Midlife crisis in men. Behind the extinct dreams of my youth
Midlife crisis in men … This expression has gained undeniable popularity among search queries on the global network, regardless of the region. It is time to talk about a planetary epidemic of this "it is not clear what", which does not allow people after forty to live peacefully and enjoy what they have achieved.
- Who needs me already! In your forties! - With bitterness in his voice exclaimed Nikita, a middle-aged retoucher photographer, desperate to find a job by profession in the capital. I met with him at the request of a fellow copywriter to advise on finding clients on virtual freelance exchanges.
However, from the very beginning, the conversation flowed in a different direction: it was clear with the naked eye that my interlocutor was in a state of extreme despair. This was expressed, as he himself noted, by abrupt changes in tone and mood. Periods of unrestrained tossing between recruiting agencies, interviews with HRs and cutting off the phone in vain attempts to "catch at least something" were replaced by phases of deep numbness, depression, when I didn't want to do anything and didn't want to see anyone …
Midlife crisis in men … This expression has gained undeniable popularity among search queries on the global network, regardless of the region. It is time to talk about a planetary epidemic of this "it is not clear what", which does not allow people after forty to live peacefully and enjoy what they have achieved.
Now all and sundry are talking and writing about this phenomenon: psychologists, doctors, vocational guidance specialists. Everyone is trying to think of something, recommend, advise. The assortment of "remedies" begins with the banal "find a new hobby to distract yourself" or "travel to unwind" and does not shy away from incitement to very serious steps that can have very far-reaching consequences, such as: "get a mistress / lover", " give up everything: career, family, children - and start over."
Myths and Truth: Cui prodest?
Meanwhile, forty-year-old men (according to statistics, it is the representatives of the strong half of humanity who are defenseless against this scourge, although now women are also experiencing similar problems in the "Balzac age") both suffered and suffer from an acute feeling of hopelessness, dissatisfaction with life, loss of all desire to rejoice already achieved, the feeling of approaching old age, and even the fear of the "chilling breath of death" …
A drowning man is known to grab at any straw. Forty-year-old sufferers, or rather, those who are at least somehow trying to find a way out of this situation, are looking for salvation in visits to psychotherapists, various trainings for success and personal growth, auto-training and meditation … Often it comes to taking strong antidepressants. Depression in men is a separate source of income for world-famous pharmaceutical companies. For some time (usually from two weeks to two to three months), the steps taken will alleviate the condition a little. But then all over again: the symptoms of a midlife crisis reappear. Running in a vicious circle.
Around this popular and, frankly, profitable diagnosis, a whole industry of all kinds of goods and services has grown, in the maintenance of which psychologists and psychiatrists, pharmacologists and specialists in alternative medicine, coaches and "coaches" are involved, and finally … the most experienced marketers - where can we go without them? Someone has to push all these miraculous methods and means to the market!
If you look at the situation soberly, brushing aside commercial interests, then two oppositely directed trends are striking. On the one hand, not all men in their forties are subject to a midlife crisis; on the other hand, in the camp of the sufferers there are both representatives of the broad strata of the population, for the most part not living, but surviving in the current difficult conditions, as well as quite successful top managers of transnational mega-corporations!
Finally, in recent decades, specialists have been seriously worried about the tendencies of rejuvenation of the midlife crisis: now this attack with might and main mows the ranks of not only thirty-year-olds, but also yesterday's graduates of universities (in fairness it should be noted that crisis phenomena in the behavior of young people who are just starting career and independent life are only superficially similar to the midlife crisis under consideration. In fact, their crisis state has completely different roots and root causes, therefore, remains outside the scope of this article).
Thus, age and material well-being, coupled with other achievements, do not affect susceptibility to this, so to speak, disease. In other words, a marketing concept that regularly serves the industry of healing human souls, in fact, turns out to be nothing more than a myth, a mirage, conveniently fitting into the circle of corporate interests of certain players in the global market.
By the way, the half-joking expression in the title of this article is not at all an evil fiction of the author, but the real name of a very real training, designed, according to the advertising mailing list, to "once and for all" solve your problems if you are a man of "slightly over forty "and, of course, if you can afford to pay a tidy sum for participation in" coaching "!
What actually happens to the stronger sex after overcoming the Rubicon at the "40" mark? Is it safe to say which of the men is potentially prone to experiencing such strong negative emotions? Today, these questions are answered by the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
To begin with, we note that the human individual is capable of experiencing such states in the absence of a feeling of fulfillment in life, in other words, the ability to perform his natural function for the benefit of other members of society. The level and volume of realization of the potential inherent at birth is determined by the level of development of the vectors. It is known that the developmental process ends simultaneously with the end of puberty.
In other words, subject to the development of the embedded vectors, the individual should ideally have enough chances to realize his specific role, than to provide the corresponding biochemical processes in the brain tissues, expressed by positive emotions. This means that there is simply no place for any "midlife crisis" and there cannot be a place in the full-fledged, versatile and eventful life of every man!
But the feeling of our own success and fulfillment is influenced not only by the level of development of the vectors in each of us, but also by the degree of fulfillment according to additional desires dictated by the vectors, which depends on many individual factors: temperament, the environment in which a person grew, developed and was brought up, and many other points …
Therefore, it turns out that in harsh reality everything is radically different … First, in the absolute majority of cases, different vectors present in the vector set of the same person are developed in different ways: therefore, there is a different degree of realization, which depends not only on such external signs as material well-being and social prestige, but also on how the achievements of each individual person coincide with the inner aspirations of the soul, dictated by lack of vectors. Secondly, our post-Soviet society is currently undergoing a transition to the skin phase of its development, which is characterized by consumerism, the desire to quickly obtain material benefits and enjoy them in full.
But first things first … First, let's figure out which types of men, from the point of view of a systematic approach, are subject to a midlife crisis.
Lay the storm on … the couch ?!
First of all, such states are not experienced by the happiest owners of the anal vector. Even in the case of sufficient development of the personality traits bestowed by this vector, the anal brotherhood is experiencing difficulties with adequate self-realization in modern socio-economic conditions. The aforementioned cutaneous phase of social development is characterized, among other things, by a total rush in all areas, a desire, first of all, to obtain personal gain.
Constant dynamics, variability, instability, lack of confidence in the future are extremely painful for the anal vector, which is characterized by slowness, mental rigidity, and poor adaptability. Thoroughness, scrupulousness, meticulousness in the good sense of the word, with which the anal vector differs, are now not in value. And the anal guy is simply not able to hurry, dodge, bend and manipulate others to defend his “selfish” interests!
Today, there is an alarming trend in the CIS: anal men who were previously realized in the profession, respected in society and valued in the family, were out of work due to circumstances beyond their control, therefore they are deeply dissatisfied with their own lives. In the structure of those experiencing a midlife crisis, they are a risk group! Each of them splashes out their frustrations in different ways: one trolls on the World Wide Web, the second turns into a family despot, often sitting on the neck of his wife and her, the nurse, tyrannizing! Sometimes the power of frustration can lead to sexual crimes with the subsequent loss of the victim's life - we're talking about pedophilia.
In the presence of the upper vectors from the quartet of information, which turned out to be fragile in the current harsh conditions, some other symptoms of a midlife crisis are also possible. So, an anal sufferer with a visual vector will turn into a hysteria, tormenting household members with emotional blackmail. And a man with sound and anal vectors will fall into a lingering black depression. A way out of such extreme states of depression, experiencing a crisis, he will look for in antidepressants, a glass or, even worse, drugs. Such extreme measures as suicidal attempts (usually by hanging) are not excluded. As well as cases of extended suicide motivated by global misanthropy in the form of terrorist attacks.
It cannot be said that being realized in a favorite profession will protect the owners of the anal vector from these experiences. Today it is extremely difficult for an anal professional to get adequate remuneration for his, such hard and painstaking work. Their inability to set a decent price for their efforts, bashfulness when communicating with a potential client, inability to bargain, readiness to immediately yield to masters of their craft with an anal vector explain rationalizations like "soviet thinking".
Naturally, in a certain sense, it is very difficult for the owners of this vector who live by the past experience to get rid of the categories of thinking and values with which the "largest and happiest country" lived for almost a century. But on the other hand, their peers, endowed with a skin vector, also did not learn the basics of entrepreneurship in a Soviet school or institute. The point here is not at all in "sovkovnost" - this behavior dictates the anal vector.
The photographer mentioned at the beginning of the article, who, by the way, has in his portfolio photo shoots of many celebrities of the stage and the cinema screen, several times during the conversation complained about this most notorious "soviet" and regretted the happy period of cooperation with the "nosy" (in his opinion) owner casting agency. Possessing a skin vector, the lady “made a fortune” on his work, but at the same time “she gave him money too!”.
Turn time … back?
Unfortunately, the midlife crisis in men cannot be called the destiny of an exclusively anal vector. The leather workers, on whose street, it would seem, a holiday in the form of a consumer society has come, also, it turns out, are subject to this problem. True, the roots here are different and they experience this period differently.
It is known that the realized owner of the skin vector “all in time”, in a certain sense, gets high from the frantic pace of his own life. What can I say, even all sorts of benefits and achievements appear in his life "according to calculations." Such a person certainly does not face a crisis caused by dissatisfaction with the results or the aimlessness of life!
But in the case of underdevelopment of natural inclinations, the skin vector experiences stress due to the fear of not being in time, “not grabbing oneself”, often fueled by envy of more successful vector namesakes. In a panic, such leather workers try to "be in time everywhere" - they rush into extreme sports, enroll in dance clubs, learn to drive a car. In addition, in an unconscious attempt to turn back the clock, men and women with a skin vector, who are experiencing a midlife crisis, renew their image: youth branded items appear in their wardrobe, such people radically change their hairstyle, appear at youth parties, sometimes have young lovers …
It is this phenomenon that is today defined in Western psychology by the special term "menoporsh" (Menoporsche - from menopause and Porsche) - the fear of old age in some middle-aged men, characterized by the purchase of a sports car and meeting with very young girls.
"At forty, life has just begun!"
What to do to meet the "fortieth" fully armed? How not to fall victim to an emotional epidemic?
First of all, you need to take a sober look at yourself. This is possible only when a person learns himself, understands what inclinations are inherent in him from birth and how to harmoniously implement them. Only having determined our vector set and levels of development of each of the vectors, having understood what shortages each of us experiences due to the presence of certain additional desires, can we take balanced, reasonable and reasonable actions aimed at the comfortable realization of our personality - for the benefit of ourselves, your own family and society as a whole!
How to do it? Today there is an opportunity to gain system knowledge without leaving your own computer - it is enough to register for participation in free online seminars of the training "System-vector psychology". By the way, the first trial and free lectures are devoted precisely to the properties of the skin and anal vector and the conditions that they experience.
The online format provides additional undeniable advantages: the owners of the anal vector have a chance to understand themselves without leaving home and comfortably sitting in their favorite chair in front of a computer monitor. Such a progressive form of education is undoubtedly convenient for energetic leather workers: after all, they can receive new information wherever they are - in transport, at work or in a cafe-restaurant. Fortunately, mobile broadband Internet access has long ceased to be a surprise!
… As the heroine of the actress Vera Alentova once said in the famous Oscar-winning film of the Soviet era “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”: “At forty, life is just beginning! Now I know it for sure! " Today there is an opportunity to avoid the so troubling middle-age crisis. For this, there is the knowledge that the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan gives.
