How to bring passion back into a relationship
What kind of passion do we want? Such as it was at the beginning. Strong attraction that sticks together into one inseparable whole. One breath for two. But time passes, and questions arise: how to return the former passion for her husband, how to return the former passion for his wife? Why does attraction go?
Passion - burning, enthusiasm, strong attraction to something, strong desire for something. Passion for life and passion for a partner are the same thing. Passion for life makes every day bright, makes you feel alive. Passion for a partner means that the relationship is alive. That is why we are so persistently looking for an answer to the question of how to return passion to a relationship when we want to keep it.
What will be discussed in the article:
"Passion" or Passion? What do we want?
Why passion disappears from relationships.
How to bring passion back into a relationship: typical scenarios.
What to do for those who are too relaxed in a relationship.
What to do for those who are disappointed in their partner.
Sexual characteristics: who is capable of what and for how long.
How to return passion for your wife.
How to return passion for your husband.
Passion or Passion? What do we want?
Passion and "passions" are not the same thing. Life together can be stormy emotionally, "passions" can boil in it - quarrels, showdowns, which can end in bed. There is a clear indifference to each other. There is no cooling, something burns and even explodes.
- We have such-oh-oh-e happens. You should have seen what was on the wall. - What, brains? - No, naval pasta. I threw a frying pan at him.
This kind of passion shakes the foundation of a relationship. Demands for attention, resentment, mutual reproaches and claims are a manifestation of misunderstanding and emotional instability, which will ultimately lead to the extinction of real passion.
What kind of passion do we want? Such as it was at the beginning. Strong attraction that sticks together into one inseparable whole. One breath for two. Quite different emotions: you forget about yourself, you want to think only about your beloved and do everything to make him feel good. I want to dissolve in my beloved. He is perfection. She is the perfect beauty. Crazy happiness.
But time passes, and questions arise: how to return the former passion for her husband, how to return the former passion for his wife? Why does attraction go? You can find answers to these questions at Yuri Burlan's training "System Vector Psychology".
Why passion disappears from relationships
Without passion, strong attraction, a man and a woman would not have become a couple. They fall on the hook of unconscious smells, as in the animal kingdom, when the male cannot walk past the female, which exudes inviting smells. Smells set off violent chemical reactions, shutting down the brain and causing it to lose control. Our body is animal in nature, so at the beginning we react more with the body. We are attracted to a partner with frantic strength. And this is good: if we thought for a long time and looked at the flaws of our partner, we would never have dared to live together and have children.
But the power of animal attraction is passing: nature gives the time to give birth and raise offspring - about three years. This is followed by visible cooling.
“In the third year, you no longer try not to look at the fresh girls, who make it brighter on the street. You don't talk to your wife anymore. Spend long hours in a restaurant with her, listening to neighbors chattering on the table … And soon the moment comes when you can no longer endure your half for a second, because you fell in love with the other”(Frederic Beigbeder. Love lives for three years).
The situation can develop according to two scenarios:
- The spouses have good relations, but they are so used to each other that they are almost relatives and do not cause the same sexual interest. As they say in this case: life is stuck. "Well, what a passion if people discuss their constipation with each other?"
- Relationships deteriorate. The couple discover that their formerly beautiful and perfect lover turns out to be flawed. He is not what we would like to see him, he does not do everything as we would like. Disappointment in a partner, resentment, claims are growing. The more claims, the less attraction.
And yet, a lot still connects, so I want to save the relationship. In the arsenal of those seeking the revival of passion - erotic underwear, sexual experiments, stimulation through jealousy. But all these are one-time measures, changing the form without changing the content, so it quickly becomes boring. And attempts to evoke at least some kind of emotional reaction from a partner, even through jealousy, can generally end in the collapse of the relationship. How to return passion for a woman or a man so that it will last for a long time and as brightly? You need to understand human psychology.
How to bring passion back into a relationship: typical scenarios
After three years, all is not lost. You can return passion and attraction to each other - the main thing is to know how to do it.
“You won’t believe … And after 20 years of marriage, this is possible: in a motor boat in the middle of the river, and under a branchy cherry in the garden, there is nothing to say about the beach. Hooliganism my husband and I are still something! (from the forum).
What to do for those who are too relaxed in a relationship
Do not relax! A relationship is a constant effort to give back to a partner. A man wants to see his woman attractive, but she completely stopped taking care of herself after she got married. A woman wants signs of attention from a man, but he no longer gives her flowers and does not invite her to a restaurant. And a woman, by the way, increases her libido when a man feeds her. After a romantic dinner, she is more sexually inclined. One of the ways to bring back the passion for a man from your woman is to invite her to a restaurant more often.
Separate sometimes. Perhaps you spend too much time together or even one of the partners is dependent on the other. To enjoy food, for example, you need to get really hungry. To enjoy sex, you need to create a lack of it. Even a small separation renews and refreshes the relationship, contributes to understanding how important your loved one is to you.
Realize your desires. Perhaps everyday life has drawn you in so much that there is no time left for personal realization. Sometimes you even get annoyed with your partner that it is because of him that you have not been able to just read a book for several years. Passion is libido, attraction not only to the opposite sex, but also to life. In the language of psychoanalysis, they are one and the same. No passion for life - no passion for a partner. There must be personal fulfillment - a favorite job, an exciting hobby. It is very good if you and your spouse have common interests, but it is impossible for all desires to coincide. You must follow your desires, then your state will change and you will be able to look at your beloved or beloved in a different way from the state of satisfaction from life. And the partner reads your state: he is drawn to a happy person, not a dull one.
Talk about your sexual desires. Perhaps, in the beginning, at the peak of love, sex suited you. But the years go by, but nothing changes or changes for the worse - desire disappears altogether. And I want to go deeper in revealing each other, but false shame interferes. Yuri Burlan talks about its reasons at the training:
Talk to your partner about your intimate desires. Explore and develop your sexuality together. Complete openness in sexual relationships creates a special sweet intimacy that is impossible at the beginning of a relationship, when you are not yet ready to be so open with each other.
From Tatiana K.'s feedback after the training: “Having found out that the reason for my aggressiveness lies in sexual frustrations, I was able to talk frankly with my husband about my secret desires. To his credit, he took my revelations very favorably. However, this is not surprising - for a long time he tried to challenge me to be frank, but I could not even admit my desires to myself, since I sincerely considered them perversions that have no place in a married bedroom.
Cultivate an emotional connection. The stronger the emotional bond between partners, the sweeter the sex. If a man has the opportunity to compare sex without love and sex with a woman he loves, he will definitely answer that the latter is ten times sweeter. For a woman, trust in her partner is the only way to experience an orgasm. And it arises from an emotional connection.
An emotional connection needs to be created, it is important to invest in it. It is desirable long before the power of animal passion begins to weaken, that is, literally at the very beginning of the relationship. In a couple, a woman is responsible for the emotional connection. She is the first to start taking steps towards spiritual closeness. It comes out more naturally for her. A man only needs to respond, follow her, deep into the hidden corners of each other's souls.
Be sincere with each other, help each other, do something pleasant, make romantic dates, spend free time together, remember to say encouraging words and thank your partner. This is how a human connection is created, which takes passion in a relationship to another level. This is another fragment from the training "System-vector psychology":
What to do for those who are disappointed in a partner
It is difficult to immediately see a person, especially when hormones "blow away". Yes, and the lie of breeding, which Yuri Burlan talks about at the training, distorts the picture:
Could it be that you have chosen the wrong person? Quite. This happens if people do not have the basics of psychological literacy. Attraction can bring two people together. It is the foundation of falling in love, but not at all a guarantee of love. Love arises when there is emotional closeness, spiritual kinship and a desire to give each other happiness. To do this, you need to consciously choose a person, see who is in front of you, in what states he is, whether the feeling can be mutual. Because when people are in different states, they cannot find common ground.
But it happens that we simply do not see that we are living with the person who suits us. Because we look at him through ourselves, see ourselves as wrong in him, do not understand at all what is inside him.
According to the laws of nature, attraction pushes us into the arms of a person who is our opposite. So a nimble woman and a slow man, a self-absorbed introvert and a lover of noisy companies, turn out to be a couple. This combination of properties is the potential for development and a more fulfilling life in a couple. But when you don't know why this is so, the difference is annoying.
Victor remade his wife for himself, which constantly led to conflicts. But when he realized who his wife was, what to expect from her, he began to calmly perceive the difference between them. Gone are the anger and harsh reaction that spoiled the relationship.
It happens that circumstances affect us, and we do not know how to resist this influence in order not to let the relationship collapse.
Alfia was on the verge of divorcing her husband after giving birth. They did everything for the baby, but they forgot about each other. We lived like neighbors in a hostel. Observing silence for the sake of the child, they completely stopped communicating. Even being at home, they corresponded on social networks. When Alfia realized what kind of person her husband was and how important it is to maintain an emotional connection with him all the time, their relationship again became warm and close. The attraction has increased.
Only knowing oneself and another person helps to overcome the difficulties that necessarily arise in the life of every family. Therefore, for those who are disappointed in a partner, it is better to conduct a psychoanalysis of the situation at the training of Yuri Burlan.
Sexual characteristics: who is capable of what and for how long
It happens that due to ignorance of the sexual characteristics of the spouse, there is a false feeling that the attraction is no longer there. Often such a cooling can be temporary, but one of the partners has a panic that the passion is gone for good.
The psyche in "System-vector psychology" is described through eight vectors, four of which determine a person's libido: cutaneous, anal, urethral, muscular. The libido is also influenced by the state of a person and his temperament (innate strength of desires).
For example, the libido of a person with a skin vector is balanced and does not bother him much. If somewhere before the age of 27 he can be called a sexual acrobat because of the frequent change of partners and love of experimentation, then after this age the attraction greatly decreases. Up to the point that after sex he is unpleasant to touch his partner. What in the partner's reactions is his natural feature, and what is only a consequence of emotional alienation in a couple, it is worth understanding with the help of psychoanalysis, and then you will understand how to improve the relationship.
It happens that an engineer or top manager with a skin vector at the peak of a long working project has a complete sublimation of sexual energy into social realization and there is simply no desire for sex. And this can be regarded by the other half as cooling.
The leatherworker is also inclined to save sexual energy, practice abstinence, self-restraint, rationalizing this by the fact that nature gives a person a certain amount of intercourse (by the way, this is not the case).
She practices yoga and intermittent sexual abstinence for spiritual development and does not understand why he cannot wait a little with sex.
This happens when there is also a sound vector. And when this vector is in bad conditions (for example, in depression), the person becomes asexual. When the soul hurts, it's not up to sex.
Knowing sexual preferences will help increase the sexual desire of a person with a cutaneous vector. How to return passion in a relationship to a person with a skin vector? Change your posture, environment (in the shower, in the car, in the hotel), do not avoid sexual experiments. For a skinny, tactile sensations are of great importance for satisfaction, and hence the love of oral sex.
A person with an anal vector has a strong libido and is able to show passion for a long time. But, for example, he does not understand the needs of his skin partner for long-term tactile caresses, because he himself does not experience such pleasure from touching. You just need to tell him about it, and he, as a sexually very caring person, will do it.
A person with a muscle vector has a penchant for monotonous, monotonous sex that seems completely devoid of passion. But with a partner who has a urethral vector, you will never complain about the lack of passion, since his libido is excessive - four times more than everyone else's. But this same passion can take him away from the family when not satisfied. Therefore, the urethral is the only polygamous man.
On the sexual characteristics of people with different vectors - a fragment of the training:
Understanding the partner, his capabilities will allow you not to demand what he cannot give, and ask for what he is able to give. When you know for sure what gives your partner the greatest pleasure, you act not on a whim, but for sure. And the result - fantastic sex - won't be long in coming! When people understand each other, there is a dialogue between them, which means that an emotional connection is formed, which is the basis for a long and vivid passion in a relationship.
In addition to Yuri Burlan's training "System-Vector Psychology", there are two thematic sessions on female sexuality, which are completely devoted to revealing the secrets of sexuality. These are powerful lectures that help people understand each other's deep, subconscious desires, see the roles of men and women, and take relationships to the next level. Here's what people write in their reviews after completing the training:
So let's summarize:
- the initial passion goes away on average after three years of the relationship;
- so that the attraction does not disappear completely, you need to work on creating an emotional connection;
- to form an emotional connection, you need to understand your partner;
- to regain passion, you need to start with yourself.
How to bring back passion for your wife
- Invite your wife to a restaurant: when a man feeds a woman, she is more inclined towards sex.
- Let your wife feel that you care about her and devote all your victories to her: the feeling of security and safety that a woman receives from a man allows her to have crazy sex, because a woman relaxes.
- Find out what your wife loves - in life and in bed. This will be the key to revealing a vivid sexuality in her. Knowing the vector of a woman, you can always endear her to yourself. For example, a woman with a visual vector will be aroused by a huge bouquet of flowers, with a skin one - by a fashionable and expensive gift, and a girl with an anal vector will not give up without a long foreplay.
How to return passion for your husband
- Take care of yourself, be attractive and desirable to your husband. Do not forget to keep yourself in shape, be fully armed: hairstyle, makeup, stylish clothes, perfume.
- Stay in a good mental state: fulfill yourself, have fun in any way - it does not matter if it is your favorite job or cleanliness in the house. Men are attracted to women with eyes burning with happiness.
- Give your husband your good fortune and provide emotional support. He will rush home and compliment you all the time.
- Get to know your husband deeper, see his best sides, and stop nagging at his flaws. Praise and thank more often. Men with an anal vector will be especially grateful for this.
Create the conditions for passion to revive in your spouse, and then passion will return to you. To learn all this, register for the free online training sessions "System Vector Psychology" and start getting to know each other now. In the first lessons, Yuri Burlan will talk about what the skin and anal vector in the psyche is and answer many painful questions about relationships. To register, click here.
