How not to fall for a child
If you are serious about solving the problem of how to stop yelling at a child, then it is important to know: a complex problem requires a complex solution. Soothing collections and any meditations do not give results because they do not work with real, deep reasons …
Attempts to control emotions are only good in theory. In reality, everything is different. Breakdown is like a flash of unbridled rage. You do not consciously choose anything, do not comprehend anything. At such a moment, there is simply no one to think about how not to break into a child: you are not you, it is as if an uncontrollable monster lives with you. He has neither love nor empathy. Screams to hoarseness, words of hate. The hands seem to shake the small body themselves, apply spanks and weigh the cuffs …
… And we come to our senses in different ways. Sometimes consciousness turns on at the sight of a child's eyes full of tears, fear and pain. And sometimes it doesn't work anymore. After all, the worst thing about this uncontrollable aggression is:
Repeatability and tendency to worsen
With each new breakdown, consciousness turns off earlier. Last time, all sorts of poultices also helped "count to 10" or "breathe according to some pattern." But next time you will have no time for counting and schemes. The breakdown occurs so suddenly, as if someone invisible inside has pressed a red button.
If at first the matter gets by with shouting and insults, then gradually the situation is aggravated. Consciousness does not turn on either at the sight of children's tears, or because the baby clings to his legs and begs to stop. The inner monster goes into a rage, into lust from inflicting pain. And now you come to your senses when your own throat hurts from screaming, and your own hand hurts from slaps and slaps. Wild fear arises:
What will happen to my child now? What are the consequences of such "education"?
This fear is justified. The problem of how not to scream and not get lost on the child must be solved as soon as possible: time is running out!
Shouting and hitting cause great harm to the child. The specific consequences depend on what innate mental properties the child is endowed with:
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Little introverted sound people have a special hearing sensitivity. The cry of the parents leads to the fact that the child develops mental disorders (depression, autism, schizophrenia).
- Kids with a visual vector are especially emotional. Screaming and aggression fix such a child in a state of fear for himself. As a result, numerous fears, phobias, and panic attacks become the “norm of life” for them.
- Nimble and dexterous owners of the skin vector from childhood strive for high achievements and success. Humiliating words lead to the formation of a scenario for failure: for what a person then does not undertake in life - nothing comes of it. And hitting his especially sensitive skin gives a special result: masochistic inclinations develop. The embryo of masochism is clearly visible when the child can no longer calm down or fall asleep on his own: he needs another portion of slaps and screams.
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Children with an anal vector have a special value - family, and mother is generally the main person in life. Screaming and physical punishment lead to the formation of a difficult life scenario: resentment against the mother. Later, this is projected onto the marriage partners, preventing them from forming a normal family life. Manifestations of stubbornness, aggression towards animals and people in such a child are alarming bells for bad conditions.
The feeling of shame and guilt for disfiguring a child's life with your own hands does not allow him to live. There is even an acute desire to take revenge, causing damage to oneself: some mothers then slap themselves in the face, scold themselves to the point of exhaustion, cry.
It is important to know: there is a way out! Until puberty, the child's psyche is in close connection with the mother's. Until he becomes an adult, the situation is reversible. If you succeed in successfully solving the problem of how not to fall for the child, then the damage caused to him can still be corrected.
And the first step to how to learn not to get lost in a child is to realize:
What are the real, deepest reasons for your breakdowns?
Most often they are complex:
1. Lack of a sense of security and safety from a man.
By nature, a woman experiences inner comfort when she knows for sure: she can safely bear, give birth and raise a child as much as necessary, and her man can always protect and provide for the family.
This feeling of comfort is reinforced by sexual relations: during the proximity of the vaginal walls, male ejaculate is absorbed. It contains certain substances that act on the brain, giving you a sense of calm and security.
But when there is a shortage of alimony or sexual intimacy, sooner or later a woman will lose her nerves. If this is your case, then it is important to understand what is behind the problems in a couple. Without this, it is impossible to find a solution, how not to scream and not break down on the child. After all, the baby gets a sense of security and safety from you, from the mother. And if you have nowhere to get it, then the problem is not solved. Most often, latent traumas, anchors or false attitudes prevent a woman from improving relations with her husband.
2. Lack of psychological knowledge.
This reason has an effect on any area of our life.
Let's start with the most obvious: parenting problems. Most often, the bad behavior of children is due to the fact that we educate them without taking into account those natural characteristics that are given to them from birth.
For example, mom is a thorough and scrupulous person, thorough and thorough. Appreciates order and regularity. And the child was completely different, with a different psyche (it is not inherited, like external signs). For example, you have a baby with a skin vector: nimble, restless, dexterous. He does everything not for quality, but for speed - such is his nature.
In the process of playing or creating around "chaos and chaos". Things generally lie everywhere and at random. It is important for such a child to instill a sense of timing (regime) and develop discipline skills, and then things will go well. For example, you can establish a rule: I give you an hour to play (even if everything is scattered around), and after an hour you put everything in and out. Gradually, the child adapts the rules and restrictions - they need them for development.
But when the soul is already disgusting, and the mother does not understand the properties of the child, she is simply jarred because he is the way he is. How can you make such a mess? Why you can't sit still - you have to jerk your arms and legs! Well, here's how not to fall for a child if he is simply unbearable!
Lack of psychological knowledge brings us down in pair relationships.
The psyche of a husband and wife can also be radically different. For example, you are an emotional owner of the visual vector, and you got an introverted sound engineer as your husband. He can feel strongly and deeply, but this is little expressed externally. He speaks little, and when problems arise, he prefers to retire, be alone, think over everything. He really needs it.
But an emotional woman thinks that he is cold and indifferent - perhaps, in general, she no longer loves her. She is sincerely suffering and very nervous.
Lack of psychological knowledge leads to the fact that we pick up bad states in interaction with any people.
This is already clear from examples with a husband and a child. But the same thing happens with relatives and friends, colleagues and even just travel companions. We attribute false qualities to people, expect things that the other person can never give. We spend a lot of nerves where a psychologically savvy person would not even raise an eyebrow, but would find the correct and accurate approach almost instantly.
3. Lack of social fulfillment and own psychological trauma.
Our bad conditions are based on our own psychological problems. Often they come from childhood at all, and we may not be aware of them at all. For instance:
You are the owner of the sound vector. In childhood, adults often raised their voice at you or quarreled with each other, used offensive words in speech. This always injures the sounder's particularly sensitive ear. And now, in adulthood, any cry and noise can be unbearable - you want to leave, close yourself off from it.
But there is nowhere to leave your own child. He is still very small, screams and cries, like all children. But you react in a special way: this scream tears your brain apart, hurts. If you have somewhere to "escape" for a while, you can arrange for yourself an unloading. And if not? At some point, you find yourself screaming over the cradle, and words of hatred fly from your lips.
Nature has given you a visual vector of the psyche. You are very emotional, sensitive. But in childhood there were traumas that fixed you in a state of fear (adults scared, read "horror stories", etc.). And now, in adulthood, you are tormented by anxiety, and if children mean a lot to you, then this anxiety is most often manifested precisely by fear for children.
As soon as the child has moved a little further than ordered, you are already exploding from the inside with fear. How can you not scream and break on a child if it pounds from the inside? A little he blushed and sweated - you think you are sick. And so in everything. Anxiety is exhausting, does not allow you to normally enjoy parenting. And of course, they increase your breakdowns.
These are just examples. Injuries can be different, and the set of vectors for a modern mother living in a city is about 3-4 vectors at once.
Various anchors and false settings can add fuel to the fire. For instance:
- You could have received various negative anchors about couples from your mom. This is especially true of cases when the mother was unhappy in a couple, suffered and could in the heat of the moment express all the bad things that she thinks about men. It sometimes falls on a fragile child's psyche in such a way that in the future you would like, but you cannot build happiness in a couple. This means getting a sense of security and safety from a man in order to pass it on to a child.
- It is possible to pick up false attitudes in an older age. There are many of them today. "Love yourself" - such an attitude does not allow to put together a warm bond in a pair. "A real woman should be …" - and then it doesn't matter what is in the text. In fact, only you yourself can fully reveal your nature - when you unmistakably understand your psyche and get rid of any trauma and imposed husk.
4. No strength to keep stress.
All of the above reasons have a cumulative effect: often the mother does not have the strength to adapt even moderate stress. It turns out to be an unanswered question: how not to shout and not get lost at the child, if even from ordinary children's tricks you feel powerless and you want to cry? Helplessness rolls over, a lack of understanding of how to raise him properly, so as not to spoil, but not to be a monster herself, not to harm the child.
It happens that other people cannot understand your reaction, they condemn your outbursts. And behind them so many things sometimes lie - and psychological problems, and domestic disorder, and problems in a pair, and a lack of understanding of relatives …
5. Lack of security and safety from the community.
Not receiving sufficient support from a man (especially if you are divorced), a woman often cannot get it from society through social guarantees. When there is no alimony, and social benefits are not enough to support the child normally, this is always an additional stress factor for the mother.
And the psychological competence of the people around it sometimes leaves much to be desired. It happens that you are ashamed of the behavior of your son or daughter, and "kind people" are pouring advice on what to do with an uncontrollable child. But trying to follow them can cause great damage. Other people are guided only by their own "IMHO", not understanding how the psyche of your child is arranged. This means that they give massively false advice.
What to do?
Complex solution
If you are serious about solving the problem of how to stop yelling at a child, then it is important to know: a complex problem requires a complex solution. Soothing fees and any meditations do not give a result because they do not work with real, deep reasons.
The complex solution is offered by the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan. He solves all the psychological problems that make up your problem:
- Allows you to establish personal life. Understand your partner as yourself, know what a happy pairing relationship is built on. Receive sufficient support from a man.
- Get psychological knowledge. Interact with any people with joy. Understand the child and establish a qualitatively different, happy relationship with him.
- Solve any psychological problems you have. Get rid of depression, fears, resentments, psychological trauma, anchors and false attitudes.
- Significantly increase stress resistance. Calmly adapt any changes and adverse circumstances that may arise in life. Get the skill to always be "in the resource", have enough energy and strength.
- Unleash your natural potential and realize it in all spheres of life. This means, among other things, finding a job to your heart (if you want it).
Only a comprehensive solution gives a real result - happy motherhood.
