Showdown in the sandbox, or What if the child fights?
Fights on the playground or in the garden are common and common. Is this good or bad? Neither one nor the other. It just is. This is part of our animal essence, the nature of early man, the same savage who sorted out all relationships on the principle "who is stronger is right." A kind of starting point from which the path of development of the child's psyche begins.
The child beats other children. As soon as they started to play together, there is always a reason to hit. Something I didn't like, and fists, scoops with buckets, sticks, cars and everything else are immediately used. Children complain, parents, of course, make complaints, relatives and friends give "smart advice", educators recommend consulting a psychologist.
What is this - the usual way young children interact with each other? It is necessary to wait, it will pass by itself or is it a dangerous symptom of inner trouble?
How can parents react correctly in such a situation - to shame, punish, or remain neutral?
How can you help your child build relationships with peers without fighting?
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to understand where aggressive behavior in babies comes from.
Does the child fight because he is angry?
Fights on the playground or in the garden are common and common. Moreover, the younger the child, the less he thinks before hitting another child. This is due to the fact that a small child is not yet aware of another person, he just wants to satisfy his desire. He is not yet kind and not evil. It is our task to teach him to be kind, to teach him to understand and feel other people.
Is this good or bad? Neither one nor the other. It just is. This is part of our animal essence, the nature of early man, the same savage who sorted out all relationships on the principle "who is stronger is right." A kind of starting point from which the path of development of the child's psyche begins.
It is in the process of upbringing that a layer of cultural prohibitions is formed in the modern child, which regulates his behavior in society and forces him to resolve controversial issues peacefully.
Peacekeeping mission of parents
The very first step of parents in a "combat" situation is the realization that manifestations of aggression in a child happen and this is normal: after all, children are developing, they are only at the beginning of their journey. But it is still worth demonstrating the appropriate reaction - to make it clear to the child that this is an unacceptable behavior for a person. It is easy to explain clearly that he acted badly, and henceforth it is not necessary to behave like that. And show how it should be.
For example: "If you want a bucket - come and say: 'Masha, please give me a bucket,' or change." That is, the parents' task is not to read notations, but to teach the child to interact.
Often, in response to a child hitting someone, the mother kicks him back to teach him that the other is hurting too. It helps?
As a rule, no. A child stops hitting another child, not because he understood something, but because he himself becomes painful. There is a fear of the parent, he does not stop fighting, he just does it less noticeably.
Parallels with significant adults work well. For example: "Have you ever seen mom and dad fight?" Or: "Do grandparents behave like that?" Or: "Did your mom hit you at least once?"
When the mother expresses strong surprise, indignation and upset in response to the child hitting someone, the baby realizes that he did something out of the ordinary, something unusually bad, which upset the mother so much. This should be an understandable for the child, but expressive reaction in order to designate this act as unacceptable.
For example: “Son! Did you hit Vanya ?! What are you? How could you? It was a very bad thing! If you behave like that, we'll have to leave the site. Let's apologize to Vanya together."
We react according to the innate properties of the child
Next, we turn on our parental observation and analyze the child's behavior in order to get the opportunity to distract, involve and redirect his aggression into a peaceful channel.
For example, if your toddler is touchy and clearly seeks to restore justice when he fights, then you can redirect him towards his authority. Like, and you teach the kids how to play correctly, they don't know. With such a child, the owner of the anal vector, praise for good behavior works great. Sometimes it is enough to listen to his claims to peers carefully and to the end, and his inner balance will be restored.
If your case is “victory at any cost”, when a child, in his desire to win, pushes opponents, trips, throws sticks or stones, just to be the first, then sport can be an excellent way for him to apply his energy and satisfy ambitions. It is important to make it clear here that primacy through deception is not the first place, but the last. Then the desire to win will work in the right direction.
Give your skin vector baby a reward if he behaved well today.
No one can know your child better than you, and system-vector psychology gives you an understanding of the mechanisms of development of the child's psychological properties. Determining the peculiarities of your baby's perception of the world, you yourself begin to understand in what situation and for what reason he is showing aggression. Possessing systemic thinking, you can shift the point of application of his physical efforts from a fight to an active game, from dumping hostility into an exciting communication and friendship.
Instead of a fight - game and friendship
One of the important conditions for trouble-free development is the need to provide the child with a strong inner feeling of security and safety, which he can get only from the mother. It is ensured by the harmonious calm inner state of the mother herself - which the baby feels very subtly, regardless of how calm and restrained the mother is outwardly - and the feeling of unconditional love, understanding, acceptance of him for who he is.
Let him know that you don't like his behavior, but not himself. That you love him by anyone, but you are saddened by his actions. A child cannot be bad, especially a small one. He may be wrong, but when he understands this and feels mother's protection, then everything changes.
Show another way, an alternative to fighting. As soon as the child realizes that a peaceful way of interacting with peers is more effective, expands horizons, is approved by parents on all sides, fights will become a thing of the past.
Children learn surprisingly quickly. It turns out that if you ask or exchange toys, you can even play interestingly together - this is a discovery! For the same reason, it is worth bringing more toys with you next time to share or exchange.
The very fact of recognizing and understanding the negative behavior of the child relieves the internal stress of the parents, which in itself affects the baby, reducing the need to express oneself in fights.
The receptive psyche of a child with a systematic approach to education allows you to get a positive result very quickly. Many trainees of the training talk about such changes on the feedback page:
The issues of upbringing the most "difficult" children are considered in detail at the training on system-vector psychology. Sign up and listen to the introductory online training from any device for free.
Part 2
Part 3
