How to make a child obey?
In order for a child to grow up normally and learn to live, he first of all needs to feel that under no circumstances will he be hurt, hurt, humiliated, left hungry and helpless, or broken. If a child is entertained, given his natural gift, he rushes to new knowledge. He learns to realize himself and get the maximum pleasure from life. If the child does not obey, it means that he is being taken in the wrong place or in the wrong way.
Snarls, rereads, pinches, growls. It looks like a human cub, but it behaves like a wild one. How to find an approach to a child who does not obey and categorically does not understand Russian? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan gives precise recommendations on how to achieve normal behavior from a little savage.
The minimum task is to prevent the disobedient child at home and in public from causing inconvenience to the parents, the maximum task is to grow a sensible person from an “indomitable animal”. In this article, we'll talk about solving both problems.
How to negotiate with your child - 4 principles of successful interaction
1. We solve any issue based on the child's unconditional sense of safety and security
Upbringing is not training, where successful tricks are obtained only after being hit with a whip. In order for a child to grow up normally and learn to live, he first of all needs to feel that under no circumstances will he be hurt, hurt, humiliated, left hungry and helpless, or broken. The guarantors of this feeling are the parents, and the mother has the main role.
Having inviolable physical and psychological safety, like a kangaroo in a mother's bag, a human baby is not afraid to explore the exciting world, but openly interacts with others. He does not need to defend himself against aggressive reality. Mom leads him to the pleasant and joyful, and he is ready to follow her. He was created this way - striving to develop. He listens and he hears. The main thing is not to interfere.
Obedience problems arise when a child's sense of safety and security for some reason collapses. Mom is nervous herself and transfers her condition to the baby automatically. When the mother is feeling bad, the child cannot be sure of his security. If a child is attacked, shouted, he is forced to "release thorns" in order to preserve himself. By stubbornness, hysterics, lying, ignoring parents, by running away, he signals that the wrong path of education has been chosen. The nature of the child protests against the fact that his nature is being broken. By his behavior "for evil" to the parental will, he tries, as best he can, to convey that he needs something differently with him. But they don't hear him.
The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan will act as a simultaneous translator of the parent "Did I tell anyone ?!" and the children's “I don’t want! I won't! " … So that fathers and children cease to be warring parties and come to a mutual agreement.
Many parents have already learned how to interact with a child without harming him, but helping him to develop.
2. We agree on the important at the peak of emotional rapprochement
The emotional connection of the child with the mother is the nutrition on which the baby's psyche, his humanity, is gaining strength. Growing up, the child demands more and more emotional involvement from the mother.
At first, the veil of mother's care is more expressed in the material (food, warmth). Then, in order for the child to “understand Russian”, hear the parents and adequately respond to requests, it is necessary to have a subtle emotional level of involvement. It is created by the word.
On the run, in the hustle and bustle, we sometimes just interrogate the children and give orders: “How was your day? What did you get? What was asked? Did you eat the cutlet? … And without waiting for an answer, we command you to go to bed.
But there are situations when it is urgently required to understand what is on the child's mind, and it is no longer possible to order to report - "Answer quickly!" … But the child is closed and is not going to open. Mommy Commander can't become Mommy Friend at a click. Emotional closeness is created by subtle mental work and is maintained regularly. By talking, reading, sharing experiences and deeds, and most importantly - understanding the nature of your child. When a mother knows what topics are important to him, it will not be difficult for her to say things that are truly meaningful to the child.
Talk about changeable feelings with the viewer; about the past, about friendship and your childhood - with your little owner of the anal vector; about active plans for tomorrow, a new bike for fives and the results of our athletes at the Olympics - with a child with a skin vector; about the stars, teleportation and the fate of mankind - with a sound player. When we not only demand frankness from the child, but above all we ourselves are open to him, then agreeing with him about something serious and important will also work. Choose a calm moment for this, when there is no tension between you, when you are in tune with each other and are not in a hurry - for example, you just had a warm conversation or did something with enthusiasm. Speak calmly and quietly, explain why you are asking the child for something, why it is important, and he will hear you. Dialogue will let you know his thoughts too,he will feel involved in the decision process and will respond to your request much more readily than if you said it on the run or gave orders. Explore together his desires, help to realize his abilities. This will allow him to feel the joy of the efforts made, and then he will not have to obey you, he just wants to listen with rapture.
3. We always involve, we force - if necessary
Yuri Burlan at the training "System Vector Psychology" says that the nature of a child is to be involved. He himself, like a flower to the sun, strives for development.
It is important for parents only to know what exactly his soul is in, and then they will not have to drag the child through life with a lasso. Distinguishing the properties of vectors and their inherent desires, parents understand:
- A dermal baby can be put into sports, develop his naturally set leadership qualities - speed, agility and logic.
- The strengths of a child with an anal vector are, in potential, golden hands and analytical thinking. Quiet activities are suitable for him - making something with his own hands (wood carving, modeling), studying past experience and drawing conclusions (for example, a history circle).
- It is important for visual children to develop their imaginative intelligence and imagination. Reading classical literature is irreplaceable here. They may also like theater studio, drawing, singing.
- Sound kids are able to generate breakthrough ideas when the conditions for concentration are favorable - silence and food for the mind. Mathematics and astronomy, robotics and music, programming and writing - all of this sound specialists have the ability.
If a child is entertained, given his natural gift, he rushes to new knowledge. He learns to realize himself and get the maximum pleasure from life. If the child does not obey, it means that he is being taken in the wrong place or in the wrong way. Systemic knowledge helps to choose the exact road.
"Let's go read it already!" - so do not involve the child in reading. Only through the enjoyment of the process, through positive emotions, can someone be interested in something. Read selected literature that will cause a storm of feelings and emotions in the kid, intonate, get used to the role of heroes, and arrange a home theater. After such mini-performances, the child will continue to think, imagine and dream on his own. An insatiable interest will arise in him - and what next? You will feel that he is impatient - when will they be honored again? And at this moment, it's time to gradually reduce the portion of daily reading so that there is a shortage. So the child will quickly learn to read himself. And if the mother herself drunkenly reads every free minute, the child will definitely want to too.
Coercion is necessary where, by nature, the child has no interest in something, but in the modern world this skill is vital. For example, regardless of the vector set and the chosen future profession, you need the skill to focus on the problem and find solutions. This skill is taught by mathematics. It does not capture all children. With visual dreamers, thoughtful compulsion is indispensable here. The system teacher of mathematics shares a unique experience:
4. Installing voice control
Just don't drive nails into your child's brain with your falsetto. The quieter you say, the more attentively he will listen. The louder you are, the less the child is able to hear you. Shouting deprives you of the ability to think, shouting turns off consciousness and tells only one thing - that you need to be saved. The child cannot take anything else out of ultrasonic speech.
All these principles are followed naturally when parents are psychologically savvy and happy themselves. The training "System-vector psychology" gave thousands of mothers and fathers the opportunity to interact pleasantly and fruitfully with their children:
How to raise a happy child - express program
- To develop its natural vector properties, without trying to remake it for yourself.
- Educate your senses by reading quality literature. Imagination, empathy, involvement in someone's difficult situations push the child to become mature inside and choose an interesting environment for himself.
- Teach a child to share with pleasure: first - sweets, then - their abilities with society. This is how a person learns to be needed by others, which means happy.
- Show by example that life is worth living.
For a resource for a happy life, visit the free online training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
