How to decide to become a mother in the modern world?
How to release a child into this "scary" world? How to educate him so that he is independent and able to overcome difficulties?
Do all women have similar questions? Why do these questions arise more often in the modern world? And is it possible to help a woman find the joy of motherhood without fear and doubt?
In today's world, when social success and career are promoted values, when there is no confidence in the future, many women find it difficult to make a decision about having a child. The institution of marriage is bursting at the seams and falling apart. In a consumer society, the relationship between a man and a woman is more like sexual exploitation, where partners converge for fleeting pleasure, and when they begin to see each other's shortcomings, they scatter in search of a new couple. Therefore, women are often afraid that a man will betray or leave.
Willy-nilly, you have to think about the material. If you decide on motherhood, then who will provide for the woman and the child during the decree? Even if there is a husband, can he do it? And what if not?
On the other hand, how to leave work on maternity leave for three years? It is always a risk to hopelessly lag behind colleagues in skill, to lose knowledge. And who needs a young mother who takes sick leave every month to look after her child? And it seems that you can put an end to your career.
It's hard to be a mom
And how many difficulties women face after giving birth! The kid requires constant attention, you cannot leave him for a minute. The young mother has no time for herself. Relatives offer their help, but it is so small - to sit with the child 2-3 hours a week or a month, because they are busy people too. Relatives, as a rule, do not agree to more. And how to get out of the decree when a small child needs care, in the presence of a mother nearby, in developing games? Who will provide it to him? Hiring a nanny is expensive.
Mom sends the child to kindergarten, and two days later the child with a cough and fever is back at home. And my mother, who has almost returned to work, puts it off again for later. And so over and over again!
How to release a child into this "scary" world? How to educate him so that he is independent and able to overcome difficulties?
Do all women have similar questions? Why do these questions arise more often in the modern world? And is it possible to help a woman find the joy of motherhood without fear and doubt? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will help to understand this.
Modern society and family values
System-vector psychology identifies eight vectors in the human psyche, each of which determines our life values, attitudes and forms our life scenario. A vector is a set of innate unconscious desires and naturally determined psychological properties that ensure the realization of our aspirations. The names of the vectors correspond to the most sensitive areas of the human body: skin, visual, sound, and so on.
In the modern world, people are born with several vectors. As a rule, 3-5 vectors are combined in one person, sometimes more. Stable combinations of vectors form vector bundles.
System-vector psychology says that the values of the modern consumer society - money, career, achievement of high social status and success - are values inherent in the skin vector. People with a skin vector are only 24% of all humanity. For other people, these values are not defining.
However, now we are living in the skin phase of human development, which sets skin values, therefore, each person, to one degree or another, feels the tendencies of our time, the pressure of society and tries to follow life guidelines that are not true for everyone.
Building a family is not a top priority for people with skin vector. They are more passionate about social fulfillment - their work, building a career. They are great individualists. It is among couples with a skin vector that there are adherents of the childfree lifestyle who do not seek to have children, devoting themselves to personal fulfillment. But not all people are like that.
I want a baby
And in our time there are many people for whom the most important thing in life continues to be the family. These are the keepers of the hearth, homebodies who care about the comfort, cleanliness and order in the house, and are very fond of children. People for whom the main values are loyalty, dedication and purity in relationships. These are people with an anal vector.
They are leisurely and tend to do things consistently. That is why it is so difficult for them to fit into the modern world, which requires quick reaction, high adaptability, the ability to do several things at the same time. A woman with an anal vector would prefer to be at home more, with children, but in the modern world she is often forced to devote most of her time to work.
She really wants to have children, but may be afraid of this for various reasons: lack of trust in a partner, lack of stability in life, inability to be torn between work and family. A woman with an anal-visual ligament of vectors is especially susceptible to such fears.
A person with a visual vector has an enormous emotional amplitude, that is, the ability to experience various emotions that range from fear to love. If his emotions are not realized, are not directed to other people, do not manifest in the form of sympathy, empathy, love, he is subject to numerous fears.
It is a woman with an anal-visual ligament of vectors that can feel the fear that her partner will abandon, betray, leave alone with the child. She is tuned in to a strong family, to protection from her husband (she wants to feel like a stone wall behind her husband), but seeing the tendencies of the disintegration of pair relations in modern society, she is filled with fears of the future.
An anal-visual mother may experience a special fear for the future of the child, worries about how well she will be able to raise him. She wants to become the best mother, the most caring and kind. Often, an anal-visual mother is worried about how the child will feel in kindergarten, whether he will be offended, how he will find a common language with other children.
When maternal instinct is not given by nature
Women with optic cutaneous ligament of vectors have other problems. The fact is that the specific (social) role of a man has been formed over many thousands of years. Someone was a leader, someone was a hunter, and someone was a guard of a human flock. The woman did not have a specific role. For a woman, the meaning of life was the birth of a child. With the exception of the skin-visual - she went hunting with men. Thanks to her well-developed eyesight, she was able to discern danger long before her approach and warn others about it.
Therefore, by nature, she was a nulliparous woman, she was not given a maternal instinct. After all, a woman with a child cannot run along the savannah on a par with men. To this day, a woman with an optic cutaneous ligament of vectors does not have a maternal instinct. She is not one of those who wants to give birth to children, does not know how to handle a newborn. It is then, when the child grows up, she begins to create emotional connections with him, becomes the best friend for her child. But before that, even thinking about motherhood and the problems associated with it can be terrifying.
A woman with a cutaneous-visual ligament of vectors may feel fear that the birth of a child will put an end to her social realization, since she, to a greater extent than any other, strives for it. Her specific role has been developed over the centuries, and it is more natural for her to be “outside the cave” than “inside it”. She is often a business woman, actress, psychologist. She has no time to sit with children.
But society presses. There is a stereotype that every woman must give birth, otherwise she will not take place as a woman. And this makes you feel doubts and fear: I have to give birth, but I don't want to, I'm afraid.
Nowadays, many skin-visual women give birth, although they often have problems with conception, gestation and childbirth. Modern technologies help to solve these problems, but psychologically such a woman is often not ready for motherhood. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to psychologically prepare for motherhood, to make it a desirable and joyful event.
How to prepare yourself psychologically for the birth of a child
To avoid many of the difficulties couples face, young parents must be prepared in advance for the birth of a child. A woman must be sure that it is from this man that she wants a child. There should be trust and a strong emotional connection in a couple, common life values, confidence in each other, confidence in the future. Then the birth of a child becomes a welcome and happy event.
A lot of new worries and daily responsibilities immediately fall on a young mother. In this situation, she should receive support from a man, feel protected and safe. If this is not the case, then she begins to feel uncertainty about her future and the future of the child. The same questions appear: “What if he leaves me? How am I going to raise a child alone? And where to get money for this? And who will sit with the child when I work?"
Up to 3 years old, the child receives a sense of security and safety from the mother, and his condition depends entirely on her condition. If she is stressed about material shortages, the inability to go to work, lack of social realization and time for herself, this stress is transmitted to the baby. He is capricious, often sick. And my mother gets the impression that it is because of him that she cannot go to work and solve all her problems. But this is not the case. Her conditions are primary.
When a mother is calm and confident in the future, her child is also calm and healthy. He starts going to kindergarten with pleasure and is much less sick.
There is no doubt whether it is necessary to send a child to kindergarten - it is simply necessary for the development of the child's social skills, which are laid down precisely during this period - from 3 to 6 years.
Of course, a child still has a school period from 6 years old until the end of puberty (about 16 years old) to develop his natural properties and socialize, but it is much better if this happens from early childhood. Then he develops stronger communication skills with other children, and then he realizes himself more successfully in adult life.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps at all stages of preparation for motherhood. A better understanding of our desires and properties gives us the opportunity to fully realize ourselves in life, and therefore have a more balanced mental state. Numerous fears and other negative states disappear from us.
We begin to better understand other people, first of all - our partner. A stronger emotional bond forms between us - the foundation of a happy and stable relationship. We have a desire to fulfill our female role - to give birth to a child. And further, knowledge about vectors helps us to educate a child based on his properties, so as to provide him with a better future. Many women who have undergone training in systemic vector psychology have got rid of fears of motherhood and become happy mothers. You can read their results here.
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