I'm ashamed of my body. When sex isn't fun
A person who carries false shame within himself feels uncomfortable with other people. He cannot relax in communication, show his desires and abilities to the fullest. He is fixated on his bashfulness.
“Twenty years of marriage, two children, and I'm still ashamed of my husband. It's a shame when he sees me naked. Because of this, I cannot relax during sex, I do not get pleasure from intimate relationships."
Many people - both men and women - are ashamed of their bodies, cannot appear naked in front of a loved one, or feel pinched during sex. And this is not such a harmless problem. Outwardly absolutely prosperous, they do not get the expected pleasure from life, because they have shame where it should not be!
Shame is right and wrong
Man is a social being, and the degree of his satisfaction with life depends on how much he manages to fit into society, how well he feels among other people. Shame is the main regulator of the human psyche, allowing you to direct relations between people in a direction in which all members of society will feel equally comfortable.
For example, the absolute majority of women are ashamed to shoot with their eyes to the right and to the left, seducing all men indiscriminately. This is how the unconscious social taboo on female sexual behavior works. And it is justified, because otherwise men will quarrel over such a woman, and their wives will be left without breadwinners and successors.
But it so happens that shame arises where it should not be, and where it should be, does not arise. For example, a man does not pay alimony to his child - and he is not ashamed. And a woman is ashamed to undress in front of her husband, she cannot relax and give herself and him pleasure.
A person who carries false shame within himself feels uncomfortable with other people. He cannot relax in communication, show his desires and abilities to the fullest. He is fixated on his bashfulness.
False shame in sexual relationships
False shame is especially detrimental to sexual relations. Anything that brings mutual pleasure is acceptable between two loving people, if this happens without prejudice to third parties. In a couple, by mutual agreement, the realization of any sexual desires and fantasies is permissible.
But false shame interferes with the free expression of our desires. Where we would like to tell our partner what we want, we are embarrassed: "I want my husband to stroke his knee, but I'm ashamed to ask him about it." Instead of focusing on our partner in an effort to please him, we think about how we look.
From this we lose our excitement. And the partner is not completely satisfied either. It turns out a sexual relationship without a spark and the same dull life. To fill your life with joy, to learn how to receive vivid pleasure, it is important to realize where false shame comes from.
Deformed sexuality
Often the reasons for the emergence of false shyness lie in childhood and are associated with an incorrectly laid down attitude to sexuality. The circumstances that shape this attitude vary. Most often, they violate one of the main human taboos - incest, that is, the sexual relationship between a child and a parent.
This does not mean that incest occurs in the literal sense of the word - physically. It happens mentally if, for example, children grow up in a family in which parents use abusive words, even if this happens as exceptions. This is a very common situation in which the incest taboo is violated. Mate devalues sexual relations, sets false attitudes, sets psychological anchors. If a girl constantly hears obscenities around her, she will be ashamed of everything related to sex. Sex will be perceived as something dirty and unworthy, even if she consciously strives for a relationship.
The same thing happens when the child sees and even more he hears the act of intercourse between the parents. Hearing the act of intercourse is even more traumatic for a child than seeing, because he thinks out a lot. Moreover, not only girls but also boys suffer from this.
Especially fragile in this sense is the sexuality of a man with an anal vector. Having thus received the first experience of acquaintance with the sexual side of life, he experiences severe embarrassment: his mother is sacred, a stronghold of purity! - and "this", perceived as dirty, unacceptable because of the natural taboo of the sexual topic between parents and children.
His mother seemed to fall in his eyes: “What is she doing? How could she ?! Sexual relations become dirty in the child's perception. Then this affects the unconscious attitude towards women in general, because such a man always makes a transference, projecting his attitude towards his mother onto all other women. He automatically begins to perceive women as dirty, transferring this experience for the rest of his life. In the future, he may have problems in sexual relations, impaired potency and the inability to build relationships with a woman.
A child receives a similar blow if a mother walks naked in front of her young son.
Women who have a cutaneous-visual ligament of vectors are demonstrative in certain states, like to be naked. At the same time, they do not differentiate whether their husband, neighbor or son sees them - for them they are all male beings, that is, potential partners. This is how their psyche works.
And for the son, it becomes, in fact, mental incest. He receives severe mental trauma. His sexuality is deformed. He has a false understanding of shame.
Swear words and false shame
The mother's sharp reaction to the child's first obscene word has a particularly strong effect on the formation of a sense of false shame. In the case of normal natural development, he hears an obscene word at about the age of 6 years in the yard or in the kindergarten - from a peer with an oral vector. And this causes a strange excitement in him, a kind of vague guess about what this could mean. After all, swearing is always about the sexual.
To calm the rising emotional storm and excitement, the child runs to the mother and says or shouts out this word. Very often, in response, he hears angry words from the closest person: “Where did you get this muck ?! Don't you dare say that word! If you say such words, I will not love you! You ugly boy (girl)! Only bad people say such words!"
This is how the child receives a negative assessment of his first sexual experience. Then all these sensations go into the unconscious, but emerge when he, already an adult, experiences real excitement before his first act of intercourse. And this feeling is experienced in him not as the purest and most holy that can be between a man and a woman, but as something sinful, shameful and dirty.
A person does not even realize why sex does not evoke special positive feelings in him, why he is embarrassed in front of his partner, why it is so uncomfortable to participate in all this. For example, a woman will even be ashamed to undress in front of her beloved, let alone allow herself to please her man.
A man with such trauma experiences difficulties creating an alliance with a woman. After a date, he feels an incomprehensible discomfort, unconsciously perceives a woman as fallen, pushes her away.
People with deformed sexuality most often cannot recognize these feelings, because these attitudes are hidden from us in the unconscious. It's just that the relationship for some reason does not work out, and there is always a reason to find fault with a partner. It seems that there is everything for happiness, but there is no happiness itself, something interferes.
How to get rid of false shame
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan makes it possible to understand the causes of false shame. At the training, many listeners recall episodes from childhood, which had a decisive influence on the formation of their sexuality. Awareness - the transfer of experienced experience, information from the unconscious to the conscious - deprives these episodes of their destructive power, and the discomfort goes away, the person becomes more relaxed, able to build happy and trusting relationships, to receive joy from sexual relations and from life in general.
It should be mentioned that false shame can also arise if the couple lacks strong emotional ties, if a woman is not sure of her love for a man, if she cannot trust him, doubts the relationship. In this case, it is important to realize the laws by which the relationship between a man and a woman is built, to realize their feelings and what prevents them from expressing themselves in full force. At the training, a woman reveals her sensuality, gets rid of the shackles of bad experience, understands herself and her man at a completely new level and very often literally falls in love with her partner again, and this radically changes their intimate relationship. There is no trace of the former bashfulness, trust and the desire to dissolve in each other come to replace!
This result is evidenced by numerous reviews of the students of the training by Yuri Burlan:
