Confrontation between two hearts. How to understand each other and stop quarreling with loved ones?
Two different worlds of two different people are shaken at each meeting and leave wounds in each other that time cannot heal. Is it possible to learn to be more tolerant of each other and not destroy what has been rebuilt for so long? Where is the golden mean that helps maintain the relationship?
The door slammed shut loudly, and Katya looked around. The apartment is dark and quiet. Without turning on the light, the girl took off her shoes, took off her outer clothing and, not for the first time, knocked off Andrey's slippers along the way. With indifference she waved her hand in their direction - let them roll around.
- Well, where did he go? - Katya whispered, expecting an answer. The phone was cold in my ear.
- Hello! - Andrey shouted very loudly. Katya grimaced.
- Where are you? - sniffing, the girl demanded an answer.
- I'm with my friends. I'll be there soon. Are you already at home?
- Yes. I'm waiting. - Katya finished the conversation irritably.
He himself says that the house is sacred for him! And then he went somewhere with friends. The “charmed” corner of the sofa again caused a bruise and, limping, Katya internally prayed that their conversation would not cause a scandal upon the arrival of her husband.
Forty minutes later, Katya's nap was interrupted by the sound of the door opening.
- Well, what is it? - Andrey uttered after a sigh.
- Where? - the girl was surprised, rubbing her sleepy eyes.
- On the floor. My slippers. Are lying around.
“Oh, I'm sorry,” Katya apologized as if nothing had happened.
“I'm sorry…” the young man muttered resentfully. - You are always like this. You don't care where things should be, how the dishes should be washed and the apartment cleaned. It doesn't matter where you live: at home or in a hotel. And in general, your career is always more important to you, not your family!
Katya defiantly rolled her eyes:
- Again ?! As soon as I appear here, you start playing the same record again! Yes, I love doing what I enjoy, like any other person. Why should I do what you love ?!
- Just because you are my wife! We are Family! And I am the owner of the house!
Katya was painfully pricked by these words:
- Don't you think that I am your property ?! That is, I have no right to my own personal space, time, opinion ?! I'm sick of it already! I'm leaving!
Andrey seemed to be numb. He had not expected this. For a minute he stood in a stupor.
- How do you leave?
- Just! - the wife's voice rang out triumphantly. - I pack my things and leave.
The young man's mind refused to accept the unexpected fact:
- Yes, even to the parents! At least to a friend!
For a moment, their gazes crossed, and everything became clear - their marriage was in jeopardy.
Opposites attract and … repel again?
Relationship issues are nothing new to anyone. When entering into a relationship, we all sometimes experience a lack of understanding towards ourselves. And where people are fundamentally different from each other, the intensity of conflicts reaches its climax, threatening rupture, enmity, icy alienation.
Trying to get to the bottom of the truth of misunderstanding in marriages, we turn to the advice of prosperous spouses, psychologists and just harmonious people. All agree on one thing: confidential conversations and compromises are needed. Sometimes it works, a lot is overcome and there is peace in the relationship. The rest, more than half of the couples, unfortunately, choose to divorce. Having children no longer plays an important role in making such a scrupulous decision.
The union of Katya and Andrei is just one of many unions in which a confrontation between two once very close people unfolds. She cannot understand his value, and he cannot understand her. Family and comfort are more important to him, her career and personal space. One side pulls the blanket over itself, and the other does not remain in debt. Two different worlds of two different people are shaken at each meeting and leave wounds in each other that time cannot heal. Is it possible to learn to be more tolerant of each other and not destroy what has been rebuilt for so long? Where is the golden mean that helps maintain the relationship?
Why we are so different, how different we are, and how to learn how to get used to each other is explained by a young and developing science - System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Why are you acting like that?
The essential difference between Katya and Andrey should be viewed through their innate properties, which are called vectors in Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology. It is the difference in the vector properties of the spouses that is the reason for their mutual misunderstanding. Katya loves to work and prioritizes her career. A career requires a lot of time and a lot of life adaptation. All these are manifestations of the skin vector. The owner of the skin vector is a quick and dexterous person, not fixated on trifles and details. Due to the desire to change impressions in the skin vector, such people do not tend to stay somewhere for a long time. Two or three seconds and they again run somewhere.
Andrey is the complete opposite of Katya. His psyche (soul) carries completely different properties. Andrey makes demands on his wife that are not her own, innate. Not surprisingly, the girl is outraged by this. Andrey is the owner of the anal vector. Do not be confused by such an "unusual" name, the word "anal" was introduced to define the characteristics of a person's character even by S. Freud in one of his works on psychoanalysis.
People with an anal vector are adherents of family traditions, their home is a sacred place. And if something or someone makes you leave the house, then a person with an anal vector with all his soul will strive to return back as soon as possible. There, where it is warm and cozy, where a loving wife will feed, drink and listen.
If the skinny person has a flexible psyche, then the anal person has a rigid one, not bending. This property of the psyche makes him a straightforward person, cutting the truth-womb without malicious intent. Katya dislikes these reproaches from her husband. Even if not so much as her word “forgive”, not saturated with confirmation of guilt, is offensive to him. Unlike his wife, the concept of “wine” is significant for Andrey. According to the logic of an anal person, whoever is to blame must admit it and apologize with a feeling. Otherwise the anal guy will be offended and remember.
Why is the concept of "wine" so important for a representative of the anal vector? And why should he memorize grievances?
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan says that the anal vector is the only vector with the desire to accumulate information and transmit it. Desire is always based on its property. Where knowledge is required, phenomenal memory is always present. Such a person remembers everything good that was done to him, and everything bad.
The key concept for him is equal. Not given enough - offended, given too much - feels a sense of guilt.
At the same time, a huge amount of memory is given to a person with an anal vector in order to transfer knowledge to subsequent generations, and not for accumulation and concentration on negative experience. However, unfortunately, this fixation on the events of the past can easily make him stuck in resentment as a sofa-sitter, critic and total skeptic.
Simple mechanisms of complex things
They say that love is hard. And so it is. At the first stage of the relationship between two people of the opposite sex, an attraction arises due to natural instincts necessary for the continuation of the human race. Later, more and more obvious differences in characters and vectors begin to appear. This is a period in which you need to learn as soon as possible to see through the eyes of another, to understand his needs and aspirations. Without this, marriage becomes dull, mundane, annoying, and often simply impossible.
Andrey considers his spouse a superficial, ungrateful person who does not respect the institution of marriage. Katya considers Andrey's reproaches unlawful and oppressive. In fact, Katya is simply arranged differently. It does not have such properties as Andrei, and therefore such desires. And Andrey will never want what Katya wants. Not knowing yourself and others is the main enemy of a relationship.
Only the right approach to solving this problem will give the desired result. Such an approach for thousands of people was training in System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan, which has proven its effectiveness with thousands of results, including those who managed to preserve family relationships and infuse new life into their love union.
You can get acquainted with this unique technique in free online classes. After the first lectures, people begin to get positive results in relationships. To register, follow the link: