two years of indecision, will finally gather to take the initiative.
Anal sex is the cornerstone of any anal male's desires. The anal area is taboo and even more desirable for an anal man. For him, penetration into the taboo zone means complete mastery of the woman.
For an anal man, “this place” is the most intimate, the most dear, hence the sexual fantasies associated with anal sex. By the way, touching the anal area in men themselves (as well as in anal women) can also bring incredible pleasure, however, they rarely agree to such experiments due to natural homophobia.
In cases of deviations in the development of the anal vector, his sexual fantasies will be socially unacceptable: from the most brutal rapes with varying degrees of bullying and sadism to sex with men or children. The gaining popularity of sexual deviation, called "sexwife", also has a direct connection with the negative states of the anal vector.
Modern conditions are too dynamic and changeable for the psyche of a person with an anal vector: they do not have time to adapt, therefore, in fact, there is always stress of varying strength, which he wants to compensate by sadistic in bed - to dominate the female, humiliate her, mix with dirt, with verbal nasty and sophisticated fantasies in the presence of upper vectors (especially vision and orality). Pulling by the hair, punching in the face and having anal sex - that's all the sexual fantasies of an anal man of average development and average social and sexual frustrations for you.
Anal cleanliness and neatness at a certain level of unconscious homosexual attraction finds such a rationalization that sex with a woman is dirt. And a dirty business can only be done with a “dirty woman”. Will dream of having sex with a prostitute who can satisfy his most violent fantasies.
Anal women are sexually more flexible than anal men, however, more than half of them have an internal prohibition on anal sex (anal sexual phobia), which does not prevent her from dreaming about it in her fantasies.
Keep in mind that an anal woman must be approached with great care and meticulousness. Revealing her sexually is not easy, but possible. Therefore, do not demand anal sex from her immediately (although in potential only she can get an orgasm from him), but liberate her gradually. And remember that her sexuality is slow, desire builds up slowly, so an anal woman in a marriage with a more or less decent period experiences much more sexual lust than one who is not in a relationship.
Sexual fantasies of men and women: a burning sunset by the ocean
A wondrous short bliss of love seized him, burst into a golden flame, subsided and went out. He lay with closed eyes on the woman's chest. Not a word was said. The woman lay still, gently stroking his hair, allowing him to slowly recover. (Hesse "Narcissus and Chrysostom")
In the visual vector, sexual fantasies are special: bright, colorful, emotionally rich, vivid, well-fitting on paper and pen, on a photo and a script.
Spectators dream of "beautiful sex" with an ideal partner for great visual love. They understand this various "games" with light, prefer sex in the twilight of candles and the scent of roses … Imagine warm Indian nights, illuminated by the blue light of the moon, when you can soak up your loved one in warm sea water, and then make love until morning … Only they understand various degrees of body cover: from sexy underwear, panties that are not panties at all, to sexual arousal from an attribute of clothing or a detail of appearance. For example, they can selectively like only blondes or this scarf around a girl's neck …
The sexual fantasies of visual men and women largely depend on the lower vectors and on the state of the visual vector itself. So, for example, a spectator in fears can dream of sex in a cemetery with some vampire or demon - her choice.
Various degrees of imaginary (and real) voyeurism and exhibitionism also apply to visual people. Whether to be naked in public and enjoy it, whether to admire your body in the mirror or the body of a partner, whether to spy on women in the locker room or watch movies stuffed with erotic scenes and enjoy watching them without masturbation - there are many options.
The greatest pleasure and the most coveted fantasy is sex with a loved one. Visual people like no one are able to enjoy the emotional connection with a partner, even without experiencing an orgasm. In many ways, this is a stumbling block for developed visuals, who, having experienced physical pleasure without an emotional connection, feel emotional devastation and longing.
In the context of the visual vector, one can also speak not only about the sexual fantasies of women and men, but also about anti-sexual fantasies. Certain states of vision can result in an aversion to "animal" sex. It was the spectators who invented platonic love.
Sexual fantasies of men and women: a norm or a deviation?
There is a separate layer of sexual fantasies that are not accepted by society due to deviations from social and medical norms. Sexual deviations, over the causes of which the gurus of psychology and psychiatry are fighting, is a fascinating topic and a few words must be said about it within the framework of the sexual fantasies of women and men.
In principle, exhibitionism and masochism are considered sexual deviations, so they are different in each vector. But the leader in deviations in sexual behavior is undoubtedly the sound vector. From the most sophisticated forms of fetishism and nymphomania to complete asexuality, lack of sexual desire and rejection of sex as a given nature. Everything will depend on the state of the sound vector, the degree of its development, the depth of shortages and suffering, and combinations with other vectors.
Muscular sexuality is monotonous, often without any sexual fantasies at all. A muscular man experiences greater sexual attraction "in war" than in peacetime, which is due to the peculiarities of the muscle vector. In various states, he also suffers from disorders in sexual behavior: zoophilia, necrophilia, etc.
Sexual fantasies of men and women: understanding a partner
Systemic thinking provides tremendous opportunities to reveal the desires, aspirations and sexual fantasies of another person, to know him as he knows himself or even better.
It must be remembered that sexual fantasies are a reality that is inherent in us by nature. For example, a flexible psyche is not in vain given to a skin person along with a small libido, which enjoys the novelty factor. It is this libido in the skin vector that leads to sexual fantasies involving more than one partner. This does not mean that a married couple, where one partner (or even both) is leather, should urgently sign up for a swingers club or arrange an orgy with the participation of neighbors.
You must understand that you do not need to realize every sexual fantasy, especially if it leads to a loss of intimacy. That is, intimacy is what is for two, something innermost, those grains of happiness and attraction that you can experience only in a couple. The loss of intimacy through participation in orgies, even if such desired ones, will not bring you true sexual satisfaction, but, on the contrary, will lead to a greater number of sexual frustrations. Intimacy, a feeling of closeness and intimacy of what is happening between two loving people will lose its meaning: not only will you not be able to get physical pleasure from sex in a couple, but also emotional satisfaction from sex in general, and besides, you will lose the most cherished sexual fantasy that excites you.
Before starting group sex, think that the reality will probably be different from what you have in mind or dreamed of it.
Fragment of the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan:
Most sexual fantasies can be realized in couples, if desired. Unfortunately, as practice shows, getting along with each other is quite difficult, since in life no one WISHES to get along with anyone.
We all crush each other under our truth, no one is an exception.
The urethralist wants all his sexual partners to easily accept his polygamy, and builds his arguments on this, rationalizing that it is so right, so in nature it is arranged that he cannot and does not want to do otherwise.
An anal person crushes the whole world under his monogamy, justice, honesty. He wants his anal truth like no other to firmly enter our life and become our morality, norm and dogma. And this makes it harder for the anal person to see that all this is dust, nothing, just subduing the world under its vector truth.
Kozhnik uses everyone for his own purposes, unscrupulously abandons partners and justifies this with his life "philosophy", hiding behind it from harsh condemning anal views.
We all crush each other in a way that is biochemically convenient for us. We deduce megatons of justifications and rationalizations for this, invent philosophies on this topic, and then we complain about the decaying society, the moral and moral degradation of everyone else (but not myself) and are surprised by the ever-increasing statistics of divorce.
A positive relationship in a couple can only be built on MUTUAL bestowal, when each family member from the very beginning cares primarily not about his own pleasure, but about the pleasure of the other, about the realization of his sexual fantasies before his own.
At the same time, you cannot take your sexual fantasies outside the couple: remember that marriage is always monogamous, only those relationships that are built exclusively on sexual bestowal can be polygamous. But there is always a way out, there would be a desire. For example, it is possible to realize a skin fantasy about the novelty factor without betrayal: a change of setting, scene of action, role-playing.
Knowledge about a partner's sexual fantasies is not enough, you need to be able to find the strength in yourself to make a movement in the direction of caring for another, and not about yourself. There should be MUTUAL MOVEMENT towards each other, in one direction it does not work.
It is important to understand yourself and your partner, to accept him as he is, then you will feel dizzy from sex in a couple. Free online training will help you get closer to the desired happiness together. Register here.